The big news: All-Star Championship Wrestling has joined the EWTorch family! That’s right, EWTorch is proud to host ACW’s Web site. Let us speak no more of where it used to be. Now maybe Max Danger will let me touch the World Title with only one layer of gloves. No? I’m being told no. OK. Sorry. Correction. HELL no. OK. Oh, also, this will NOT mean a lot more ***** matches, people! Ted Caldweller cannot be bought! However, don’t let this stop anyone from trying, because I’m a very corruptible man.
June 25, 2009
Montreal, Quebec, Canada
– Show opens backstage, as Alias, the Original Pulp Private Investigator, continues his quest to find out the answer to last season’s cliffhanger: Who Killed Seymour Almasy? Tonight’s suspect: Andy Sharp. But Sharp wants to instead find out where Alias was during ACW’s dark days and why he’s acting like he should be thanked for what he’s doing. “Do you even realize what you’re fighting for, when you fight for ACW?”
– Next week is the ACW Montreal Wrestling Festival.
– Outside, the Unknown Elements (Shawn Arrows and Carlos Lopez) and their manager Jessica Jenkins make nice with the drunks and soon-to-be-drunks.
1 – Frank Pierce (w/Alexandria Malone) vs. Andy Sharp
Sharp is fresh off not becoming the number one contender to the World Title, thanks in part to Pierce (THE CROWN JOO-ELL!) and Ryan Gallway. Pierce gets a Wrestlemania III-style platform entrance. Sharp dominates early until Pierce catches Sharp with a sick STO on the apron. Sharp’s first comeback attempt is thwarted with a sit-out spinebuster, and a T-bone suplex gets two. Pierce dumps Sharp then connects with a suicide dive. Back inside, Pierce connects with a top rope spinning back elbow for two and works on Sharp’s back. After Sharp hits a leg lariat, they take a five count. Later, Sharp hits Jecht Shot II (Seymour Almasy’s running single leg dropkick) for two. Sharp catches Pierce up top with a pop-up enzuigiri, which eventually gets him a nearfall. Good selling of the back injury by Sharp here. Sharp looks for Leet Feet v.2, but here comes Gallway, followed shortly thereafter by Mach 2, who takes out Gallway, only to be taken out by Malone’s Sunspot (superkick). Pierce uses the chaos to obliterate Sharp with The Royal Road (running shoulder block) for the win.
WINNER: Frank Pierce via pinfall. Really good opener, and the interference at the end didn’t detract at all from the match. Looks like we’re heading toward Heirs vs. Sharp & Mach 2 sometime soon, which could be a show stealer if given the right amount of time. (**3/4)
– Outside, Brian Spaes lets us know a revolution is on the rise, as are some hot dogs.
– Backstage, Alias finds SilverHAWK cheating on him with Khristian Keller, Undercover P.I.
– Elsewhere backstage, Pi In the Sky (Mr. Wrestling Pi & Avis Flyfield) are looking to up their record from 0-2 to 1-2.
– Spirit of ACW Champion Trevor Wilson is out for open challenge time, which brings out Kelly Flawless, who is AIDS serious about challenging for the title. Well, at least until Frank Dylan James shows up, and then Wilson is blown away by how easily both guys are sidetracked. This leads us to…
2 – Kelly Flawless vs Frank Dylan James (Winner Gets Spirit of ACW Title Shot)
Pretty much what you’d expect when you have a crazy inbred brawler and a comedic fat guy: punches, yelling, and horrible wrestling, with bonus obvious spot calling. Both men tumble to the floor, leading to FDJ pummeling K-Flaw and K-Flaw retreating.
RESULT: Double count out. This match set the wrestling industry back at least 12 years. Possibly 13. (-***3/4)
– Backstage, Iceman is angry. Mostly about being in a tag team match with John Hurst.
3 – Tried & True (Ikan Jobtayoo & Conrad Ramsey) vs. John Hurst & Iceman
Ramsey quickly becomes your old man in peril, and he takes an ugly German suplex from Hurst at one point. Jobtayoo makes a not-so-hot blind tag, tries to clean house, but fails and becomes your foreign jobber in peril. Later, the fans chant along with heel Iceman for 10 punches in the corner for some reason, then boo him. Oh, boo yourselves, Montreal. Jobtayoo eventually dumps Hurst, tags in Ramsey, and slingshots himself onto Hurst on the floor, leaving Iceman and Ramsey in the ring. One lariat finishes off Iceman.
WINNER: Tried & True via pinfall. Pretty dull match. (*)
– Backstage, Brian Spaes runs into the Heirs of Wrestling. Spaes + Gallway = tension.
– Outside, somebody snitches to Unknown Elements that those biker brothers are heading out to the ring. He was later found dead in the trunk of a car with a rat stuffed in his mouth.
– In-ring, Butch and Mack Brody and some chick named Tara are out to let us know that they’ll be fighting each other. Now. After a couple minutes of mostly brawling, Avis Flyfield and Mr. Wrestling Pi head out, although the Brodys don’t even notice them (or hear the music?) at first.
4 – Sons of Anarchy (Butch & Mack Brody) vs. Pi in the Sky (Avis Flyfield & Mr. Wrestling Pi)
Early, Pi looks for a rana on Mack, but he counters with a powerbomb. Flyfield is your jobber in peril, but eventually makes a hot tag. Enter Shawn Arrows and Carlos Lopez riding bicycles (Arrows’ is a girly pink one with a basket) in an attempt to mock the Brodys. After a Mack Truck (chokeslam) on Pi, Butch heads up top for Butch Cut (top rope diving headbutt) for the win.
WINNERS: Sons of Anarchy via pinfall. Pretty much a squash to get over the Sons of Anarchy. Pi in the Sky, ACW’s version of the Detroit Lions, are now 0-3. (3/4*)
– Backstage, Brian Spaes and SilverHAWK argue.
– Elsewhere backstage, a pissed off Iceman beats up the arena.
– Elsewhere backstage, Kelly Flawless and Frank Dylan James fight isn’t over. Trevor Wilson finds them and lets them know that next week it will be Frank Dylan James and Trevor Wilson vs. Kelly Flawless in a handicap match. Whoever gets the pin wins the title. FDJ goes to find beers; K-Flaw goes for cheeseburgers.
– Elsewhere backstage, an angry John Hurst promises to embarrass Ikan Jobtayoo.
– Via video, Landon Stevens lets us know that he hasn’t debuted yet.
5 – Khristian Keller vs. Alias (Scorpion Championship)
Alias goes on the offense right away, but Keller doesn’t fight back at all, even though his nose and mouth get bloodied. This, naturally, drives Alias nuts, as the man who he hates won’t fight him. Alias blasts Keller with a chair, and the crowd turns against him. Alias leaves the bloody, smiling Keller in the ring for our sportz entertainment finish.
RESULT: No contest. Wasn’t really a match, but this was yet another great piece of the Keller/Alias feud. Keller’s mind games here were just fascinating to watch play out on Alias, as Keller seeks to take away everything from Alias: his role as the “ACW franchise player” and now the fans with this display. This feud is just awesome, and has potential to be feud of the year if this greatness keeps up.
– Backstage, Avis Flyfield and Mr. Wrestling Pi are visited by the Nookie Monster, an oversized version of Tyson Tomko who apparently just recites Limp Bizkit lyrics to get cheap heat. And apparently Nookie is mildly retarded. Nookie wants to tag with Flyfield. Next week, the Mile High Club returns. Fans hate this news.
– In-ring, Max Danger is out with his entourage of drunks, Armsy McDanger, and Marcus the Smark. He welcomes us to the Danger Dome. It’s time to find out who won the vote to get a shot at the World Title. And the winner is…Seymour Almasy!
6 – Seymour Almasy vs. Max Danger (ACW World Championship Match)
Almasy no-shows, due to being pretty much dead.
WINNER: Max Danger via countout. Didn’t care for the balloon and confetti run-in at the end, but hey, that’s just quibbling. ***** (and yes, that’s a typo).
– Post-match, the number one contender Brian Spaes comes out to visit the King of ACW and challenge him to a match right now. Danger balks at wrestling twice in one night. Spaes won’t let the title suffer through another horrible reign (now that’s a shoot, brother). Danger says that he makes the rules. Spaes vows to haunt Danger until the match happens. Danger won’t defend the title, but he agrees to a tag title next week and we out.
Final Thoughts: The Alias/Keller angle is absolutely tremendous right now. Danger/Spaes was solid, and the Heirs/Sharp/Mach 2 feud is starting to heat up nicely. Aside from the opening match, there wasn’t any quality wrestling, but overall the show just flew by and was very entertaining.