July 2, 2009
Montreal, Quebec, Canada?
– Show opens with footage from after last week’s show, as Brian Spaes and Trevor Wilson try to recruit a mysterious new member to the Minutemen. Spaes does his usual spiel about how this isn’t what ACW was supposed to be and lists off everything that’s wrong. Damn those promoters for wanting to make money and creating a moderately successful product!
– Tonight is the Montreal Wrestling Festival, which means all the matches are going on outside the arena.
1 – Kelly Flawless vs. Frank Dylan James & Trevor Wilson (Spirit of ACW Championship Handicap Match)
Wilson is your Spirit of ACW champion, and he set this match up last week after James and Flawless fought in an abortion of a wrestling match. Whoever gets the pin here takes home the gold. There’s a 50 percent of thunderstorms, but 100 percent chance of thunderthighs (courtesy of K-Flaw). Flawless and FDJ start us off with much wheezing and brawling, respectively. Wilson demands FDJ tag out, which he does for some reason. Wilson shows some strength, taking K-Flaw up for a double underhook suplex for two. FDJ tags himself in and hits a flying knee for two. K-Flaw bails, but FDJ suicide dives out with a “space drivin’ tiger flop.” Back inside just before the 10, K-Flaw manages to hit a reverse DDT for two, as Wilson saves his title. FDJ hits an ugly suplex, Wilson tags in, and FDJ connects with the Mountain Top Drop, only for Wilson to hit the Bell Chime on his partner. Bastard’s Black Headcrusher finishes off Flawless.
WINNER: Trevor Wilson and Frank Dylan James via pinfall. Better than expected, but when two-thirds of your match are James and Flawless, you can’t really expect much. (*)
– Meanwhile, the Sex Symbols (JD Hart and Sean Peters) arrive via limo. They’re not happy that they have to wrestle outside with the common folk.
– Backstage, Frank Dylan James is looking for the toilets, but instead ends up in locker room of the Greatest Wrestler Walking the Earth (and perhaps the moon) Max Danger. FDJ yoinks the World Championship away from Danger and gets some chili dog on it. Danger is not amused.
2 – The Heirs of Wrestling (Frank Pierce & Ryan Gallway (w/Alexandria Malone) vs. The First Airbourne (Andy Sharp & Mach 2)
Airbourne takes over early with several quick, high-impact moves, including a combo where Mach 2 monkey flips Gallway into a sitout powerbomb by Sharp. Mach 2 stays in control on Pierce until Gallway catches him on the apron and drives him into the steel steps. The Heirs team up for a camel clutch/dropkick combo on Mach, who becomes the face-in-peril. A legsweep DDT gets Gallway two. Mach tries to come back, but gets caught in a hot shot by Gallway. Pierce nails Ye Olde Royale Elbow, which will be HUGE if he ever turns face. As Sharp tries to get in, the ref restrains him, so Gallway hits Mach with a frog splash (and a cocky pin for one) to piss of Sharp. After a leapfrog Rocker dropper, Mach is finally able to make the wet tag. Sharp unloads with CANADIAN VIOLENCE upon Pierce, and gets a nearfall after a corkscrew European uppercut. Sharp looks for a springboard move, but slips off the rope due to the rain and takes an ugly fall, so Pierce covers for two. The Heirs are taken to the floor, and take a Fosbury Flop dive from Mach 2, followed by a tope con hilo by Sharp. Back inside, Airbourne combines for Turbo Boost (Total Elimination) on Gallway for two, as Pierce saves. He slams elbows into Sharp’s head, but Sharp ends up hanging him on the second rope. Running neckbreaker by Gallway on Sharp, but Gallway is caught by a running headscissor by Mach 2. Sharp and Mach combine for some 1238 action on the Heirs, leading to Mach 2’s Speed Of Sound (springboard shooting star press) on Gallway for three.
WINNERS: The First Airbourne. Very nice tag team match. The rain hindered things a little bit, especially with that one Sharp spot, but I hope to see these two teams hook up again. Often. (***1/4)
– Meanwhile, Alias is having a bad day.
– Backstage, Marcus, sorry, Marvin McMuscles (Marcus wearing a muscle suit) wants to be Max Danger’s partner. After attempting to lift the desk, Marvin’s suit pops, so Danger whacks him with Armsy McDanger. Funny stuff.
– Backstage, Avis Flyfield is happy, Nookie Monster is out of shape, and Mr. Wrestling Pi is a sad American panda.
– In the crowd, April Monday debuts in ACW, and reveals she is equal parts Bitchslapaho and Dropkickaho Indian. She’s all about girl power, not diva nudity. Which sucks, because she’s a hot redhead.
3 – Rory Hayes & Lolicon vs. The Milehigh Club (Avis Flyfield & Nookie Monster) (w/Mr. Wrestling Pi)
Hayes and Lolicon get the jobber intro (i.e., none). Hayes catches Flyfield early with a powerslam for two. Later, Flyfield hits a springboard clothesline on Lolicon. Nookie Monster has no interest in wrestling, so Flyfield takes Lolicon down with a spinning heel kick for two. After a fireman’s carry flapjack, Flyfield heads up top but gets nothing but shins, and Lolicon ankle locks him, but Flyfield quickly grabs the ropes. Lolicon hits a Sky High on Flyfield for two. They fight over a northern lights suplex before Flyfield hits a 747 (flying headbutt). Pi forces Nookie to tag in for some crappy brawling. Later, Nookie pulls out some brass knuckles and catches Lolicon in the ribs. “ALL FOR THE NOOKIE!” leads to I Just Nailed Your Mom (clothesline) for the three. Post-match, Flyfield is ecstatic.
WINNERS: The Milehigh Club via pinfall. Oddball of a match. Not much in the way of selling in this one. And Nookie Monster is just walking Wrestlecrap. (*)
– Behind a tent, Brian Spaes and Trevor Wilson chat over Minutemen business, and Wilson reveals he was “scouting” Frank Dylan James earlier.
– Backstage, Max Danger responds to my (sarcastic) ***** rating of his match with Almasy last week. I’m “sassy.” Will I get sassy to his face? Check out Courage this coming week as I, Ted Caldweller, head to Montreal at Lord Danger’s beckoning! Danger is interrupted by Frank Pierce and Ryan Gallway (money stable waiting to happen right there), who bow, but Danger doesn’t want the mases to think he “feasts upon the sausage.” Alexandria Malone ends up slapping Pierce with Armsy McDanger when he gets fresh, and Danger is aghast that she got her cooties on the prosthetic.
– In-ring, Iceman is in his usual cuddly kitty mode, just joyful that last week he lost while teamed with a “rookie faggot.” “I am not a tag team wrestler! I used to be a tag team wrestler…” And with that, Iceman’s train of thought is derailed. After a temper tantrum, he issues an open challenge, which is accepted by the debuting Landon Stevens. Apparently, Iceman isn’t happy when it rains. Or when it’s complicated. I wonder if he smiles in the dark?
4 – Iceman vs. Landon Stevens
Stevens fights off Iceman early and catches him in a rear naked choke. Iceman’s arm drops twice, but the third time’s the eye poke. Stevens scores several nearfalls, and eventually scores the win after Iceman catches him in a moonsault, wiggles free, and small packages him for the win.
WINNER: Landon Stevens via pinfall. Too short to amount to anything. (1/2*)
Post-match, Iceman freaks out and we have ourselves a rematch.
5 – Iceman vs. Landon Stevens II
This epic rematch was seconds in the making. This one is mostly Stevens again. Iceman baills, grabs a chair and blasts the Rookie ASSHOLEFAGGOTDICKFACE for the DQ. Stevens blades.
WINNER: Landon Stevens via DQ. One more win, and Max Danger would’ve sued for gimmick infringement. (1/4*)
– And now it’s déjà vu all over again, as we relive the exact same Max Danger/Heirs of Wrestling segment in it’s entirety. D’oh! Production error!
– Outside, Frank Dylan James and security dude “Buffalo” Brian Slater incite DRUNKEN VIOLENCE!
6 – Unknown Elements (Shawn Arrows & Carlos Lopez) vs. The Brody Brothers (Mack & Butch Brody)
This match is pretty much built on a bicycle mockery UE did on the Brody Brothers last week. Rain, rain, won’t go away. The Brodys get the jump on UE during their entrance. After some fighting, Arrows gets to the ring and hits a suicide dive clothesline on the Brodys. The match finally becomes official, and Lopez is forced to go one on two as Arrows remains down. After a beatdown, Lopez is able to tag in Arrows finally. After a tornado DDT on Mack, Lopez looks for a baseball slide dropkick, but misses and slides to the floor. Back in, Arrows no-sells the bump and goes back to work on Mack’s leg. Later, Arrows hits a 450 lariat (because sometimes, a regular lariat just isn’t effective enough). UE are a pretty dangerous team to watch, and not in the “controlled violence” kind of way. They’re gonna hurt someone if they don’t tone done some of this stuff. Later on, Lopez hits a shooting star press on Butch, as Mack grabs Arrows for the Mack Truck (chokeslam), which eventually gets two. Lopez catches Butch with Insomnia (reverse STO). Arrows hits a DDT on Mack for two. Butch heads up top but gets caught in the Arrow-Shot DDT by Arrows for the three.
WINNER: Unknown Elements via pinfall. Match was pretty jumbled and chaotic at times, and not in the good way. Really lacked a proper tag team build, and didn’t build heat on anyone. Some decent spots, sure, but not a very good match. (*1/4)
– Elsewhere, we’ve got angst between Brian Spaes and Ryan Gallway. Spaes plays the part of the angry drunk father hooked on meth trying to pay for his sins, while Gallway plays the righteous victim.
– Backstage, Marcus the Smark tries to find out if Miles Graceland’s client, John Hurst, likes Max Danger in that special main event kind of way, and if so, if he’d consider accompanying him on a date to the main event later this evening. Marcus, as is probably the norm for him, is turned down. Awwwwkward.
– Elsewhere, two English dudes (or, as Iceman might call them, Cockneysuckers) are sad to be missing Wimbledon, but glad to be in Canada.
7 – The Kingdom (Spencer King and Jamie King) vs. The Sex Symbols (JD Hart & Sean Peters)
Man, the subtitle of this show should’ve been Revenge of the Tag Teams. The Kingdom rules early, with Hart unable to get any offense going, and Peters getting caught whenever he tries to interfere. Momentum swings when Hart rams a shoulder into Jamie’s knee. It’s also pouring out pretty fiercely now, by the way. Not much build before Jamie is able to tag out, and Spencer catches Hart with the King Sting (bearhug cradle DDT). After a German suplex by Jamie on Peters, Spencer hits Hope’n’Glory on Hart for the win.
WINNERS: The Kingdom via pinfall. Pretty much a squash. (3/4*)
– Backstage, a frustrated Sean Peters beats up his locker room. I think Iceman wrote their dialogue.
– At the bar, Chris Moliano unsuccessfully tries to talk referee Paige Allen into a wet T-shirt, so he brings her to the ring and issues an open challenge. The good news for Moliano? The Moliano Wrestling Clinic is back. The bad news: so is Kelly Masters, who runs down Max Danger, Seymour Almasy, and even Trevor Wilson on his way out.
8 – Chris Moliano vs. Kelly “Machine” Masters
They trade a couple nearfalls early, before Moliano takes Masters down with headscissors and then hits a springboard senton for two. A Moliano slap makes Masters very angry, and after a beating, Masters slaps Moliano right out of the ring. Outside, Masters introduces Moliano to the apron. But Moliano catches Masters coming back inside with a dropkick, and he takes nasty fall. Suicide splash by Moliano! Back inside, Moliano gets two. And it rained, and it rained, and it rained, and it rained. Moliano connects with a supersault, but unfortunately it’s onto a puddle. Straight out of a butterfly suplex, Masters locks Moliano into an armbar with head scissors. Very nice. After breaking free of that, Moliano eventually comes back with an enzuigiri. Moliano gets a couple nearfalls, then hits a springboard supersault on Masters for two. Later, Moliano looks for a DDT but Masters picks him up and rams him to the buckles. Master suplexes Moliano to hell, but Moliano kicks out at two after a half-nelson suplex with a bridge. Moliano is able to avoid the Achilles Heel submission, but can’t hit anything on Masters, who eventually locks in Dragon clutch lock for the tap out.
WINNER: Kelly “Machine” Masters via Submission. Very nice little match. Featured some good back and forth action. Plus, it’s great to see Masters back. (**3/4)
– Backstage, Conrad Ramsey won’t be Max Danger’s partner. Left with a choice of either rain or Khristian Keller as his partner, Danger reluctantly chooses Keller.
– In a tent, Kelly Masters tells SilverHAWK that “There is no Minutemen side and ACW side, no right side or wrong side. There’s my side and I don’t play the politics game. I don’t clamor for votes or market myself through the media. If I want anything from anybody, I beat down their door and take it.”
– During the main event intros, Max Danger lets us know that Marcus the Smark will wrestle in his place. And Spaes still doesn’t have a partner, so we have…
9 – Khristian Keller & Marcus the Smark vs. Brian Spaes
Spaes in control early, but Keller comes back and they brawl to the outside. Keller gains the advantage, and back inside he works the leg until Spaes has enough of this wrestling shit and brawls his way free.
– Meanwhile, the never-ending saga of “Who Killed Seymour Almasy” continues, as Alias confronts Max Danger.
Back to the match, as Keller takes down Spaes with a belly-to-back suplex. Turns out this match is just really an angle, as Alias makes his way down, and Keller bails for a sportz entertainment finish. After Alias and Keller yell at each other, Trevor Wilson heads out with beers. Crowd is confused, as Alias appears to have joined the Minutemen, but nothing is confirmed via mic. The boys show off a flier as we fade out: “TAKE CONTROL ACW BELONGS TO YOU”.
Final thoughts: Ambiguous ending to the show, as it wasn’t really clear what was going on, as evidenced by the crowd reaction. And I’m sure not having an actual main event sent the rain-soaked crowd home less-than-happy. Some actual mic work might have been nice to make the Alias/Minutemen situation clearer. Hopefully they resolve this on the next Courage. This story does open up several possibilities, so I’ll withhold further comment until I see where they’re heading with this “revolution” angle. However, I obviously have concerns about it based on this “main event.” Anyway, a couple good matches tonight, but this show also felt very padded, as compared to recent tight and focused Courage shows. Plus, some bad “sports entertainment” elements are starting to creep into ACW shows. Well, I’ve gotta get to the Danger Dome. Make sure to watch Courage tonight kids, guest starring me!