May 13, 2009
– Show opens with a long, but very good, exchange between Krow and Keith Scott Zimmerman. Apparently, the entire roster is petitioning to abolish the Hardcore Championship. Krow hints that he wants High Flyer, but instead KSZ is out to rip into Krow about not being a real wrestler, among other crimes. We’ve got Krow vs. KSZ tonight for the Hardcore Championship, as KSZ promises to pin Krow and burn the title into non-existence. While this was very good, the problem is the heel vs. heel dynamic, leaving the crowd unsure who to cheer for here. FWO has a lot of strong main event level heels. Now they need some equally strong main event level faces to draw some big money.
– Backstage, Xin Xin Xiong’s strategy to become the Cruiserweight Champion involves not challenging Michelle Masters for the title. Because she’s a girl and he’s got a code that doesn’t allow him to fight women.
– Elsewhere backstage, Rena Venenosa and High Flyer are ready to defend their tag team titles.
1 – Vox Nihili (Alias & Karina Wolfenden) vs. High Flyer & Rana Venenosa (Tag Team Championship Match)
Venenosa gets the jump on K-Wolf to start and lands a pendulum elbow for two. Venenosa scores with a chop and a dropkick, but runs into a kick in the corner. After a headscissor takedown, K-Wolf tags in Alias, as Flyer also tags in. Flyer catches Alias with a high leg clothesline, forearms, and reverses an Alias tilt-a-whirl into a reverse DDT. Flyer chops away but gets caught in a German suplex. Tag to K-Wolf, who goes coast to coast with a dropkick to Flyer’s injured ankle. She focuses on the ankle, including a double stomp. With Alias in, he takes Flyer down with a headbutt, elbow, and a knee strike for two. K-Wolf tags in and continues to target the ankle with a baseball slide dropkick and a backflip double knee drop. Nice leg sweep/lariat combo by Vox Nihili gets two. Alias holds up Flyer so K-Wolf can land a nasty double stomp to Flyer’s ankle for two.
More Vox Nihili tag team goodness ends with Flyer caught in a single leg. Flyer eventually is able to snake free, and catches Alias with an inside cradle for two. Alias continues brutalizing Flyer, but Flyer manages to reverse a tilt-a-whirl piledriver into a DDT. K-Wolf gets the tag, but so does Flyer, avoiding a double stomp in the process. Tornado reverse DDT and a Spider’s Bite splash by Venenosa gets two. K-Wolf takes a Livid DDT for a long two. K-Wolf nails Venenosa with an overhead bicycle kick and makes the blind tag and setting him up for a big boot from Alias. Venenosa avoids a backdrop suplex and nails Alias with the Bloody Nose Dive (Double Underhook Leg Face Driver) for two as K-Wolf makes the save with a rolling senton. Flyer tags in and launches off Alias for a Flying Asshole into K-Wolf. Venenosa grabs Alias, but ends up getting smashed into the buckles. K-Wolf intercepts Flyer’s attack on Alias with a low pumping dropkick. Nice double stomp/A-Bomb piledriver combo takes out Flyer. K-Wolf takes out Venenosa as Alias makes the pin.
Post-match, Alias cuts a promo about how great it is to hold gold, and to beat the FWO World Champion and the last Survivor winner, as K-Wolf crowd surfs in celebration. Once they’re gone, Venenosa attacks Flyer’s ankle and does some damage with a steel chair and finishes it off with a Bloody Nose Dive.
WINNERS: Vox Nihili via pinfall to become FWO Tag Team Champions. Vox Nihili looked tremendous here, though the outcome really wasn’t in doubt. Too bad they couldn’t have won the belts last week in that excellent cage match. Points for effort to Flyer, who is obviously still battling ankle issues. I’m not sure what this all means for Flyer’s World Title reign, as he did the clean job here. (**1/2)
2 – Blitzkreig Funk (Hans Wilhelm & Bastian von Bismarck) vs. Affirmative Action
Yes, it’s time for a clash of the stereotypes. I do a spittake as Roland uses douja’s old “cracka ass crackas” line. THEY RIP OFF EVERYTHING! AA calls Those Whacky Germans Nazi sympathizers and honkeys. The match ends in a 10-minute time limit draw.
RESULT: Draw. Nothing great or terribly bad here. (**)
– Backstage, some private investigator swears a lot at Alias and calls K-Wolf “candytwat.”
– Backstage, there’s a fight with Fairview Reed and his posse and One Eye for some reason.
3 – Jade Argent vs. Xin Xin Xiong
I have no clue why this match is happening (is Argent replacing Masters here by order of Ivy?), as it’s not explained pre-match by Argent. The “F” in FWO is for Random. Argent does heelish, arrogant things, while X3 does ninja-y stuff. Match ending sees Xiong grab a steel chair, then unleash the GREEN MIST~! on the referee who dares try to stop him. And he’s the FACE! After a chair shot, Argent blades.
WINNER: Jade Argent by DQ. Odd match. It lacked flow, featured tons of trash talking, and ended with the face doing something really heelish out of nowhere. So, it’s not OK to beat up women, but smashing dudes in the head with a chair is acceptable? F is for Random indeed. (*)
– Backstage, Ivy McGinnis, Mary-Lynn Mayweather (zuh?) and William Beaven discuss the upcoming “Free Wrestling Day” event. MLM is a booker now? The fuck is going on tonight? The ladies think it’s a bad idea, but Beaven doesn’t listen to no broad’s opinion.
– Elsewhere backstage, Ruben Ross disses Xander Scott’s wrestling review writing skills. And it sure is interesting that the FWO members started reviewing their own shows after the launch of the EWTorch. Just sayin’. Ivy ends up booking Scott into a match against killjoy. WHY?
4 – Xander Scott vs. killjoy
Time for some more heel on heel action. Your typical killjoy stiff/brawling is present. Scott gets a couple near falls, but after killjoy reverses a springboard rana into a stun gun, it was pretty much over. Killjoy seals the win with a crotch punt and the Snapmare Driver.
WINNER: killjoy via pinfall. killjoy’s stock seems to have dropped of late in the bookers eyes. Like several other people on the roster, he needs a feud or an angle to be something other than a heel with a cool finisher who squashes people on a weekly basis. To metaphor you, he’s just another a blonde porn star with implants. (*1/4)
– Backstage, more Alias and Karina Wolfenden, as “Superstar” Vince Jacobs drops by. And, nice guy he is, he doesn’t obliterate both of them with a chair. Karina does serve up a nice little line: “One step closer, and I will, literally, kill you in the face.” Jacobs calls her “Skittles.” They chat about family in a segment that doesn’t really go anywhere.
– Elsewhere backstage, Michelle Masters signs up to face Impulse in a 2 out of 3 falls match. At first, Impulse doesn’t want a title shot, pointing out his recent losses and the fact he’s only been in the FWO for a month, but Masters convinces him he’ll have earned it after beating her in a non-title match. So if Impulse wins, he gets a title shot. Um, OK. The Masters title reign is just beyond baffling to me. What is her motivation here? Weird psychology behind this segment. “Hi, I don’t have a challenger. How about you come beat me and then get a title shot?” I can only assume she thinks she can beat Impulse and is just messing with him, but isn’t she a face? I really miss the days of building people toward a title reign…
– Elsewhere backstage, High Flyer swats away Dr. James Andrews. If only he had done the following line in McCoy’s voice from “Star Trek”: “Damnit, Jim! You’re a knee surgeon, not an ankle guy!” “Superstar” Vince Jacobs shows up and hits Flyer with brass knuckles. Now that won’t help him get closer to 100 percent, Vince!
– Elsewhere backstage, Flying Frenchie and Mike Bear challenge Vox Nihili to a tag team match next week. But Alias decides to challenge them to a match TONIGHT. Now, I love Vox Nihili, but I hope the FWO doesn’t overexpose them too much too soon.
5 – Vox Nihili (Alias & Karina Wolfenden) vs. The Winners Of This Match (The Flying Frenchie & Mike Bear) (Tag Team Championship Match)
Before the bell, K-Wolf launches the Negasonic Lupine Warhead on Bear, and Alias gets the jump on Frenchie. In the ring, K-Wolf connects with a 720 DDT on Bear for one. After tagging Alias, she back heel kicks Bear, setting him up for an knee from Alias, into an enzuigiri from K-Wolf for one. Alias sets up Bear for K-Wolf to double stomp his back before Alias DDTs him in another nice spot. K-Wolg tags back in and the K-Wolf Flying Knee Express knocks Bear into an Alias German suplex into the buckles. This gets two. Alias pummels Bear with his Click Click Boom (head butt, knee to midsection, driving knee combo). Alias gets caught though and takes a Death Valley driver. Frenchie tags in and connects with a slingshot leg drop on Alias for two. Frenchie goes to work, eventually connecting with a superkick into a Loire Valley driver for two.
Bear re-enters and takes down Alias with a Drop To Hell (backdrop driver), and then connects with a senton bomb for two. Bear tags in Frenchie, hits a stalling suplex before Frenchie lands with an Asai moonsault for two. Frenchie cinches in a chinlock on Alias to slow things down briefly before Alias fights free. Frenchie recovers with a hangman’s neckbreaker and tags in Bear. Alias counters Bear’s offense and plants him with a half-nelson suplex. K-Wolf and Frenchie tag in, and K-Wolf koppuo kicks Frenchie. Flying knees to the corner and then K-Wolf hits an inverted lung blower on Frenchie. Goodnight Moon gets two as Bear makes the save. THUMB~! by Frenchie. Schoolgirl roll gets two. Frenchie dropkicks K-Wolf, but then misses a top rope guillotine leg drop. Frenchie catches K-Wolf with a dropkick, climbs up and hooks her for a back drop suplex from the middle rope with a bridge and we’ve got a three?
Post-match, it’s ruled that both Frenchie and K-Wolf’s shoulders are down, so we’ve got a draw. The lights go out, leading to the return of the Legion of Dairy (egg NOG and cHEESE). They lay out Vox Nihili with a chair.
RESULT: Draw. Really solid match with a lame ending that hurts Vox Nihili more than it helps them. It might have made more sense for the LoD to interrupt the match for a DQ, rather than having the newly crowned champs take a pin there. The match, if given a bit more time and a clean finish, easily would have eclipsed Nihili’s match earlier in the night, as these four worked very well together. Hopefully we get a rematch down the road. (**1/4)
– Backstage, Those Whacky Germans roam the hallways in a pointless segment.
6 – Krow vs. Keith Scott Zimmerman (Hardcore Championship)
Two of my favorites hooking it up? What could be better? KSZ tosses Krow a chair, but he won’t use it. Crowd seems split early, as they’re unsure who to cheer here (the heel vs. heel dynamic I mentioned earlier). Lockup ends with a clean break to start us off. They fight over a second lockup a bit before gains the advantage and again cleanly breaks. They trade slaps and Krow slams elbows into KSZ’s face. After a collision, KSZ goes to the floor, leading to Krow’s suicide elbow. KSZ gets the better of brawling on the floor before landing a sick Asai moonsault from the middle rope that crushes Krow into the guardrail. Back inside, a slingshot elbow drop into a rollup gets KSZ a one. KSZ works the back with a rear chin lock, jumping knee, and finally a knee-assisted camel clutch. Krow tries to fight out, but KSZ counters with a backstabber.
KSZ keeps on the offense, whips Krow to the corner and delivers a running front dropkick to Krow’s lower back. KSZ then runs into a knee. Spinning back fist by Krow leads to a sleeper with body scissors. KSZ fights out, but Krow charges with a lariat for two. Krow brutalizes KSZ some more before KSZ avoids a running knee and hits a hair pull backbreaker. A KSZ missile dropkick leads to a La Magistral cradle for two. Series of reversals sees KSZ get dumped into the corner. Sliding elbow by Krow gets two. A jumping knee lands KSZ on the apron. Krow charges, but he dives right into a steel chair. Another chair shot leads to the KSZDT (Tornado DDT) onto the steel chair. Krow avoids the brainbuster and nails the Prelude (release German suplex). Krow looks for the Near Death Experience onto a chair holding the Keith Scott Zimmerman Title, but KSZ nicely reverses into Hit My Music (Codebreaker)! Low blow by Zimmerman, who tries for the brainbuster again. But Krow reverses again and hits the Near Death Experience through the chair! Ouch. This gets the three.
WINNER: Krow via pinfall. Pretty good main event, though it lacked drama and fell into spot, sell, spot, sell, spot, sell, with a lack of near falls to push this one to bigger heights. Krow is easily the most dominant champion at the moment and has a ton of momentum. As for KSZ, you’ll find plenty of KSZ classics out there, but this wasn’t one of them. (**3/4)
Final Thoughts: Solid but unspectacular show. A bit too much Vox Nihili tonight, as they crammed in about two weeks worth of material into one show. The opening/closing Krow/KSZ stuff was all good in my book, but the rest of the roster is just there at the moment. Nobody’s standing out, especially on the face side of things.