[DARC] Energy

As the theme music finishes playing, cameras pan around the crowd to show a packed house for the much-anticipated episode 2, the #SecondShot, before finally stopping at the broadcast table.

“The Analyst” Dennis Varlet: Ladies and gentlemen welcome to the second installment of DARC Pro Sports: Tuesday Night Energy, I’m the voice of the show Dennis Varlet, and I’m joined by my broadcast colleague —

“The Opinion” Michael Chadwick: Michael Chadwick. “The Opinion” of the DARCside!

Varlet: Thanks for joining us for the conclusion of the Coastal Championship Competition this evening, we hope you’ll continue to enjoy this product in the future!

Chadwick: We’ve got a stacked card, including the debuting Bad Ass, James Kelloggs, taking on Muhammad Murder, and of course tonight is the night when we find out who our inaugural Heavyweight Champion will be! It feels like it’s been an eternity!

Varlet: But up first, we have a chaotic fourway match to open the show – NEW DARC Horse Champion THE Parker Van Peters will be in action – and the DARC Horse Championship will be on the line!!

Chadwick: Let’s go backstage, where I’m told Cory Chevelle is just now arriving.

Scene opens with a shot of the massive Silverback, Cory Chevelle, the DARC Pro Sports Heavyweight Championship contender. He is walking into the area through an access tunnel. His duffle bag is over his shoulder and he is listening to something on his headphones. Chevelle stops, however, as two other, rather large men come into scene.

Chevelle: You boys have something to say?

KORO: KORO say one thing today. KORO letting you know that you wont be making wrestling match tonight.

Chevelle: You think so?

Fat White Guy: Yea….we do.

Fat White Guy takes a MASSIVE swing at Corey, who ducks under it quickly and then tackles KORO before unleashing a flurry of hammer fists onto the side of the Russian’s large bulbous head. Chevelle is pulled off of KORO by Fat White Guy, and locked into some sort of full nelson hold. KORO starts to work the body and ribs of Chevelle, unleashing blow after devastating blow to the midsection of the Silverback.

KORO: Boss Deli make champion tonight. You make sad noises as KORO break ribs.

Chevelle looks very winded as the massive punches form KORO have done some impressive damage. KORO walks over to a stack of folding chairs left over from the audience set up. He grabs one and walks back over to Corey.

Chevelle: You better kill me son….

KORO: Not kill…only maim and out out of action for evening. If dead, that just bonus.

Fat White Guy: Maybe Boss Man Deli will put some special in our paycheck for this.

KORO: You get paid?

KORO shrugs it off and brings his chair back to take a final swing into their cage of Corey, but before he can swing, from out of no where comes a flash go gold across the face of KORO as THE Parker Van Peters smacks him in the face with his DARC Horse title. In the mean time, seeing an opening, Chevelle uses his impressive lower body strength and pushes the Fat White guy into the wall, hard, and escapes from his grasp. Corey begins to wail on FWG, as Koro is on the ground trying to fight off the vicious kicks from PVP. KORO and FWG finally manage to run off, as PVP and Chevelle slowly back into each other. They turn around quickly, each ready to attack the other. However, the rage turns to a smile, and PVP reaches out his fist. Corey returns in kind with a fist bump.

Cory: Thanks for the help, champ.

PVP: I know you would have taken them out yourself….but I really, REALLY want to get my hands on those mooks.

Cory: Im always down for beating up on retards. How about after you retain your title and I win mine, we go out and celebrate? Get crazy and show everyone how DARC Champions do things.

PVP: Sounds good….see you after you win bro.

The two fist bump again and walk off.

**DARC Horse Championship**
Opening Fatal Fourway Match
THE Parker Van Peters (c.) vs Cecily Bell vs KORO vs Veronica Taylor

Cruz Bleckley: The following opening contest is a fatal fourway match, scheduled for one fall! And it is for, the DARC Horse Championship!!

The Pretty Reckless’ “Going to Hell” blares as she walks out as it is dark.

Cruz Bleckley: Introducing the first challenger, from Toronto, Ontario, Canada, standing 5′ 8”! Cecily! Beeeelllllll!!!

She doesn’t interact with the fans as she walks down. She slides into the ring and sits in the corner and waits for the match to start.

Cruz Bleckley: And the second challenger…

The entire building shudders briefly as the Kezar Pavilion’s air conditioning rumbles into its highest setting. As the arena grows colder, the driving guitar riffs of the Soviet national anthem thunder through the sound system. Red spotlights fall on the tunnel entrance. There stands KORO, hands on hips, head held high.

Cruz Bleckley: Introducing, from Ust- Ordynski Collective in the USSR, he stands an astonishing 6′ 9″, and weighs in at an unbelievable 400 pounds…This is “The Bad Boy”, The “Russian Concussion”…KOOOOORRRRROOOOO!!

He stomps slowly down the ramp, eyes locked straight ahead on the ring. When he reaches the ropes, Koro drops his heavy wool coat from his shoulders and hangs his fur-lined Ushanka hat from the turnbuckle. After ducking under the ropes, he turns full circle in the center of the ring, smiling.

“WHO WANT SMASHING NOW? KORO AM HERE FOR SMASH!”

Cruz Bleckley: And the final challenger;

Superficial by Heidi Montang hits over the pa system as the lights begin to flash all over the arena, as the fans give a loud ovation of booing. As, a makeshift runway appears, and soon a red carpet is
rolled on top of it. As, out from the back steps Veronica Taylor with outstretched arms as the fans boo her, before grabbing her mirror and blowing herself a kiss. After, a few moments she begins to do a model like strut on the red carpet runway as a few photographers appear to take her photos, as she poses arrogantly. She, then takes a look around her grabbing her perfume from Veronica’s Secret and sprays it around to get rid of the “stench” in the arena.

Cruz Bleckley: Introducing, from Los Angeles, California, she stands 5′ 9″ tall. “Mean Girl”! Veeerrroooonnniiicccaaa! Taaayyyllloooorrrrrrr!!!

Veronica then stands at the end of the entrance ramp, doing some more poses. Before, raising her arms in the air as the fans fill the air with more boos. Before, she mouths to the camera “So damn first class baby”, before blowing a kiss to the camera. As, she then moves to the ring apron, yelling at the referee to lower the ropes for her, which he does as Veronica enters under the bottom rope. As, she then stands in the center of the ring raising her arms in the air, before lowering them slowly. Then, she grabs out her perfume and sprays it all around killing the stench in the ring. As, Veronica then takes off her diamond necklace and hangs it on the corner, as she grabs her compact mirror and makes sure her makeup is done flawlessly. As she fluffs her hair, and blows herself a kiss.

Cruz Bleckley: And last, but certainly not least…

~Here We are…. Born to be Kings, we’re the Princes of the Universe!~

PVP enters from the back. He is wearing a white fur coat. He has his head lowered, but you can see him snicker to himself as the crowd boos. He slowly raises his head and smirks as the crowd boos.

~Here we belong, fighting to survive , in a world with the darkest power!~

Cruz Bleckley: Ladies and Gentlemen, entering the ring now…standing 6′ 1”, and weighing in at 222 and three-quarters of a pound, he is the NEW DARC Horse Champion! THE Main Man, this is; THE! PARKER! VAAAANNNN! PEEEETTTEEERRRRERSSSSSS!

PVP walks down the ramp, showing off his title and laughing as the boos from the crowd seemingly empower him. He climbs up the ring steps and wipes his feet on the ring apron. PVP then climbs into the ring, and opens with arms wide. PVP then heads over to a turnbuckle and starts to climb it.

~I am Immortal. I have inside me blood of kings.~

PVP Climbs onto a turnbuckle and raises his arms and shows his head back as the music fills the air and the crowd erupts in a chorus of boos. He begins to scream insults back at the crowd. He then walks over to the opposite corner and does the same motion. The music plays and he continues to yell back at the crowd, pointing out their inadequacies and such.

~We were Born to be Princes of the Universe.~

PVP walks over to the ref and spreads his arms out. He snaps at the ref and has hims remove his white fur coat, then yells at him to make sure not to get it dirty.

-Ding. Ding.-

Chadwick: Interesting how Veronica and Parker made their own entrances. You’d have thought the desire to be DARC’s premiere power couple would have seen them coming out in unity.

Varlet: Well, it’s a fourway isn’t it? For a singles title? I’m sure Parker is just being a good, competitive sport. Gentlemanly competition, as it were.

All four glance at each other. Well three, as KORO is busy flexing and showing off his Russian-made muscle. Vero winks at PVP, who returns the gesture, the two of them turning to KORO, whom remains oblivious to the two as he continues admiring his muscles with the crowd. PVP approaches from the front, with his hands up, asking the big Russian “why”, while Vero comes up from behind, raking the back of the big man! KORO looks startled, and begins to turn around, when PVP begins unloading a barrage of punches to the well toned chest of him!

Varlet: So much for gentlemanly competition!

Chadwick: That was fast. But, did you really expect anything else?

KORO starts to turn back to PVP, but Vero starts slapping his back, the combined pressure on both fronts causing the monster of a man to slowly drop to one knee! PVP lets out a sigh of relief, almost satisfied with getting the early jump on his [now ex] comrade, he briefly raises his left arm in the air in victory, closing his eyes, almost tasting the brief retribution – not retribution for a series of chairshots mind you, but at least a measure of retribution as such. When PVP’s eyes open, he’s greeted by an angry Russian, now towering above him! He calls out for Vero, the camera pans across the ring, to reveal…Cecily standing over a prone Vero, pummeling her with assorted strikes!

Varlet: It was good while it lasted. Now Parker will have to contend with the monster solo.

PVP slowly backs up from KORO, but KORO utilizes his reach to keep PVP within range. PVP grabs KORO by the arm and attempts to whip KORO, but KORO snorts and whips PVP instead!

Chadwick: What was Parker thinking?! That whip was never going to work…

KORO sends PVP running, smack into Cecily…who grabs PVP and whips him to the ropes, but this one PVP manages to reverse and send Cecily into them instead – but Cecily flips between the top and middle ropes, exploding out of them with a stunning lariat on PVP! PVP is dazed as he staggers around as KORO nods approvingly at Cecily’s handiwork. “That look fun. Now KORO try!!”

Varlet: Wait, he’s not going to…

KORO lunges back into the ropes, flipping between the top and middle, exploding out of them with a ring-shattering “KOROLINE” (Stan Hansen Lariat) of his own!! PVP flips a 360 in the air before flopping down cold on the mat! KORO gets a cautious, but amazed, stare from Cecily before getting taken down by a just now rising Vero! She looks on, mortified at PVP’s prone carcass on the mat, and lunges back into the ropes, flipping between the top and middle ropes, and exploding out of them with a lariat of her own onto KORO – who promptly catches her, and plants her to the mat with a huge standing big boot of his own! Vero falls back, arms and legs sprawled out as she hits the mat flat on her back!!

Chadwick: This is like Oprah. You get a lariat. And you get a lariat. And you get a lariat!

Varlet: We’ll just call this the clothesline match!

KORO laughs as the “pretty mean girl falls on her back”, covering her by sitting on top of her. Logan slides into position to count the fall;

1!

2!

PVP makes the diving save at the last minute!

Varlet: Wait, he’s still alive?!

PVP breaths a quick sigh of relief, wiping his brow as he saved his Championship from KORO. He stands up tall, turns around – and eats a missile dropkick from Cecily!

Varlet: Where’d she come from!?

Chadwick: I’d imagine from the top rope…

Varlet: Smartass.

Cecily lands the move, taking PVP off his feet! She reaches over and covers him with an arm across his chest while Logan counts;

1!

2 – PVP kicks out!

Cecily gets up, pulling PVP up with her. She digs her foot deep into his abdomen, doubling him over with a deep toe kick. PVP lets out a gasp as the kick winds him before she flips her hair back, taking PVP into a front facelock to drop him with a running bulldog – until she gets stopped by the immovable wall known only by four letters; KORO. She starts to back off, but the big mountain of a monster grabs her and PVP around the throat, ready to chokeslam them – and does just that!

Varlet: KORO’s strength is incredible! He just slammed two people by the throat!

Chadwick: Now we see why Delikado enlisted him into The Collective.

KORO keeps a hand on both their chests, as Logan drops down to make the double count;

1!

1!

2!

2!

Vero makes the last minute saves!!

Chadwick: Wow, I thought she was out after that boot!

Varlet: No kidding, but was she saving her man’s Title…or trying to put herself in position to steal it?!

KORO sits up, enraged at Vero’s interference! Vero, just now realizing the error in her ways of disturbing the Russian monster, slowly begins to back away, With one fluid motion, KORO kips up and turns around, stalking Vero.

Varlet: What the hell was that?! Did-did he?!

Chadwick: How does a man that large, move that swiftly?!

Vero finds herself backed into the corner, unable to move further as KORO closes in, mouthing the words “treacherous mean girl pay now!” KORO stares down at her, taking her over with a massive STIFF kick to the guy, sticking her head between her legs and picking her up in a powerbomb – until Cecily staggers the big man with a standing dropkick to the back! The commotion causes Vero to slip the back and out of the ring while the big man regains his composure.

Chadwick: I have no idea why she would have interrupted the powerbomb Veronica was about to take, but…

Varlet: She really IS crazy!

KORO turns around as Cecily brings her heel up to KORO’s torso – but it bounces off the brickwall abs of the Russian, allowing KORO to grab Cecily’s leg and hold her there, laughing, almost mocking her. “Puny small American woman. KORO crush you now!” He pulls her in close, lining her up with his big, meaty forearm for a brutal “KOROLINE”. Vero slowly slides back into the ring under the bottom rope. He shifts his position to strike, but the shift gives Cecily enough time to get out of his grip, causing him to hit air! Cecily spins around – AND GETS SPRAYED IN THE FACE WITH “VERONICA’S SECRET” (Vero’s signature perfume), blinding her! KORO spins around again, this time even madder that these two small women have evaded his attacks, charges forward with a full head of steam, knocking BOTH girls out with a double “KOROLINE”!! Cecily takes the impact hard, but rolls to the outside of the ring, while Vero stumbles back, into the turnbuckles, blacked out, before faceplanting on the mat!

Varlet: Woah, someone better check on her because that didn’t look right…

KORO looks down at Vero’s unconscious body, pulling her away from the ropes. He places one foot over her chest and flexes his well-toned Russian frame, Logan dropping down to count the fall;

1!

2!

Out of nowhere, KORO is blind-sided by a flying knee to the face! The impact sends him spilling to the floor while the cameras slowly reveal the source of the knee…

Varlet: Parker…

Chadwick: He sure took his sweet time recovering from that chokeslam.

PVP can be heard shouting angrily at KORO “keep your hands off my girlfriend”, before dropping down to check on her. When he realizes she’s unresponsive, he wraps his arms around her, hugging her…

1!

2!

3!

Varlet: That snake…

The bell sounds, but PVP doesn’t notice, instead he continues to hold Vero tightly. Queen’s “Princes of the Universe” begins serenading the Kezar Pavilion, as Cruz Bleckley makes the announcement…

Chadwick: I thought he was turning over a new leaf. But did he just take advantage of his unconscious girlfriend to retain?!

Cruz Bleckley: Ladies and gentlemen, your winner as a result of a pinfall, and STTTIIIILLLLLL the DARC HORSE CHAMMMMPPPPIIIOONNNN!!!! THE! PAARRRKKEEERRRR!! VAAANNN!! PEEEEETEEEERRRRSSSSS!!!

Logan hands PVP his title, and only then does it set in what just transpired. He tries to keep his composure, but can’t help but smirk even a little bit at his first successful title defense.

Varlet: I don’t know, you gotta believe he was genuinely concerned for Veronica’s safety…

Chadwick: But that looked suspect. I don’t know…

PVP stands up, title proudly displayed over his left shoulder, albeit to a mixed reaction from the crowd…which quickly turns to boos as KORO slides back into the ring from behind, creeping up on PVP…

Varlet: Oh come on, not like this…

KORO grabs PVP by the hair, dragging him back and throwing him into the ropes. Before PVP can rebound off them however, KORO blocks his path with a boot to the face to stun him, taking advantage of that by tying his arms up in the ropes! PVP flails a bit helplessly, while KORO laughs. “Now I finish job boss Delikado tell me to do!” were the last words KORO uttered, before laying in heavy body shots to PVP’s unprotected chest, each one causing him to yelp louder and louder, until…

Chadwick: Hey, that guy just jumped the barricade! Somebody, stop him!

The hooded man, dressed in sneakers and jeans, quickly enters the ring and pulls KORO off of PVP by wrapping his hands around his neck to apply a choke – but KORO breaks the choke, turns around, and – eats a back body drop for his troubles, sending him scrambling out of the ring! The hooded man then turns his attention to PVP and untangles the ropes, to which PVP mouths a “thanks” followed by a “who are you”. The man eventually removes his hood to reveal…

…The crowd POPS as the hood drops…

Chadwick: Unbelievable!

Varlet: That man is the final Pacific-Northwest Champion, a proud man representing the people of Portland, Oregon as their Champion — ISAAC SOLO!!

PVP looks at Isaac, a bit in shock as he remembers their last interactions in the The Alliance. Nevertheless the two share a handshake in the ring as the cameras cut to ringside.

Varlet: Well, well. This is quite the signing. Props to Victor for pulling this off, and keeping it tight lipped so the spoiler didn’t break early.

Chadwick: That is pretty impressive, especially for a guy of Victor’s background. Nevertheless, welcome Isaac Solo to the DARCside, and we look forward to what you bring to the table!

Muhammad Murder vs James Kelloggs

Mustache? No. Sideburns? No. Goatee? Maybe. Beard? BEARD!
Lights within the venue would begin to flicker on and off sporadically as the opening riff to Psychostick’s “Obey the Beard” begins to play, much to the delight of the crowd.

Chants of “BEARD, BEARD, BEARD!” fills the area as the camera panned past a couple of fans who wore fake beards on their hairless faces. Some other fans however, sported a big ol’ bush on their face to go along with this “BEARD” movement! Eventually, the man known as Muhammad Murder would have his back turned towards the ring, his head just bobbing up and down to the music before going completely off rhythm and going nuts before turning around and hopping mad. After the third hop, Murder would widen his arms and would be engulfed by a massive cloud of purple fog.

A short moment would pass before, Murder would walk out of the fog as it begins to clear up.
Every time the hype demand of “GROW A BEARD!” would be uttered by Psychostick, the fans would go along with the song and repeated that demand as Murder reflexively tugs gently at his Beard. Soon enough, Murder would make it up to the ring apron before the song takes a moment to describe a solution to a rather specific problem involving a phone (spoiler: the solution was to grow a beard). As the song continued to build up to the solution (which was still growing the beard), Murder reached up and shook the ropes violently until the music was brought back up to speed. Murder releases the ropes and walks around the ring, eyeing at the attendants in the crowd. Muhammad then yanks out a pair of sunglasses and puts the shades on over his face as the song once again delivers various demands including feeding, landscaping, brushing and fearing the Beard. The Bearded One would soon hop onto the ring apron as spotlight shine right on the male’s glorious beard. A woman’s voice could be heard on the PA, praising the beard.

Oh, my, gawd! Becky! Look at his beard… It’s just so…beard!

The music would pick up again as Mumu would slide into the ring and immediately goes to the opposite side and lays on the ropes. The music would die down as Cruz Bleckley would finally decide to announce Muhammad Murder’s arrival.[/i]

Cruz Bleckley: Ladies and Gentlemen, sitting on the second ropes right now is a man who thinks his beard is a goddamned entity. But you know, what do I care about his oddity!? I’m just the ring announcer! So, introducing, from Phoenix, Arizonaaaaa! Muhammaaaaaaaaaad! Murderrrrrrrrr!

The lights in the arena cut out leaving the arena completely dark. After a couple of seconds a voice begins to speak.

Cruz Bleckley: And his opponent…

~Yeah bitches!
I set up and torn down this stage with my own two hands.
I’ve traveled this land packed tight in mini vans
All of this for the fans, the girls, money and fame.
I’ve played their game
As the bitches screamed my name.
I live and die for this.
And if I come off soft.
then chew on this.
You bitches better be scared….”~

A flash of light as Kid Rock’s American Badass kicks in. Walking out with a dump truck of attitude in his step is “Bad Ass” James Kelloggs! His apprentice VeggieBurger steps out behind him holding up his trademarked “HELL NO, NO GMO’S” sign. He pauses at the top of the ramp and removes his vest and tosses his hat. He punches his fist in his hand and marches down to the ring ignoring all of the fans who heckle him.

Cruz Bleckley: ….. Making his way to the ring, from Badassville. He is the first Bad Ass of DARC Pro. This is The Bad Ass! James Kelloggs!

James runs and slides under bottom rope and pops up to his feet. He stomps over to the nearest turnbuckles and starts to climb the turnbuckles and it’s not till he is on the second turnbuckle that his head pops over the top rope. James thrust a fist in the air as the chorus kicks in. VeggieBurger slides into the ring flipping his sign over that reads “DOWN WITH GMO’S!” James jumps off of the turnbuckle and spins in midair as he does. He marches out of the corner eyeing his opponent ready to tear into him.

– Ding. Ding. –

The unorthodox Murder looks curiously at the pint-sized Badass across the ring. Kelloggs however gives Murder a pissed off stare, even thrusting his pelvis at the beard man and mouthing, what we can only assume, is “suck it”. Murder tries to keep his composure, not wanting the Bad Ass to get under his skin with these “mental midget mindgames” TM. Anyway. Murder approaches James to lock up with him, but James takes the low road with a spin kick to the back of Murder’s knee, causing him to drop to a knee. With Murder closer to eye-level, James reaches out and grabs the beard, tugging it to bring Murder’s face directly into James’ knee! James repeats the setup two more times before finally pushing Murder away and dusting his hands off. “And that’s what I think of your stupid beard!” were the words you could audibly hear James shout through the venue.

Varlet: Muhammad has always been pretty chill, but I don’t think that was such a smart move by the Bad Ass One…

Chadwick: That beard is like a sibling to Muhammad. But still, I’m confident James has got this. Just look at him strutting around like he owns the ring!

As Chadwick alluded to, James begins strutting back and forth, mighty proud of himself as Murder takes a step back, holding his beard and…almost whispering to it. James stops for a moment to study what the heck Murder is doing (a frivolous endeavour if ever there was one) before stomping over to him, only to be whisked back by a sudden lunging knee lift that staggered the Bad Ass, followed up another that plants James down…with the beard draped over his face as Logan drops down to count the “fall”, as it were;

1!

2 – kick out!

Varlet: Is that Muhammad, or is the Beard becoming a sentient being?

Chadwick: Becoming? If you listen to Muhammad, that thing is already it’s own being!

James rolls back, quickly wiping his face to get all the disgusting “beard feel” off of him. Murder stands back up, this time it’s his turn to give a little triumphant laugh at James! Of course this only serves to aggravate the badass warrior, blinding charging into Murder – but Murder places his left hand on James’ head, holding him in place as he “winds up” the right hand On the third revolution just as Murder starts to swing, James instead quickly bites one of Murder’s fingers, which halts any progress of the swing as he pulls his left hand back. Murder checks to make sure James didn’t bite any of his fingers off, to which James again reaches up to yank Murder down by the beard, stunning him and bringing him lower, allowing James to grab Murder by the chest and deliver, the purple nurple!

Varlet: Wait. We’re watching a wrestling match, right?

Chadwick: Are we? Or is this Meatballs Two? Because I’m pretty sure I just saw a tit twister…

Murder rubs his nipples in a clockwise motion as he tries to get the feeling to return to normal. James reaches out again, but Murder – on instinct – begins rubbing his chest sensually and staring at James…who begins to get a bit creeped out. James takes a step back and a deep breath, then moves in to Murder again, this time not making eye contact as he reaches out – but Murder with lightning reflexes grabs James by the arm and twists, transitioning behind him. Murder wrenches on the arm as James struggles to break free, which he does…but not before Murder unleashes a LOUD club to the spine of the Bad Ass! The impact, as you’d imagine, sends James chest first onto the mat, prompting Murder to slither down and flip James over, calling Logan over to make the count;

1!

2!

James kicks out!

“Kick” being the operative word, as James brings his foot up to dot the side of Murder’s head with a kick. With Murder hunched over. James grabs him in a headlock and leads him into the corner. He backs up a few steps and points at Murder, letting out a roar as he sails towards Murder, flipping up in the air to nail the “Rolling BadAssery” (Cannonball), connecting and stunning Murder! James pulls Murder out of the corner, and drops down into a lateral press, yelling at Logan to “get your fat ass over here and count!” To which Logan does;

Varlet: Impressive agility by James!

Chadwick: They don’t call him a Bad Ass for nothing…

1!

Murder reaches out to grab the bottom rope!

James reaches out and knocks Murder’s arm off the bottom rope, gripping it tight to his side as he orders Logan to count again!

1!

2!

Murder rolls over onto his chest!

Varlet: Murder slips out of the pin, showing that cannonball didn’t completely take him out!

James continues the assault by sliding over on top of Murder’s back, mounting him. He takes Murder’s face in his left hand, and starts just running his right forearm through Murder’s face. Once. Twice. A third time before Logan tells him to cool it, which James blows off. He goes for a fourth – and nails it! But before he can land a fifth forearm, Murder pushes himself up to his feet while James slides off. James quickly goes across the ring to the ropes ad Murder shakes the cobwebs loose after those shots. James hits the ropes, rebounding even faster toward Murder – WHO SPINS AND BLASTS JAMES SQUARE IN THE CHEST WITH THE “HADOUKEN” (Double Palm Thrust)!!! James takes the full brunt of the impact and is thrust (no pun intended) into the air, sailing across the ring to the other side!!

Chadwick: With a swing like that, Muhammad should consider a golf career after wrestling.

Murder scrambles across the ring to Kelloggs, and goes for a pinfall, but Kelloggs slips out behind him. He clutches his chest, still feeling the hurt of the Hadouken, but tries latching onto Murder’s back to start the “Snap Crackle Pop” (Bank Statement) – but between transitions (after the backcracker part and before the crossface) Murder slyly flips out and onto the ropes, springboarding back to Kelloggs with the “Murder Mystery Overdrive” (Springboard Stunner)! Kelloggs takes the brunt on his chin, back flipping back falling flat onto the mat! Murder scrambles across the ring to make the cover, hooking the near leg as Logan drops down to count;

1!

2!

3!

Cruz Bleckley: Your winner as a result of a pinfall…MMMMUUUUHAAAAMMMMAAADDDD!!! MMMMMUUUURRRDDDDEEERRRR!!!

Varlet: That was likely the most bizarre match I’ve ever witnessed.

Chadwick: That’s seems to be a common occurrence whenever Muhammad is booked. But look at this crowd, they love his unorthodox style!

Psychostick’s “Obey the Beard” would start to play, and get the fans of the DARCside amped, but that would quickly transition to “The Stroke” – Billy Squier, and a round of jeers.

~Now Everybody, Have You Heard.
If You’re in the Game, Then the Stroke’s the Word!
Don’t Take No Rhythm, Don’t Take No Style!~

Murder would spin around looking for the source, but finds himself getting chop blocked from behind by none other than “Mr. Off-Brand”, Matty Daubs, much to the disapproval of the crowd!

Varlet: This guy…

Matty stands up and makes an O, then a B, with his hands, nodding at his handiwork and “cunning plan” of attacking someone after a match and from behind. But those groans would start to turn into cheers as, unbeknownst to Matty, Kelloggs would get back up and begin stalking the much larger man. Matty turns around – and right into a dropkick that takes him off his feet! Kelloggs quickly points to the corner, almost asking the crowd if they want to see him fly. Actually not asking, because he’s the Bad Ass, and he doesn’t care what you think! He just climbs the turnbuckle, and as he stands – the rope shifts and he crotches himself! The camera pans back to reveal that sweet b*tch, Kandy Kane – the other half of #KandyInDemand! She steps in the ring and unceremoniously pulls Kelloggs off the ropes, ordering Matty to do something with him…which he does by picking him up, only to lock him into the “Great Value Stretch” (Abdominal Stretch), making Kelloggs squirm as Matty punches the exposed abdomen a couple times. Kandy gets up close to him, mocking him, before slapping the Bad Ass across his face, amid boos and jeers from this San Francisco crowd!

Varlet: Now these two aren’t very nice…

Just then the crowd starts to pick back up as Murder gets back to his feet, albeit holding his calf after the chop block. Kandy turns, and slowly begins backing up from the bearded loon, telling her man to focus. Matty does so, dropping Kelloggs on the mat and turning to Murder. The two get into a tie-up, with Kandy kicking Murder right between the legs and allowing Matty to take Murder into the “Great Value Stretch”! Murder lets out a yelp as Matty buries a HEAVY punch into his side while Kandy gets in his face, mocking him, finishing with a disrespectful slap of her own! Just like they did to Kelloggs.

Varlet: These two. No respect…

Chadwick: Wrestling is a kill-or-be-killed world. They’re making sure they lock up their spots at the DARCside!

Varlet: But they’re just playing the numbers game. I don’t think I’ve ever seen them come at anyone heads up!

Chadwick: And why should they? They’ve got a working formula, and they’re gonna exploit that!

Matty eventually drops Murder face first, of course right on top of Kelloggs’ body, and in the most disrespectful way. He then picks up his “sweet” Kandy Kane, putting her on his shoulders triumphantly – all while the crowd hurls loud jeers, boos, and even some garbage in the ring at the duo, as we go to a commercial break.

Midget Saw by Alestorm hits over the PA system as Fizz steps out, accompanied by two large, massive bodyguards. He is wearing a pair of dress slacks, a button-up shirt and a dark blazer to set it all off. He raises up his wrist, checking the time on his Patek Philippe 5002P wristwatch and then sneers over at the insignificant crowd. This reaction brings about a response of boos and jeers at him, as he now walks down the aisle, closely followed by the bodyguards. He occasionally points at an unruly fan and one of his bodyguards threatens the fan, as Fizz now climbs up the black steel steps and enters the ring.

Cruz Bleckley: Ladies and gentlemen please welcome, the “Million DOllar Midget” – FIZZ!!

Fizz snatches the mic from Cruz’ hands, rudely.

Fizz: Two weeks ago, Paxton Caine cost me the chance at beating THE Parker Van Peters and becoming the inaugural DARC Horse Champion! I didn’t lose to Parker, let me be clear! I’ve made a history of beating former Top level Champions! Paxton Caine wants to get in my business, he can come out here right now, and we can settle up!

Fizz impatiently paces the ring, but instead of “Understanding in a Car Crash” playing, he’s met by Smash Mouth’s “Hot”, followed by Rebecca Hendrix appearing on the stage soon after. Already armed with a mic, the music fades, with her speaking as she walks down the aisle.

Rebecca Hendrix: I don’t know who this Paxton Caine is. But it sounds like you’re looking for a fight. Well I’m here. Just signed my deal, but I don’t have a match…

She says as she slides into the ring under the bottom rope.

Rebecca Hendrix: So why don’t you and I fight right now?

Fizz appears to think over the offer, before walking over to Hendrix and…blasting her in the gut with the microphone.

Fizz: Sorry toots…you’re just not worth my time! I want my rematch with Parker!

Fizz throws down the mic and exits the ring, leaving Hendrix holding her gut in pain.

Varlet: Fizz has a one-track mind!

Chadwick: Well he’s got a point. He never lost fairly, by all rights he should have gotten his rematch tonight. Instead he got challenged by a woman who hasn’t even had a match her yet.

Varlet: Well he needs to wait his turn. There’s a lot of people on this roster that could also have a shot. But if he would have fought Hendrix here tonight, maybe he would have impressed Laredo enough to get another shot.

Chadwick: Whatever. Anyway folks stick around – because Carmen Cambridge takes on Cory Chevelle; and it’s NEXT!

“#1 Seed” Carmen Cambridge vs “Silverback” Cory Chevelle

Cruz Bleckley: The following contest is scheduled for one-fall, and is a semi-final match of the Coastal Championship Competition to determine who moves on for the opportunity at being the 1st EVER DARC Pro Sports Heavyweight Champion! Introducing first…

‘Darkhorse’ begins playing as Carmen Cambridge makes her way to the top of the entranceway, decked out in all of her accessories.

Cruz Bleckley: From Vallejo, California, standing 5′ 5”, she is the Dark Horse your mother warned you about…CAAARRRRMMEEEENNNN!! CAAAMMMBBBRRRIIIIIDDDGGGEEE!!!!!

She walks to the ring, talking trash the entire time. Once she makes it to the ring, she confidently struts up the ring stairs and steps into the ring. She walks to the middle and points to herself, singing her own praises.

Cruz Bleckley: And her opponent…

“Whoever appeals to the law against his fellow man is either fool, or a coward. He Who that can not take care of himself without that law is both. For a wounded man shall say unto his assailant: ‘If I live, I will kill you.’ ‘If I die, you are forgiven. Such is the rule.. of Honor.”

BANG, BANG!! Just as the opening chords of “Devil gets your soul” by Nick Nolan open, the stage is lit up by a bright flash on stage! The entrance is nearly blocked out of sight completely with a huge cloud of smoke, and a silhouette begins emerging. A massive shadowy frame then walks forward, and emerging from the smoke, pounding his chest, with his Olympic gold medal around his neck, he screams “TIME TO FIGHT!” He is.. ‘The Silverback’ Cory Chevelle!

~”Out here, we play for keeps
Ain’t one of us is innocent
We all got blood on our hands
It’s time for reckoning
No one will come to your defense
Chevy will cut you down where you stand..”~

Cruz Bleckley: From Northeast, Missouri, weighing two hundred and ninety pounds! Here is…standing 6′ 4”………”THE SILVERBACK”, Cory Chevelle!

~”WHEN YOU FALL DOWN ON YOUR KNEES
BEG FOR MERCY, MR. PLEASE!
THE TIME HAS COME TO MAKE THINGS RIGHT!
THERE AIN’T NO JUDGE FOR PLEADIN’ TO
HE DONE CONVICTED YOU!
THE DEVIL GETS YOUR SOUL TONIGHT!”~

Chevelle stands still at the top of the stage for a moment, his cold blue eyes staring straight into his opponent’s eyes. Chevelle has the face of a stone-cold-killer right now. Many fans eyes are all drawn to the Olympic gold medal he has hanging around his neck. He hops in place, landing on one foot then the other, then comes lunging forward, flexing and putting his physique on display for the world watching! Haley Chevelle, Cory’s daughter and advocate walk out behind him as Cory begins walking down to the ring, not taking his eyes off of his opponent. Chevelle stops at the ring, hopping up to the apron on the outside, and entering. Chevelle stretches and warms up while staring across the ring at his opponent, his eyes soulless as ever.

Cory stands in the ring across from Carmen, while Carmen paces back and forth across the ring. Neither competitor would take their eyes off the other, the tension thick enough you could cut it with a bent spoon.

Varlet: What an atmosphere for this semi-final match, and this is only the first of TWO semi-final matches this evening!

Chadwick: It’s the match many talked about, but none ever could present to you – but here we are, the DARC Pro Sports brand, doing just that!

Varlet: Ladies and gentlemen, it’s live, and never-before-seen. Sit back and enjoy the ride as we present to you; the first-ever encounter of the [alleged] “#1 Seed” Carmen Cambridge, versus the “Silverback Helbilly”, Cory Chevelle!!

Chadwick: Folks, this here is “The Definition”, of a DARC Pro Exclusive!

– Ding. Ding. –

The crowd is already going electric for these two larger-than-life competitors, Carmen glares across at Cory, dusting her shoulder off as she mouths “I’m gucci up in here!”. Cory meanwhile pounds his muscled chest before letting out simply a primal roar. The two close on each other with Carmen quickly sliding behind, only to be met by an elbow to the face! The strike stuns her and loosens her grip, allowing Cory to spin around – but Carmen chops his chest! The Silverback roars at the chop, fighting through the sting as he drives a lightning-fast knee up – right into the [taped] ribs of Carmen!!

Varlet: Cory is a dedicated striker, and that knee lift was an example of that. It found it’s mark and then some!

Chadwick: He’s also calculated – it’s well-documented the injuries involving Carmen’s ribs, so by targeting those so early in the match will drastically reduce her chances of mounting a comeback.

Varlet: “Smart”. Wow. There’s a lot of adjectives to describe the Silverback, but who’d have thought I’d ever use that one?!

Carmen drops to the mat on impact, clutching at her ribs as Cory simply grins at his work. Carmen attempts to get some separation, but Cory moves in with the quickness and grabs her in a rear waistlock, hoisting her up with relative ease, throwing her over head with a release belly-to-back suplex! Carmen takes the impact hard on her shoulders, rolling out of the ring on landing!

Chadwick: That’s probably the smartest thing she could do. Take a breather, learn how to fight the Silverback.

Varlet: Right. You can’t do it head-on, regardless how stubborn Carmen is.

Chadwick: You could say she needs to apply pressure directly to the forehead though.

Varlet: Get out. Now.

Cory stands tall in the ring as referee Logan Caudell begins his count.

1!

2!

Carmen looks up at the ring, shouting out “Dang can’t a girl rest for a sec?” interspersed with choppy breathing while holding her ribs. Logan ignores her pleas however.

3!

4!

5!

Carmen slowly pulls herself up onto the ring apron, to which Cory pounces into action, sending her sailing from the apron with a shoulderblock – to her ribs, of course! Carmen goes falling unceremoniously back to the floor as Logan then tries to get Cory back from the ropes, before eventually resuming his count.

6!

Varlet: Ouch, that was a nasty fall!

7!

Carmen strains to barely sit up, resting her weight on her elbows. She stops to take another breath.

8!

Carmen wills herself to her feet, although still clutches her arms close to her ribs. She watches as Logan’s hands go up, signifying the;

9!

Without a second hesitation. She makes a dash for the ring, sliding in under the bottom rope!

Chadwick: That’s how much this Coastal Championship Competition, and being the inaugural DARC Pro Heavyweight Champion means to her – willing to risk whatever internal injuries to step back in the ring with the Silverback, just to move on tonight!

Varlet: Yeah but…what good will that do her to get insurmountable injuries when she’d still have to go through either Ruby Rose OR Delikado?!

As Carmen slides in, Cory lunges onto her, driving his knee into her kidney area, before flipping her over and hooking the leg! Logan drops down to count;

1!

2!

Carmen rolls over onto her chest!

Varlet: That fighting spirit though.

Chadwick: To your earlier point though, she’s gotta realize where the line is between continue to fight, and tactical withdraw.

Varlet: Carmen doesn’t quit though!

Cory sits up, looking over at Carmen. He pounds on her lower back with a closed, hammer-like fist once, grabbing her around the waist to pull her up – but on the way Carmen picks the ankle and sends Cory to the mat face first as she floats over to his back in a camel clutch position!

Varlet: Even in pain she still manages to chain with a former Olympian!

Chadwick: That’s impressive no matter who you are.

Carmen starts to pull up on the Clutch, but Cory fights to prevent it from being locked on! Carmen pulls up again, but having little success, she switches gears and punches the back of his head! She punches a second time, finally finishing the sequence with a STIFF kick to the side of his face, admittedly Cory’s face glazing over after. Satisfied, she goes back to the Clutch position, and pulls up on the hold as Logan checks Cory’s consciousness levels.

Varlet: Tenacious. That’s one word to describe Carmen after all this!

Chadwick: Strikes did little good early on, and his cardio work made it hard to out-maneuver him. But it turns out a few stiff shots to the head is enough to take anyone down. Who knew?

Carmen relentlessly pulls up on the Clutch, Cory letting out a roar of frustration mixed with pain. Logan asks him if he wants to quit, but he shakes his head no! Carmen pulls up again, this time leaning back into the Clutch for torque, to which Cory’s roar sounds a bit more pain-influenced – but alas, he still shakes his head no when asked! Carmen leans forward, then pulls back even further than before, her grip around his neck so tight it was turning her knuckles from caramel to white! This time Cory makes no sounds and Logan moves in with concern, grabbing Cory’s arm and raising it once – it falls haplessly to the mat!

Varlet: Did she actually get the Silverback to pass out?!

Logan raises Cory’s arm a second time – it falls haplessly to the mat!

Chadwick: Injured ribs and all, she’s gonna make it to the final…

Logan raises Cory’s arm a third time – but Cory springs to life, reaching back to grab Carmen’s red and [allegedly] fake hair, pulling on it causing her to yelp in pain too!

Chadwick: That’s the problem with having long hair…yet it’s pretty but it’s a weapon…

Carmen releases the hold and falls back, exhausted after draining the Silverback in the Camel Clutch! Cory pushes himself up to his knees, but then collapses onto his chest with a thud, largely just happy to have the air slowly returning to his lungs. With both competitors down though, Logan starts to administer his count;

1!

2!

3!

Carmen sits up, her left arm back to guarding her ribs.

4!

Cory turns over onto his back, lifting his head to see Carmen sitting.

5!

Cory pulls himself across the ring, propping himself up on the bottom rope, gasping for air as he waits for his breath to return.

6!

Carmen pushes herself up to her feet, and Cory does the same.

Varlet: You can tell how much they want this –

Chadwick: Right but you can tell neither of them should have gotten up yet. Utilize that count to the fullest!

Varlet: Pride is a helluva mentality Michael.

As the two approach, it’s Carmen whom throws the first punch, which lands flush on Cory’s jaw. The Silverback staggers, but returns with a heavy gut punch of his own, followed by another knee lift, that sends Carmen slumped over! Cory grabs her and lifts her up in a gutwrench – but Carmen slips out the back door, firing back with a side kick to the kidneys! Cory lets out a yelp as Carmen dashes for the ropes, rebounding off, and barreling back to Cory with a shotgun dropkick to the spine! The Silverback staggers but, amazingly, stays on his feet – that is until Carmen kips up, stepping up to Cory to ring his bell with a step-up enziguri! The kick sends the Silverback spiraling down to the mat, face-first! Carmen, fatigue just oozing off of her in buckets, drops down to cover Cory out of habit – but Logan informs her he needs to be on his back! With a grunt and and more exertion, Carmen pushes him over with her back, laying back across him as Logan, finally, drops into position to count;

Chadwick: She’s got him!

1!

2!

CORY TAKES CARMEN INTO A WEDGE PIN OF HIS OWN!!

Varlet: Where’d that come from!?

1!

2!

Carmen kicks out, leaving the two of them lying face down next to each other!

Varlet: Carmen almost got caught by Cory’s pin!

Chadwick: But now look at them! Neither is willing to give an inch!

Cory is the first to get up, albeit he is battered, and it shows. Groggily he grabs Carmen and pulls her up to his shoulders, signaling for the C-2 (Lesnar’s F5) – BUT CARMEN SLIPS OUT THE FRONT, ROLLING CORY IN A SMALL PACKAGE AS SHE HITS THE MAT!! Logan counts the fall;

1!

Varlet: She’s got some life in her!

2!

3!

kick out!

Cruz Bleckley: Ladies and gentlemen your winner as a result of a pinfall, and advancing to the finals of the Coastal Championship Competition – The “#1 SEED”!! CAARRMMMEEEENNNN!! CAAMMBRRRIIIDDGGGEEEE!!

Katy Pery’s “Darkhorse” begins to play as Carmen and Cory both lay on the mat, exhausted after having been through a war both of the mind and the body.

Varlet: Carmen Cambridge moves one step closer to her ultimate dream, and will challenge the winner of Ruby Rose and Delikado TONIGHT!

Chadwick: But you gotta wonder if she can even make it to that match. Look at her, just exhausted, worn down, and beaten, all for a chance to win the Title – no, for the chance to be the inaugural Champion!

Varlet: Let’s not take anything away from Cory either. He stepped up and battled toe-to-toe with one of THE most hyped performers on the circuit today, and he fought her like any other. Cory Chevelle showed what he was capable of here tonight, and if I had to make a wager, if he wasn’t so tired at the end then he’d be the one moving on later tonight to fight Ruby or Delikado.

Chadwick: Yeah…he’s just a relentless machine. Definitely not someone I want to be on the bad side of!

Varlet: Heh. Folks, we gotta take a quick break, then we’ll have more DARC Pro action i just a few!

Backstage, Victor Laredo is walking with what appears to be a group of Cardinals from the Roman Catholic Church. Presently, they are in the midst of a discussion.

Cardinal Sforza: We are telling you, Mr. Laredo-a. It came-a your company, about a MIRACLE!

Victor Laredo: And you’re sure you don’t know who sent it?

Cardinal Sforza: No, no, we were just-a been hopping on de mushrooms of God, in prayer, when de call came-a through Holy Warp Pipe. We come-a as quick-a as we can, and if it be so, your company DARC will become-a phenomenon, especially if His Holiness blesses it!

Victor Laredo: Well…I guess I can’t complain TOO much, but it just seems strange. Anywho, I think you’ll find DARC Pro Sports is a quality place, and though I imagine the Church doesn’t traditionally follow, or actually BLESS companies, we’re still a worthy place of people’s enjoyment. Clean, and—

Suddenly one of the Cardinals is tackled by a dark, homeless looking creature. It immediately hoists him in the air and starts to waddle off. It looks like…….Delikado?

Cardinal Orsini: MAMA MIA, I AM-A CAPTURED! HELP ME! LET’S NOT-A-GO!!!

Victory Laredo: WHAT THE CRAP?!

The Delikado-ish figure seems ready to drag this poor Cardinal off to somewhere dark, perhaps circular in shape and deep in its depth, when suddenly, a figure rides up on a white stallion, bashes the Delikado-ish creature with a staff, and rescues the Cardinal. We quickly see the rescuer is Delikado dressed as a pope.

Pope Delikado XXX: BACK! BACK INTO THE SHADOWS! TO THE DARKEST DEPTHS OF CLEVELAND WITH ALL THE OTHER SOULLESS ENTITIES!!

The dark Delikado squeals in pain, having dropped the Cardinal, and hurries off. The other Cardinals grab their buddy and gaze upon the popish Cuban with the oversized tiara on his head with a sense of awe and wonder. Laredo, well, looks like a Taiwanese chicken just hopped out of his butt and did the Charleston on his dead mama’s corpse. Pope Delikado looks at the Cardinals.

Pope Delikado XXX: Cardinals. Behold your Wrestling Pope, Champion of the LYTE and the DARC, and occupier of the Holy Wrestling Throne…as well as a coupon to Arbies that he does NOT plan to use.

Cardinal Sforza: Incredible-a! It is like-a he does not want-a de super diarrheas!

Cardinal Colonna: Adios mio, but who is he?!

Pope Delikado XXX: Pope Delikado XXX, successor to Saint Peter….Gabriel.

Cue music playing inexplicably in the background. As Delikado gestures grandly.

Pope Delikado XXX: Super judgy of all things judgement-related, and then some. Next to the big WG himself. Or herself, as we’re obligated to say for….”gender equality.” That’s Wrestling God.

Cardinals: *unified gasp*

Cardinal Sforza: B-But why have you appeared? You-a be the one who-a call us, Holy Father?

Cardinal Orsini: Wait-a, wait-a, we do not know this-a man-a really be Holy Father, just-a because-a he rescue me-a from-a da monster! If you-a really be-a Pope-a, you-a read-a mah mind…

Pope Delikado XXX: You are religious, and yet you’re angry at things that have nothing to do with religion.

Cardinal Orsini: *gasp* He-a right-a! I am-a angry at things! That-a guy at the strip club ate the last-a cumquat!

All of the Cardinals immediately drop to their knees in apparent homage to Delikado.

Cardinals: AHHHHHHMEEEEEEEEEEN! AHHHHHHHMEEEEEEEEEEN! AHHHHHHHHMEEEEEEEEEEEEN!

Delikado nods and smiles and gives a really messed up sign of the cross to bless them, making it clear he actually has no idea what he’s doing. He might’ve actually drawn an air penis.

Pope Delikado XXX: Rise, rise, brother Cardinals, but only look upon your Wrestling Pope if you are willing to bring THE COLLECTIVE into your heart. To live by the creed issued forth from “The Bad Boy” KORO, “The Sheriff” Fat White Guy Dustin Douglas, and “The Cuban Warrior Pope” Pope Delikado XXX.

Cardinal Sforza: We swear-a, we swear-a, THE COLLECTIVE is in our hearts. B-But we were told-a bout-a miracle-a.

Pope Delikado XXX: Ah, there is a miracle! For in his sexy dreams, Delikado saw a light. A golden light in the DARCness. And then he came upon…..a paper.

Cardinal Colonna: A paper?

Pope Delikado XXX: Yes. A napkin, in particular. In a wall Delikado knocked over in a psychotic drug and alcohol and pharmaceutical medication induced rage.

Cardinal Orsini: Just-a like-a the Virgin! It ruined all her partying days…waaaaaaaahhhhhh!

Pope Delikado XXX: Indeed. And what this paper is, is a pathway to…”the answer.” It’s like a roadmap. And the next thing we need to read its full content is an amulet. Specifically the DARC Pro Sport Heavyweight Championship.

Victor Laredo: ….Really? Are we really gonna—

Cardinal Sforza: Shut-a you stupid face-a!

Pope Delikado XXX: Thank you for that, brothers. But yes, it is the gold that the Wrestling Gods have led us to THIS VERY NIGHT! Once it is in our possession, we will be able to take the next step on the roadmap and find the source of this light, “the answer.” But in order to do that, THE COLLECTIVE needs the funding. Think of it as a new Crusade against infidels, NOT-Delikados as they are going by now in their virulent books and yoga poses.

Cardinal Sforza: Can-a we see this-a paper? Perhaps to make-a copy to bring back-a the Holy Father Pope Francis in Rome?

Pope Delikado XXX: N-N-No. Because………because see, uh, Delikado’s the only one who can read it and, like, if anyone else even looks at the paper it’ll unleash a BAZILLION years of eternal evil and darkness and stuff, yeah. It’s awesome! ….Err, we mean it’s bad! So bad. Plus it might’ve gotten some Gucci on it.

Cardinal Colonna: I-a do not know what-a de “Gucci” is, but I suddenly want-a none of it in my business-a.

Cardinal Sforza: Yes-a, we shall-a trust you with-a the paper, Pope Delikado XXX. May the Lord bless-a you in your self-sacrifice.

Pope Delikado XXX: Sweeeeeeeet. Now go, go back to Rome and get that wannabe Pope—uhh, that is, Pope Franky to sign off on giving Delikado moneys and tools, and…y’know what, Delikado’ll send you a text with his list. Wait, do you guys text? Fax? Carrier pigeon? A folded up paper up a small boy butthole?

Cardinal Orsini: That one! Do that one!

The Cardinals all bow to Pope Delikado on his stallion.

Cardinals: We go, for THE COLLECTIVE, and Pope Delikado XXX!

Pope Delikado XXX: Good, now go away. Delikado wants to rub one out before he gets in the ring, sees his opponent’s face, and is suddenly too revolted to do so. Heh…as if that’s stopped Delikado before.

Cardinals: WA-HOO!

They bow one more time, and yet again Delikado gives his version of the sign of the cross—this time the air penis has wings and is spitting on part of Australia. When the Cardinals are gone, Delikado pulls his tiara off and rides past Laredo.

Victor Laredo: Probably pointless to tell you, but you’re going to Hell.

Delikado: Horse, would you respond to Lardo’s statement with one of our own?

The horse proceeds to defecate on the floor as it walks off.

Delikado: That’ll do horse. That’ll do. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

The Cuban’s laugh rings out as Laredo stands there in disgust at all the dookie that has landed at his feet. Meanwhile we catch up with Delikado one last time as he unfolds the paper he found in the pilot and looks at it. We still don’t see what he sees on the napkin, but his face is very telling.

Delikado: *evil chuckle* Soon the treasure will be Delikado’s! HAHAHAHAHA! AHAHAHAHAHA! A–*coughing fit* …..Ugh. Hope Delikado’s not coming down with something…And just where the hell are Delikado’s freaking SMOKES?! Can’t be breathing all this clean air up in here!

Our zany protagonist rides off and turns the corner as we cut to commercial.

Delikado vs Ruby Rose w/ Fizz

Cruz Bleckley: The following contest is scheduled for one-fall, and is a semi-final match of the Coastal Championship Competition to determine who moves on for the opportunity at being the 1st EVER DARC Pro Sports Heavyweight Champion! Introducing first…

The lights go out, and then…

”Del-I-Kado! Del-I-Kado! Del-I-Kado! Ten years. A decade. 315,360,000 seconds according to Google. It’s ALL been LEADING to THIS! Delikado…IS…HEEEEEEERE!!!”

The epically deep-throated narration fades. Silence lingers over the arena as the audience holds its breath. Suddenly, AN EXPLOSION–BANG!–goes over the speakers, echoing alongside the epic headbang-worthy music. The camera focuses on the entrance tunnel as its curtain shifts and a figure rides out on a solid black steed. Dressed in what looks like a robe designed to look like the flag of Cuba, with accompanying coat of arms, the man steadies his stallion on the stage and sits with a confident grin across his features.

Cruz Bleckley: Making his way to the ring. From Pinar del Río, Cuba, standing 5’ 7” tall and weighing in at 169 pounds…he is…DELIKADO!!!

Chomping onto a cigar between his teeth, Delikado clicks his heels and begins to ride his horse down the aisle as the crowd goes absolutely insane in cheers and chants of “DEL-I-KADO!” alongside the music. The Cuban reaches the end of the aisle and stops before the ring as cameras flash and people continue to gaze in awe. Delikado snaps his fingers, prompting a stagehand to rush over to take the horse’s reins, and the Cuban dismounts expertly, smoking his cigar and keeping his hat on all the while. He slowly walks to the nearest steps, pointing to the camera, and then fakes a kick at it before marching up the stairs step by step. He stands on the top step, facing the center of the ring—HIS RING—and then raises a fist into the air, bringing all the lights in the arena back to their original wholesomeness as the “DEL-I-KADO!” chant soars to new heights. The Cuban Warrior climbs into the ring between the ropes and turns dramatically, puffing smoke and raising a cocky eyebrow as he pauses…and then dramatically rips off his robe revealing a shiny suit of what the Cuban Warrior calls “wrestling armor” to a cheer particularly from the females in the crowd. Finally, and with the most flamboyant flair yet, Delikado dons the patented “Delikado Robo-Fighting Mask of ACES!” with the mere push of a button on his wrist. The audience cheers one more time as Delikado finishes his cigar, stretches seductively, and then leans against the ropes letting out a slightly wheezed laugh of confidence as he readies himself for combat. LIKE A BAWSE!

Cruz Bleckley: And his opponent;

i]”Mz Hyde” by Halestorm begins to play as the arena goes dark and a red custom light turns on. Ruby Rose comes from the back, being shadowed closely by the “Million Dollar Midget”, Fizz. She comes to the stage where it meets the ramp and throws her head back as she holds her arms up high almost like she’s doing a ‘Y’. Fizz looks up at Ruby with a big grin, mouthing “Yeah I’m all-in!”. Ruby snaps her head down and starts down the ramp.[/i]

Cruz Bleckley: From Miami, Florida, standing 5′ 7 and being accompanied by the “Million Dollar Midget” Fizz…she is “The Red Rose”; RUBY! ROSE!

Ruby rolls under the ropes and jumps to her feet, this time throwing an ‘X’ over her head via her arms before heading to her corner. The music dies off as Fizz takes up position in her corner.

– Ding. Ding. –

Varlet: We’re set for the second semi-final of the Coastal Championship Competition, as the man many claim to be the odds-on-favourite in Delikado, takes on the woman who created quite the stir on the Pilot episode with the way she “beat” Paxton Caine, Ruby Rose.

Chadwick: What? Last week she pulled out that wicked “Kiss From a Rose” split-legged corkscrew moonsault and a three count.

Varlet: Did SHE beat Caine, or did Fizz beat him then hand the leftovers to Ruby?

Chadwick: I think we’re saying the same thing, Dennis.

Varlet: …I don’t think so Michael. At any rate, Delikado needs to keep his eyes on a swivel to prevent a similar fate from happening to him.

The two approach the centre, although Delikado was clearly the more eager one as he initiates the tie-up. Ruby backs away from it quickly however, leaving Deli over extended – and it’s here that Ruby strikes his exposed hand with a short-arm backhand! Deli recoils a bit, shaking his throbbing hand and mocking Ruby as if she actually hurt him. Of course Ruby takes offense to this, her temper flaring up and she initiates the collar-and-elbow lockup. Deli easily takes control, taking her into a side headlock where he wrenches on it for a moment before taking her to the mat face-first with a headlock takedown. In the one fluid motion Deli lands in such a way so as to be on top of her. He spins around over her back for two full revolutions, ending with just a slap to the head, and towering over her! Ruby quickly scoots back away from Deli, rubbing the back of her head more out of insult than injury.

Chadwick: Delikado just looking to embarrass her. Probably after she rejected all of his advances on social media!

Varlet: Well can you blame her? This guy is nuts!

Chadwick: Yeah but he’s the good kind of nuts. The unpredictable crazy kind that lives in the “anything can happen” lifestyle.

Deli stands at the ready as Ruby backs up closer to the ropes, signaling Fizz to jump up on the apron and whisper something in her ear. Deli motions for Logan to tell the little guy to leave, but Logan ensures Fizz is “OK” so long as he’s not getting physically involved. Fizz is whispering a little more as Ruby nods, as if understanding something.

Varlet: What do you think he told her?

Chadwick: Maybe he wanted the directions to a porn store for after the show…

Varlet: …

Ruby gets back to her feet, slowly approaching Deli, whom does the same. Deli goes to grab her again, but again she quickly takes a step back, not wanting to play Deli’s game. The two go back to slowly circling the other, with Ruby not taking her eyes off Deli, until Deli stops. “Oh, ookaaaayyyyyyy. Big Red here you go.” Deli lowers his head, offering Ruby a free headlock. She stands back, pondering it’s implications. But a free move is free, right? Ruby, admittedly reluctantly, takes the headlock, wrenching it for a moment before Deli springs to action, pushing Ruby forward into the ropes. As Ruby rebounds, Deli – lightning fast – primes his gold-plated robo leg and stomps twice. He lifts his foot and gets within inches of Ruby’s face with a “Last Call to Cuba” (Superkick), but Ruby stumbles back and away from that…contraption. Deli starts to mock her inexperience, but is interrupted at the sounds of Fizz’ voice “Hey. You. Over here!” Just then Deli turns and heads over, looking to play a game of “punt the midget” – but as he does, Ruby sneaks up from behind and takes him back with an O’Connor Roll! Logan quickly drops down to count;

1!

2!

Deli kicks out!!

Varlet: Delikado is all about those cheap parlour tricks, but this time DARC’s OG Power Couple played the self-proclaimed player.

Ruby slides out of the ring to high-five with Fizz on the outside, much to Deli’s chagrin. With Ruby on the outside, Logan begins to count her out.

1!

Chadwick: Take it easy Ruby, you only got a near-fall on Delikado. Not like you just won the DARC Pro Heavyweight Title…

Ruby and Fizz go into a huddle. Deli stomps his foot anxiously awaiting his red-headed prey to get back in the ring, but the couple break, each going separate ways around the ring, circling like a couple of vultures, as Logan continues the count.

2!

3!

Ruby climbs up on one side, with Fizz climbing up on the other. Fizz starts to enter, to which Deli turns and lifts his foot for the “Last Call to Cuba”, but Fizz jumps back! Ruby enters the ring from the other, creeping up behind Deli though. She gingerly lifts her foot, priming her own “Last Call to Cuba” – but Deli spins around and unloads his first – but Ruby quickly jumps back, not wanting a single bit of all that nonsense!!

Varlet: Ruby tried to surprise Delikado with his own trademark move even, but he was far too cunning for that! Now look at her running away!

Chadwick: That’s been the whole gameplan though. Don’t let Delikado get close to you, because his in-ring experience is far greater than yours. She’s smart.

Ruby rolls back to the apron as Deli mocks her retreat. This of course enrages Fizz, whom begins re-entering the ring – but Logan is wise to it and goes to prevent his entrance from happening. Ruby uses the chance to sneak back in the ring, blasting Deli with a spinning heel kick – BUT DELI DUCKS! Ruby ends up way over-extended as she tries to rebalance, but Deli is much faster as he scoops her up and drops her with the “SON OF A B*TCH” (Fireman’s Carry to Slam)! Deli drops down to cover, but alas, there is no Logan as he is still trying to keep Fizz from entering the ring! Deli slaps the mat three times to insinuate a three count, but to no avail.

Varlet: Oh Delikado…

Chadwick: That was the fastest three count I’ve ever witnessed. So glad he isn’t wearing a referee shirt.

Deli gets back up, no sweat, just to drop a leg across Ruby’s throat (the robo-leg, of course!) Deli grins and gets back up, this time getting some speed going and coming back to drop the robo-leg across the chest! Still not satisfied, Deli gets back up one more time, this time hitting the ropes, jumping over Ruby to the other ropes, and finally dropping down on her legs, again with his robo-leg, completing his…”DiSextion” (Leg Drop to Throat, Chest, & Leg) of Ruby! He transitions to a cover, hooking both legs, and calls to Logan to come over and count after finally having dealt with Fizz.

1!

2!

But Ruby barely rolls over onto her chest!

Varlet: Fizz is certainly paying dividends here tonight for Ruby!

Chadwick: And it’s clearly frustrating Delikado, at least to some degree. He’s got loads more experience than Ruby, yet he still hasn’t been able to put her away?!

Deli sits up, a bit annoyed that this Ruby/Fizz duo is working better than most had given them credit for. Suddenly, he starts grinning as an idea ran through his head, standing up. He turns with his back to Ruby, staring down Fizz on the outside. He raises his robo-leg up, aiming it at Ruby’s head. Fizz climbs up on the apron, shouting all manner of foul-mouthed and pint-sized profanities at the Cuban Warrior. Deli responds with a shout of his own;

“You want to save her? Then leave!”

Fizz starts to back away, for Ruby’s sake…when Deli blasts Ruby’s near shoulder with his foot! Fizz turns in shock the Cuban did what he did anyway.

Varlet: I guess that was a sort of Last Call to Cuba?

Deli turns his attention back to Fizz, shouting “Now it’s time to go on a midget hunt!” as Deli slides out of the ring, in pursuit of Fizz! Meanwhile, Logan begins the count;

1!

2!

3!

Fizz takes off around the first corner of the ring, Deli in hot pursuit!

4!

5!

Ruby sits up, albeit while holding her shoulder from the impact.

6!

Deli’s longer legs begin to gain ground on Fizz, as Fizz gets around the second corner.

7!

Ruby turns around, attempting to figure out what’s going on…as she sees Fizz’ efforts, she lets out a low giggle.

Varlet: Logan is already at seven! I can’t believe Delikado is letting Fizz get him off-focus of the match!

Chadwick: I can. I mean, “anything is possible with Delikado”, right?

8!

As the count reaches eight, Deli turns back to the ring and makes a lunge for it – but Fizz quickly dives, locking his arms around Deli’s leg to prevent the jump!

9!

Deli shakes Fizz free and slides back in the ring, just in the nick of time! Ruby sits up on her knees, letting out an audible sigh as she realizes her plan just didn’t quite work. As she starts to get up, Deli lunges forward, planting the “Last Call to Cuba” (Superkick) smack dab in the centre of Ruby’s face! She falls backwards, arms sprawled out at her sides, as Deli slides in to make the pin as Logan counts!

1!

2!

3 –

– but Fizz dives off the top rope, crashing down onto Deli with the “Fizzness Time” (Tadpole Splash)!! Fizz successfully breaks up the pin, however…

Dual Mix Pacific Rim Main Theme begins to play as Cruz Bleckley makes the announcement.

Cruz Bleckley: Ladies and gentlemen your winner as a result of a disqualification, and advancing to the finals of the Coastal Championship Competition…DELIIIIKKKAAADDDOOOOOO!!

Varlet: It’s understandable Fizz let his emotions get the better of him, but he just cost his girl the CCC! Moreover, I find it a bit ironic that Delikado has now advanced to the finale without making a single pinfall or submission…hey WAITAMINUTE!!

Fizz starts putting the boots to Delikado before going to help Ruby up. He directs Ruby to go out of the ring, which she stumbles around, still a bit woozy after the Last Call, before looking under the ring. Fizz rolls Deli over and mounts him, before smacking is face with a series of open-handed slaps!

Varlet: Fizz has absolutely lost it here!

By this point Ruby comes back from under the ring, holding up high in the air, the shiny gleam of – A RAZOR BLADE! She rolls back inside the ring with the blade as Fizz rolls off of Deli. Ruby stands over Deli, her expression changing to one of anger, now realizing she’s no longer advancing in the Coastal Championship Competition She raises the blade above Deli and —

Chadwick: Don’t do it! This girl is CRAZY!

She takes the blade, slicing it alongside the right-side of Deli’s hair, then holding the chunk up in her hand, a mischievous grin overtaking her face!

Varlet: Oh my God…what…what did she just do?!

Chadwick: She took Delikado’s hair. Or at least the right-side of it!

Deli reaches up, feeling the side of his head. At the texture of skin to skull, his expression changes to one of surprise, then depression, then, almost anger – Ruby Rose just took something deeply treasured of Delikado’s, from Delikado!! He glares across the ring, lunging after Ruby – but Ruby and Fizz quickly high-tail it out of the ring, still in possession of Deli’s lost hair! Haelstorm’s “Mz Hyde” serenades the Kezar Pavilion much to Deli’s chagrin.

Varlet: Now how on Earth will Delikado focus on the finale and becoming the Champion, knowing Ruby’s custom hair cut is fresh on his mind? And Carmen isn’t the type of competitor you can get into the ring with and not be focused on…

Chadwick: Nevertheless Dennis, our finale is set – in another first time ever match-up – a DARC Pro Exclusive – it’ll be Delikado, taking on the Dark Horse, Carmen Cambridge – AND IT WILL BE FOR THE DARC PRO SPORTS HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP!!!

Varlet: How worn down is Delikado though? And how will he handle a battered Carmen Cambridge?! Will Delikado continue the trend and somehow win the Title while getting Carmen disqualified somehow?!

Chadwick: There’s no way to know. That would involve crawling inside Delikado’s head and…yeah, let’s NOT go there. Nobody would be safe in there. Folks, we’ll be right back after these quick words from our sponsours.

**DARC Pro Sports Heavyweight Championship**
Main Event
”#1 Seed” Carmen Cambridge vs Delikado

‘Darkhorse’ begins playing as Carmen Cambridge makes her way to the top of the entranceway, decked out in all of her accessories.

Cruz Bleckley: From Vallejo, California, standing 5′ 5”, she is the Dark Horse your mother warned you about…CAAARRRRMMEEEENNNN!! CAAAMMMBBBRRRIIIIIDDDGGGEEE!!!!!

She walks to the ring, talking trash the entire time. Once she makes it to the ring, she confidently struts up the ring stairs and steps into the ring. She walks to the middle and points to herself, singing her own praises.

Cruz Bleckley: And her opponent…

The lights go out, and then…

”Del-I-Kado! Del-I-Kado! Del-I-Kado! Ten years. A decade. 315,360,000 seconds according to Google. It’s ALL been LEADING to THIS! Delikado…IS…HEEEEEEERE!!!”

The epically deep-throated narration fades. Silence lingers over the arena as the audience holds its breath. Suddenly, AN EXPLOSION–BANG!–goes over the speakers, echoing alongside the epic headbang-worthy music. The camera focuses on the entrance tunnel as its curtain shifts and a figure rides out on a solid black steed. Dressed in what looks like a robe designed to look like the flag of Cuba, with accompanying coat of arms, the man steadies his stallion on the stage and sits with a confident grin across his features.

Cruz Bleckley: Making his way to the ring. From Pinar del Río, Cuba, standing 5’ 7” tall and weighing in at 169 pounds…he is…DELIKADO!!!

Chomping onto a cigar between his teeth, Delikado clicks his heels and begins to ride his horse down the aisle as the crowd goes absolutely insane in cheers and chants of “DEL-I-KADO!” alongside the music. The Cuban reaches the end of the aisle and stops before the ring as cameras flash and people continue to gaze in awe. Delikado snaps his fingers, prompting a stagehand to rush over to take the horse’s reins, and the Cuban dismounts expertly, smoking his cigar and keeping his hat on all the while. He slowly walks to the nearest steps, pointing to the camera, and then fakes a kick at it before marching up the stairs step by step. He stands on the top step, facing the center of the ring—HIS RING—and then raises a fist into the air, bringing all the lights in the arena back to their original wholesomeness as the “DEL-I-KADO!” chant soars to new heights. The Cuban Warrior climbs into the ring between the ropes and turns dramatically, puffing smoke and raising a cocky eyebrow as he pauses…and then dramatically rips off his robe revealing a shiny suit of what the Cuban Warrior calls “wrestling armor” to a cheer particularly from the females in the crowd. Finally, and with the most flamboyant flair yet, Delikado dons the patented “Delikado Robo-Fighting Mask of ACES!” with the mere push of a button on his wrist. The audience cheers one more time as Delikado finishes his cigar, stretches seductively, and then leans against the ropes letting out a slightly wheezed laugh of confidence as he readies himself for combat. LIKE A BAWSE!

– Ding. Ding. –

Varlet: Can you believe? The moment we’ve built to over the past month is finally here. By the end of the night, we WILL be represented by our first Heavyweight Champion!

Chadwick: But will it be Carmen, or will it be Delikado? More importantly, does he have a plan to get Carmen disqualified?!

Varlet: Delikado’s antics range from the simple to the overly complex, if he had a plan I wouldn’t be surprised. But surely even he wouldn’t win a Title off of a DQ…

Chadwick: You under-estimate Delikado’s thirst for gold.

Carmen steps up, her ribs quite obviously heavily taped – a fact which Deli points out, laughing at. Carmen shoots him a disgusted look, but then catches the side of his head, busting up laughing at the giant bald spot, courtesy of Ruby Rose earlier. Deli, in a bit of his own vanity, quickly tries to cover the manufactured bald spot up, mouthing a simple “no u” back at Carmen. He shoots in on Carmen with one hand, but Carmen is quick to knock that hand, driving her knee up into his ribs, and starting the match with a headlock of her own.

Chadwick: You gotta appreciate the irony of Carmen attacking someone else’s ribs.

Carmen wrenches the headlock as Deli tries to slide out – but Carmen runs her fingers across the exposed scalp, digging a nail in, which causes Deli to briefly recoil, and Carmen to reform her grip on the hold. She then pulls up on the headlock, before dropping down with a face first Deli, kind of like a standing bulldog. She flips him over and hooks the leg, Logan starts to count, but Deli kicks out before the one. Carmen gets up, hitting the ropes as Deli gets up right after. On the rebound Carme comes back, and Deli leaps into her with a crossbody block, sending both down to the mat – but Carmen lets out a howl in pain as Deli lands on top of her! Logan drops down to make the count;

1!

2!

Carm rolls the shoulder up!

Varlet: The crossbody is such a clichéd maneuver in the business, known for causing just as much damage to the initiator as the recipient. But here it holds a special purpose as it can inflict extra damage on some already damaged ribs. Delikado is a crafty sonavab*tch.

Chadwick: Smart planning by a master Cuban strategist. No on can deny Delikado is a ring general.

Deli sits up, his eyes lighting up like a fat kid in a candy store at the sight of Carmen’s ribs this early in the match. Deli grabs her, turning her over, and driving a knee into the ribs not once, not twice, but thrice, before flipping her over again and doing the same to the kidneys! At this point Carm is just trying to cover up while Deli hooks both legs, ordering Logan to count;

1!

2!

With a strained yelp, Carmen fights with her might to kick out of the cover! Deli floats over, sitting on Carmen’s chest, slapping her as he yells out “Face Shot!”

Varlet: Delikado with the blatant disrespect!

Chadwick: You think he’ll slap her for every time she says “gucci”?

Varlet: …that’s a lot of slaps.

Carmen pushes Deli off of her, huffing and wheezing between breaths as she tries to get back to her feet. Deli though grabs her by the feet, pulling her towards him – but she kicks, and knocks Deli back! Deli comes back and reaches down, grabbing her feet again, but this time she shoves her feet into Deli’s gut, winding him, and stopping his advance! Finally she pushes herself up, and steps up to Deli, rattling his bell with a fast right-hand! Deli staggers back from the shot, Carmen grabs his arm and whips him to the ropes – but Deli reverses the momentum and sends her into them – but Carmen flips between the top and middle ropes, exploding out of them with a STIFF lariat to Deli’s neck, the impact turning him inside out! Carmen drops to a knee after the impact to catch her breath, before quickly hooking the far leg as Logan counts;

1!

2!

Deli kicks out!

Carmen sits up, pleading with Logan on the count, but he insists it was a two. Unbeknownst to Carmen though, Deli gets up, and grabs her by the hair, whipping her into the corner. Carmen hits the turnbuckle hard and spine first, to which Deli comes in fast – but Carmen gets the knees up, burying them right into Deli’s chin as he staggers back! Carmen comes out of the corner, and whips Deli into the corner with a short whip, pulling herself in with a clothesline barrage! A second strike! And thrice more, leaving Deli to come staggering out of the corner, looking absolutely worn out by the clothesline series! Carmen pulls Deli in close, hitting him with a right knee strike, and a left, before jumping up to bring both knees into his face, faceplanting him on the mat! Carmen sits up, crawling over to make the cover once more;

1!

2!

…Deli kicks out!

Varlet: Incredible! Delikado’s vast experience has got to be frustrating Carmen!

Chadwick: Probably. But she’s been in these types of high profile matches before.

Deli rolls over, trying to crawl away from Carmen and create some separation, but Carmen is quick to spot it, grabbing his foot and pulling him back. Deli tries pulling away, but Carmen pulls him back, and up to his feet – to which he swings his robo-leg around, Dragon Whipping Carmen with the gold-plated foot!! Carmen’s eyes glaze over as she slumps to the mat, Deli dropping down over Carmen with a lateral press! Logan drops into perfect position to make the count;

1!

2!

NO! Logan points at Carmen’s leg, drapped haphazardly over the bottom rope!

Varlet: What ring awareness by Carmen!

Chadwick: How frustrating for Delikado though!

Deli sits up, frustration beginning to pour of his face after such a close encounter, but attempting to remain unrattled, he grabs Carmen by an arm and leg, dragging her to the middle of the ring. He drops back down, hooking both legs, Logan drops back into position to count;

1!

2!

3 –

Carmen musters up the strength to kick out!

Varlet: That robo-leg shot clearly rung her bell, so you can tell that kick out came on pure instinct!

Deli sits up, this time he throws up three fingers to Logan, but Logan insists it was “just a two”! Deli looks back at Carmen, who is only barely stirring. He grabs her by the hair and pulls her up, setting her in a front facelock for the “Deli-Kado” (Double Arm DDT), he swings his leg out for momentum, before plan – Carmen slips out and goes behind Deli, wrapping her hands around his waist, having him up into a German suplex, keeping her hands locked and heaving Deli back up with all her energy, throwing him back with a second German suplex, this time keeping him bridged!!

Varlet: Twin Bridgeplexes!!

Chadwick: Carmen has done it!

Logan takes a moment to catch the pinfall, before dropping down to count;

1!

2!

Deli bridges up out of the pin, and moves around in front of her, dropping her with the “Deli-Kado” (Double Arm DDT)!! Carmen’s face bounces off the mat as Deli loses his balance, falling on top of Carmen! Logan drops down to make the count once again;

1!

2!

Carmen manages to roll over onto her stomach!!

Varlet: Unbelievable!!

Chadwick: What a rollercoaster ride of emotion! From the Bridgeplexes to the Deli-Kado, these two have thrown their best shots at each other with no give in them!!

Varlet: …I guess that’s better than being in a glass case of emotion?

Chadwick: Har har, good one!

Varlet: What do these two have to do to put the other away?!

Chadwick: I don’t even know if they can be put away!

Deli sits up, in utter disbelief that someone kicked out of his DDT! He turns back, to see Carmen lying there on her chest, almost like she was reaching out for something or someone. Deli smirks, pushing himself to his feet and turning to Carmen. He looks down and grins, mouthing to her “This is your last gucci” he says as he bends down and grabs her arm – but as he does she pulls him down by the arm, positioning herself and her leverage over him in the “Vallejo Victory Lock” (Armbar)! Deli curses under his breath as Carmen pulls on the arm in her attempts at pulling it out of the socket!

Varlet: She was playing possum!

Chadwick: How would she say it now? “GOT ‘EEM!”?

Varlet: …I don’t think so, Dennis. Least it don’t sound right coming from you.

Carmen pulls up on the arm, Deli can be heard grunting, screaming in agony as he reaches out to grab for the ropes, but they must be at least a thousand miles away! Deli reaches out, but to no avail! He raises his hand up, honestly considering the tap out, but he waves it off, he wants to fight! Carmen amps up the pressure, pulling tighter and harder, making Deli squeal and squirm more, until Carmen’s grip gets noticeably looser as her adrenaline is running down, Deli slips his arm out and takes her over with the “Choke-a-B*tch” (Koji Clutch)!! Carmen frantically tries to fight, having not felt a hold of this magnitude in her young career yet!

Chadwick: That Cuban held on and it paid off – now he’s in the driver’s seat!

Varlet: If she gives up here, it’d suck to lose a dream when so close to it. I couldn’t blame her, but it’d be the ultimate feel bads!

Carmen reaches out, still way too far away from the ropes while Deli pulls back, causing Carmen to scream in pain! Logan asks her if she wants to give up as a tear rolls down her cheek, but she shakes her head to emphatically reply “NOOOOOO!!!” Deli pulls back harder and Carmen’s screams get louder, she squirms around, finding herself on top of Deli as his hold is all torqued up! Logan, just now catching what Carmen has done, jumps down to catch Deli’s shoulders against the mat;

1!

2!

Deli releases the hold to free himself of the pin!!

Varlet: Carmen looked done for in that devastating hold!

Chadwick: Crafty thinking on her part to force Delikado to give up his own hold!

Both competitors lay out on the mat, Deli on his back and Carmen on her chest, utterly exhausted between this match and the semi-finals preceding it. With both down, Logan does all he can before having to administer the count!

1!

2!

3!

Varlet: It’d suck to see this end in a double knockout. But Logan is absolutely making the right call!

Chadwick: He should show some leniency though and ensure we get a Champion crowned tonight!

4!

5!

6!

Carmen pushes herself up to her hands and knees. Her whole body, ribs, throat was aching, her legs were tired – but she forces herself back up to keep this fight going!

7!

Deli sits up, breathing heavy after putting his all into the submission, now realizing the fatigue that has set in for the night!

8!

Deli reaches back and grabs the second rope, pulling himself up – as long as he holds on to them! Carmen pushes herself to her feet, although she drops back to her knees!

Varlet: She got to her feet though, that’s enough to break Logan’s count!

Deli holds onto the ropes with his left hand, stomping the mat with his right foot, signaling for the end!

Chadwick: The Last Call to Cuba…looks like Delikado is gonna get a pinfall after all!

Deli continues stomping his foot as Carmen takes one biiiiiiiiggggggggggg breath and gets back to her feet. The crowd roars in approval as DELI LURCHES FORWARD, BRINGING HIS FOOT TO CARMEN’S FACE! “LAST CALL TO CUBA” – but Carmen ducks!!

Varlet: She ducked him!!

Deli is left over extended as Carmen quickly spins around, placing one knee in his back, and falling back, driving her knee deep into his spine as this crowd falls silent enough to hear a pin drop in just awe of this classic piece of history!! Carmen sits up, she looks down at Deli and then points at the turnbuckle. Slowly, she crawls over to it, using the ropes to pull herself up. She stands up on the middle, and then eventually the top rope, looking down at Deli who still hasn’t moved! She crosses herself, before taking a big breath, SHE LEAPS!!

Varlet: I can’t watch!

Chadwick: Go ahead, do it, so you can cost yourself the match you cocky bastard!!

Carmen sails through the air, rotating four-hundred-fifty degrees, coming down onto Deli…

Did It Work?????

Carmen lays over Deli, as Logan drops down to count the fall;

1!

Varlet: She hit it!! She hit “The Finale” (450 Splash)!!

2!

Chadwick: Delikado has had her scouted all night! He’s gonna do it!

3!

Cruz Bleckley: Ladies and gentlemen, your winner, and the NNNEEEEWWWWW DARC Pro Sports Heavyweight Champion!! CAAAARRRRRMMMMEEEENNNN!! CAAAAMMMMBBBRRRRIIIDDDGGGGEEEE!!!

Carmen falls off of Deli and onto her back as Cruz hands the Championship to Logan, who drapes it across her chest. She pinches herself, confirming this isn’t a dream before just clutching the Championship close to her chest!!

Varlet: In all her years, her trials, and tribulations, she managed to finally win the one Title nobody would give her a fair shot at.

Chadwick: Carmen Cambridge. Inaugural DARC Pro Heavyweight Champion. She just did that!

Varlet: I believe the phrase there is “She Does This”.

Logan helps Carmen up, and raises her arm in victory. Carmen doesn’t even try to hide the tears streaming down her face now, the San Fran crowd showering her efforts with applause!! She takes the title in both hands, thrusting it up high in the air, much to the approval of the crowd as they hit a [new] fever pitch! Carmen moves over to the corner, climbing up on the second rope and thrusting the title up again! When she moves back to the centre, suddenly the lights in the Kezar Pavilion go out!

Varlet: Hey what the hell? We’re not out of time yet!

When they come back on, none other than Scooby-Doo, DARC celebrity guest from Episode 1 is in the ring, he takes Carmen’s hands into his…err, paws, and begins doing the Waltz with her.

Chadwick: What the hell?!

Varlet: I guess Scooby-Doo is happy too! What a classy guy.

Carmen stops, pulling away from Scooby, shouting out “You ruinin’ my moment, you dang dog! Ain’t you got a mystery to go solve?!” Scooby shrugs, and Carmen turns back around to continue celebrating with her Title. When she turns back to Scooby, he pulls something out –

Varlet: Hey what’s Scooby-Doo doing with that pipe?!

Chadwick: Watch out!

As quickly as the announce team exclaims the warning, Scooby-Doo blasts Carmen right across her ribs with the lead pipe!! Carmen goes down like a ton of bricks, the DARC Pro Championship falling down in front of Carmen’s face. Carmen reaches out for her Title as the camera, slowly, focuses in on Scooby-Doo, the arena in a stunned silence while the credits appear on the screen…

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