June 4, 2009
Montreal, Quebec, Canada?
– Show opens with SilverHAWK welcoming us to “Legends Fucking III.” I have a porno with that same title. He runs down the card and announces Seymour Almasy vs. Violence Jack for the World Title as your main event.
1a – Kelly Masters vs. Max Danger (w/Marcus the Smark) (Ultimate Submission Match)
This match takes place in a specially constructed ring outside in the parking lot. Lots of stuff on the line here. If Danger wins, he gets the stolen Armsy McDanger (his prosthetic arm) back. If Masters wins, he gets Danger’s King of Submissions trophy and Danger has to wear a dress on the next Courage. The rules are thus: 60 minutes, three ropes breaks each, submissions and inability to answer three arm raises will be a point each. The man with the most points at the end wins. Danger is in control early and shouts “I’m the greatest,” to which Marcus says “He actually is the greatest.” Later, a nice series sees Danger look for a codebreaker, but Masters catches him, so Danger slips behind looking for a German, but Masters breaks free, looking for a clothesline, which Danger avoids and nails the Dangerous III roaring elbow, leading to the DangerLock (anaconda vice) for the first tap of the match to put Danger up 1-0. To be continued…
– We cut from that match to the bar, where Brian Spaes and Trevor Wilson are fantasy booking and preparing for war. They say this is their night, the new tradition.
2 – Tengu vs. Chris Moliano
Tengu dominates early, targeting the legs. He gets a nearfall after a German suplex. Later, Tengu reverses a powerbomb into a flip-over DDT for a nearfall. Later, Tengu hits a gutwrench suplex, senton bomb, and finally an Asai moonsault for two. He follows up, locking Moliano into the Tarantula. A frustrated Tengu gets into it with the referee, turning the crowd against him surprisingly. Moliano escapes a Boston crab, which again annoys Tengu, who is so distracted with the ref that he gets rolled up for two. Moliano ducks a knockout kick and chop blocks Tengu to turn the momentum. A powerslam gets Moliano two. After Moliano hits Potential Personified (overhead belly-to-belly suplex), both men are down for a nine count. Later, Moliano hits a moonsault, but then Tengu unleashes the RED MIST~! The Hiroshima Driver (Michinoku Driver) finishes off Moliano.
WINNER: Tengu via pinfall. From a booking standpoint, this was a very interesting match, as it managed to pull off a double role-reversal, turning Tengu heel and Moliano face, which makes sense, as Moliano has boatloads of potential, though he still has some in-ring work to do to truly get over. Wrestling-wise, this was above expectations, as they wrestled a great formula match with the booking twist. No complaints here. (***/14)
1b – Kelly Masters vs. Max Danger (w/Marcus the Smark) (Ultimate Submission Match)
Back to our opening match, we find Masters pull Danger out from under his hiding spot: the ring. Back inside, Masters goes to work on Danger’s arm, cinching in an armbar that forces Danger to use one of his rope breaks. Caught in a Boston crab, Danger tries to rock his way out using Masters’ ankles, but Masters grabs him and turns it into a reverse surfboard! Danger is forced to submit, and we’re tied 1-1. This match starts to heat up now. Danger trips Masters and locks in a crossface with arm scissors, which forces Masters into using one of his rope breaks. Masters catches Danger with a flying headscissors into the Achilles’ Heel submission. Danger quickly grabs the ropes for his second break of the match and bails.
He grabs a can of Sunkist, tries unsuccessfully to crush it, then flattens the can with a boot. Marcus gives the match ****3/4 stars. Masters is out, and Danger takes a drop toe hold into the steel post, drawing blood. Masters then drags Danger’s bloody head along the apron in a nice callback to an earlier match. After a release German suplex, Masters grinds his elbow into Danger’s bloody wound. Danger with a dick punch to stop the agony. Masters denies a sharpshooter attempt, but Danger connects with a top rope double stomp to Masters’ skull as he’s draped across the middle rope. An inverted codebreaker leads to a dragon sleeper, but Masters won’t tap. He’s able to power up, only to take an inverted DDT. Danger then grabs Masters head and flips forward into a neck submission. Masters taps, and Danger goes up 2-1. Danger keeps in control as the match continues until Masters avoids a tornado DDT. Danger ducks a clothesline, tries for a superkick, but gets caught! Achilles’ Heel! Danger taps, and we’re tied 2-2. Masters grabs Danger for Achilles’ Heel again! But Danger uses his final rope break. To be continued…
– Backstage, Preston Baxter dedicates his match to his fellow dark match wrestlers and promises to avenge their names and take back their pride. Iceman enters, and stares down Mr. Wrestling Pi and Lolicon. He’s got one word for them. Here’s a clue: it starts with a “c” and ends with “ocksuckers.”
3 – Preston Baxter vs. Iceman (Anything Goes)
Baxter frustrates Iceman early to the point where he grabs a chair, but he charges right into a gutwrench powerbomb and a nearfall. Baxter even briefly locks Iceman into a crossface. Quite the surprising performance by Baxter here, as he’s mostly in control and hits a spear for two. Out of a test of strength, Iceman low blows Baxter, but Baxter returns the favor a short time later as Iceman’s doing the corner 10 punch count-along (but no cocksuckers count along…cocksuckers). Iceman throws a tantrum, allowing Baxter to catch him with a clothesline. Plunder time. Iceman forgets about Baxter, though, and Baxter connects with a suicide splash. Both guys are down for a while. They brawl into the crowd, where Iceman gets busted open. At one point, Iceman uses a planted female fan as a shield, and Baxter hits her by accident. Back to the ring, Iceman hits a top rope splash on Baxter, then sets up a table, but Baxter avoids a splintery suplex. Meanwhile, the woman Baxter punch tells him to “get that cocksucker!” while pointing to Iceman. Iceman catches Baxter up top for a superplex through the table! Both guys are down for a long while, and when Iceman gets back up he screams “FUCKERS” and is booed heavily.
Baxter finds out what R-E-S-P-E-C-T means to I-C-E. This brings in Mac McDeezy (WHO?), and Iceman socks it to him. McDeezy also takes a Respect (sitout double underhook powerbomb) through a chair! Yow. A ladder comes out before Baxter and Iceman brawl on the floor again. Baxter hits a oldmancanrana for two. Up the ladder and Baxter with a flying elbow for two. Baxter eyes the announce table and the ladder, which brings out Mr. Wrestling Pi and Lolicon, who try to talk Baxter out of doing something stupid. They talk him out of it, then stupidly leave. SWERVE~! BIGGER LADDER~! This is LEGENDS III, BITCHES! School’s Out leg drop crushes Iceman through the announce table! Both guys are down and not moving for a long time. Finally, they get back inside. ONE, TWO, THRE-NO! They trade shots, and Baxter catches Iceman with a powerslam for two. Iceman catches Baxter with a spinebuster, though. RESPECT! ONE, TWO, THRE-NO! Iceman locks in the Icecap (camel clutch) now, and Baxter passes out. Post-match, he holds the submission until Pi and Lolicon run-in and blasts them each with a chair. They each learn some RESPECT.
WINNER: Iceman via submission. Well, those two guys tore the house down, didn’t they? This one was more about the story than the wrestling, and boy did they deliver in that department. The over-selling was pretty ridiculous a couple times, and Baxter was having some mobility issues (no surprise there, though, given his age), plus the random run-in/beat down made no sense. Who WAS that guy anyway? Still, this was a lot of fun despite its glaring flaws. (***)
1c – Kelly Masters vs. Max Danger (w/Marcus the Smark) (Ultimate Submission Match)
Danger takes over, eventually grabbing Masters for a rope-aided suspended guillotine choke, forcing Masters to use a rope break. Masters lands on his feet out of an attempted suplex to the asphalt, then grabs Danger and German suplexes him from the apron to the ground! Holy shit. Back inside, Masters locks on a sleeper, but Danger’s arm only falls twice. Later, Masters gets caught in a Boston crab, but is able to crawl to the ropes. After a running neck snap, Danger applies the Muta Lock, and Masters taps, giving Danger a 3-2 lead now. He goes right back to work on the neck, locking in headscissors, but Masters powers up and (with Danger still applying the scissors) Masters piledrives him. Later after a dragon screw leg whip, Masters puts on the Achilles’ Heel, and Danger has to tap out, tying the score 3-3.
Danger hangs on to the ropes for dear life, leading to a brawl on the floor where Masters’ momentum sends his shoulder and face into the post. Back inside, Danger nails a shining wizard and applies the wakigatame. Masters attacks Danger’s wounded eye, forcing the break. Dangerous III misses, and Masters lifts up and crotches Danger on the top rope. Masters with a powerbomb, but Danger grabs him in a triangle choke! Buckle bomb by Masters. Masters pulls Danger’s groin into the post, leading to the ringpost-assisted Achilles’ Heel. Danger taps with two minutes left, and Masters is up 4-3! An exhausted Masters is down on the ground, but Danger is up for a double foot stomp suicida! Masters gets posted. Back inside, Danger hits a springboard DDT. DangerLock! Only 30 seconds left, and Masters is fading. His arm only drops twice! Masters powers out! Clothesline by Masters! As the time limit expires, Masters stands over Danger, victorious.
WINNER: Kelly Masters (4 falls to 3) to become the new King of Submission. Awesome, awesome wrestling match. Match probably should’ve been aired all together, but I understand catering to the ADD generation. They wove in an amazing story, referencing previous bouts from their feud. The only flaws I could find was Danger’s silly run-in with the soda can and a somewhat slow first 20 minutes. Otherwise, this is a must-see wrestling match. (****3/4)
– A trailer for The Heirs of Wrestling, starring “The Crown Jewel” Frank Prince and “The Prince of Precision” Ryan Gallway, was shown, complete with “In a world where tag team wrestling is a dirty word.” They’ll be on the next Courage.
4 – Tony Sharp vs. Andy Sharp vs. Trevor Wilson (Spirit of ACW Championship)
Wilson announces the stipulations for this match after he enters: Scorpion Rules, plus both Sharps are prohibited from pinning Wilson or making him submit. Interesting. Andy takes out Wilson at the bell with Leet Feet v.2 (superkick), setting up CANADIAN ON CANADIAN BROTHERLY VIOLENCE! The Sharps have a nice wrestling sequence to start, culminating in a series of nearfall reversals. Tony hits a short-arm knee into a modified backbreaker for two. A leaping knee drop also gets him two. But Andy turns the tables, connecting with a missile dropkick and then debuts the B-Sharp (standing shooting star press) for two. From the floor, Wilson catches Andy with a chair, then brings a toolbox inside. Wilson’s reverse STO on Tony gets two, then he dumps the tools on Tony. After setting up a table in the corner, Tony catches him with an overhead belly-to-belly suplex. They battle over a suplex, and Andy runs in, jumps over both guys and sunset flip bombs Wilson from the apron to the floor. Tony catches Andy with a baseball slide, then cracks his brother’s skull with a monitor.
Back inside, Tony gets a two as Wilson pulls out the ref. Wilson smashes Tony in the face with a light tube, then hits a suspended reverse DDT to the floor. Back inside, Wilson dragon suplexes Andy for two. Andy recovers and stabs Wilson with the screwdriver. Standing moonsault on Wilson, but Andy can’t pin him after that, or a top rope elbow drop. Tony covers, and gets an accidental two count. Tony catches Andy with a powerslam for two. Sharpshooter time. Andy’s locked in, and can’t get a rope break, so he crawls all the way to the edge of the ring and forces Tony to hit the ropes for the break.
They briefly brawl outside, then back inside Andy tornado DDTs Tony for two. Andy gets caught up top in a belly-to-belly suplex. Two pin attempts fail, so Tony grabs Andy up on his shoulders, but Wilson jabs Tony with a chair and hits a northern lights suplex for two. DDT takes down Andy, but Tony breaks up the pin. Later, they flub the rules again after Andy hits a running corner knee strike and La Magistral cradle on Wilson for two. Tony avoids The Deep End (crucifix bomb) but Wilson nails Tony with Star Sight (enzuigiri). From the ring, Wilson powerbombs Tony through the second announce table of the evening. Wilson finishes off Andy with the Bastard’s Black Headcrusher (running impaler DDT).
WINNER: Trevor Wilson via pinfall. Lots of good action in this match. The pinning stips added a bit of confusion for all the participants, but the mistakes didn’t kill the flow too badly. The light tube was an unnecessary addition, as three talented wrestlers shouldn’t need garbage-y stuff to get over. (***3/4)
– As the fans head outside for the Empty Arena Match, Seymour Almasy is found bloodied, beaten and wrapped in a straitjacket.
5 – Brian Spaes vs. Alias (Scorpion Championship, Empty Arena Match)
After some brawling early, Spaes connects with a springboard Muay Thai heel kick. Surprising amount of wrestling early, as I was expecting a nonstop violent boiler room brawl type of match. Spaes hits the Firestarter (brainbuster), but Alias fights back and hits a sit-out powerbomb. Later, Alias transitions nicely from a high angle powerbomb into Anarchy’s Lullaby (buffalo sleeper). Spaes eventually busts Alias nose to escape the hold, for which Alias stomps the fuck out of him as payback, eventually doing so much damage that a scared bottom ring cable tries to get the fuck away from them. To the floor now, Spaes chokes Alias with the broken ring rope. Spaes starts toward the doors, but Alias charges, resulting in an ugly double clothesline.
The brawl moves toward the ringside seats, and eventually to the locker rooms, concession area, bar, and balcony. Spaes is busted after taking a standing DDT into a locker. At the bar, Alias spears Spaes into the side of the bar, then takes a short beer break. Cheers! In the balcony, Spaes bulldogs Alias into some chairs in a sick spot, almost resulting in Alias falling over the edge, but Spaes saves him and both bloody fighters take a seat to chat and punch each other in the face before fighting down toward the doors. STF by Alias, but Spaes bites Alias, then slams the back of his head into Alias’ nose again. Alias prevents Spaes from escaping with a leg sweep, then pounds his head into the concrete. Alias heads to exit, but Spaes is gone. No he’s not! SPEAR~! Spaes unleashes the brutality, but Alias grabs him and bashes his face into the metal between the doors, giving Alias the opening to escape.
WINNER: Alias via escape. As far as bloody brawls go, this one was very watchable, and they even tossed in some wrestling. Fun for all. Lack of a live crowd hurt a bit, as they would’ve probably been going crazy over this stuff, but ACW tried their best by cutting outside when possible. (**1/2)
– Meanwhile, Frank Dylan James wonders where all the hippies are while looking for some beer. After chugging some Windex, he wrestles a handicap match against a pair of brooms and a mop bucket.
– Outside, SilverHAWK calms down the fans by promising that there is a main event. A battle royal, in fact. For the World Title.
– Backstage, SilverHAWK tells Lolicon he’s not needed tonight and to “get in that fucking locker.” Random.
– The newly crowned King of Submission Kelly Masters says goodbye to Alias and ACW. Alias: “Then here’s to the end of the world, the next time you and I meet!”
– In the referee lounge, Frank Dylan James finds out about the battle royale and isn’t gonna miss a “good ol’ rasslefight.”
– Backstage, Max Danger tells Marcus the Smark that he isn’t interested in winning the ACW World Title tonight. That is, until he discovers that Armsy McDanger is back where HE belongs. Danger missed Armsy, like, woah.
6 – The Battle of Montreal (ACW World Heavyweight Championship Battle Royale)
Normal battle royal rules here. As this is a battle royal, I’m planning to mainly recap the eliminations, and provide any extra thoughts near the end. The announced competitors are: Tengu (who no shows); Johnny Long; Avis Flyfield; Horace Tully; Mr. Wrestling Pi; Mach 2; Rory Hayes; Antonio Badilla; Brian Spaes; Alias; John Hurst; Chris Moliano; Violence Jack; Jimmy Cain; Shepherd; Kelly Flawless; Iceman; Andy Sharp; Hush; Lolicon (who’s services apparently were needed after all?); Trevor Wilson; and Max Danger. Lolicon is actually Khristian Keller, making a surprise appearance. Also, Frank Dylan James arrives late to the match.
Order of elimination:
– Johnny Long by Jimmy Cain (clothesline)
– Avis Flyfield by Khristian Keller
– Horace Tully by Mr. Wrestling Pi
– Mr. Wrestling Pi by Iceman
– Rory Hayes by Alias (clothesline)
– Antonio Badilla by Hush (headscissors)
– John Hurst by Jimmy Cain (WARJIMMY~!)
– Chris Moliano by Hush (rolling elbow)
– Mach 2 by Frank Dylan James (pulled rope down)
– Violence Jack by Alias, Brian Spaes and Andy Sharp
– Jimmy Cain by Trevor Wilson (big boot)
– Kelly Flawless by Trevor Wilson, Brian Spaes and Khristian Keller
– Frank Dylan James by Brian Spaes (flying kick)
– Iceman by Hush
– Shepherd by Alias
– Andy Sharp by Brian Spaes (chairshot)
– Hush by Max Danger
– Khristian Keller by Alias (clothesline)
– Trevor Wilson by Brian Spaes (clothesline)
– Brian Spaes by Max Danger
– Alias by Max Danger
Early, Danger and Keller watched from the floor. The match featured a battle rap between Jimmy Cain and K-Flaw (after the Pi elimination). Nowhere near their classic midget cooking rap (call it **1/4). Funny spot sees Flawless look for a corner splash, trip, and accidentally headbutt Iceman’s crotch, making Cain laugh hysterically. The Minutemen (Spaes/Rejection) smartly used their alliance to their advantage throughout the match. Spaes took out Keller with a nasty spear that bent the barrier and took out a few fans. Danger continued to avoid doing anything on the floor until Shepherd (looking to regain his prosthetic arm) spied him and gave chase. Final four: Brian Spaes, Trevor Wilson, Max Danger and Alias. Spaes’ accidentally eliminated Wilson after Alias ducked a clothesline. With Spaes concerned about Wilson, Danger took the opening and dumped Spaes, leaving Danger and Alias, two ACW icons. Cool ending sequence in this one saw Danger pretend to eliminate himself, but he kept a foot on Armsy McDanger on the floor. Alias pretended to buy it and let Danger charge him, but Alias ended up taking a low blow from the fake arm. Not long after, Danger was finally able to dump the exhausted Alias.
WINNER: Max Danger to become the new ACW World Champion. Very fun main event. It was slightly hurt by the fact most of the guys were tired from singles matches earlier in the evening, so there weren’t a lot of memorable athletic sequences. The Wilson elimination was a little contrived, and in places the sheer number of people made the match the usual lumbering battle royal affair. But Danger is a good choice here, as it sets up several storyline possibilities. (***1/2)
– Show ends with Max Danger celebrating with Marcus the Smark (who’s crying tears of fanboydom) as only Max Danger can.
Final Thoughts: Legends III blew away all my expectations. Five matches at ***+ (and a MOTY candidate in Danger/Masters), several highlight worthy moments, plus a shocking title switch all equals an enthusiastic thumbs up. Buy this now.