May 27, 2009
– Show opens backstage with a burnt out Ivy McGinnis who takes her job and shoves it, telling off “Superstar” Vince Jacobs on her way out the door.
– Meanwhile, Those Whacky Germans Blitzkreig Funk protest Affirmative Action while “German sympathizers” shout “Seig Heil!”
– In-ring, Krow vows to regularly defend his newly won World Heavyweight Championship. Krow: “I don’t discriminate when it comes to my victims.”
1 – Impulse vs. Xin Xin Xiong vs. Michelle Masters
X3 refuses to wrestle, which is fine as Impulse and Masters provide some solid one-on-one action. But after a front flip plancha suicida wipes out Masters, X3 attacks Impulse from behind. Back inside, X3 gets a two after several kicks. And X3’s odd code of violence against women apparently allows making another man dropkick a woman, causing her to fall to the floor. X Clash gets two. Masters chases X around the floor then back inside, leading to Impulse’s Sudden Impact (superkick). Impulse and Masters argue, so X rolls away to safety. Masters gains an advantage and gets two after a moonsault on Impulse. Russian leg sweep/twisting front flip senton also gets just two. Masters misses a charge and runs into the steel post and falls to the floor. Impulse looks to fly, but X3 catches him and Impulse gets tangled up and kicked.
Back inside, a Muta-elbow gets X3 two. X3 briefly controls with kicks, but Masters takes down X3 with a kick and sunset flip for two. Masters attacks X3 and sets him up top. Impulse joins the fun, leading to a nice Spanish fly spot. Impulse covers, but X3 lifts his arm at two, which gives Impulse the opening for a crossface. X3 is able to power out, they trade shots, and Impulse locks in a second crossface after a torbellino (headscissor armbreaker). Masters breaks up the submission with a dropkick, and Impulse and Masters battle. Sharpshooter by Impulse! Masters is able to push her way free but gets caught in a sitout spinebuster. Impulse with a Boston crab, but she gets out, and he rebounds with a shining wizard. X3 tosses a chair into the ring to distract the ref, then its GREEN MIST~! Impulse blocks that, but then takes a springboard enzuigiri that knocks him to the floor. This leaves X3 and Masters, but X3 won’t return fire on her. So she DDTs him and hits ‘Chelle Shocked (shooting star press) for the win.
WINNER: Michelle Masters via pinfall. The FWO gave them a little more time than usual, and the result was a very solid match with some good storytelling, though with a slightly anti-climactic ending as it was all Masters. I’m not sure what Masters’ motivation is here trying to provoke X3 to fight her, because she’s not a badass character. Impulse and X are far more compelling characters at the moment, so I would’ve liked to see one of them pick up the win here. (***)
– A video introducing Jason “The Amazing” Biggs, the *ahem* 2006 Survivor winner, was shown. Funny bit: Kristen Jacobs: “Only one remained? The other two died in a fire. Not cool.” Beaven: “But we weren’t going to say, ‘the other two died in a fire so we’re stuck with Jason’, right? I mean, wouldn’t that be worse?”
– Black and white footage shows killjoy doing what he does best: being vague and creepy.
2 – Blitzkrieg Funk (Hans & Bastian) vs. Affirmative Action (Junious Slaughter & Omarr Atkins) (w/Roland Washington) (Flag Match)
Pretty simple: to win you capture your opponent’s flag. BF has the German National Flag, AA has NEW Glory (black magic marker replaces all the white on the flag, natch). Based on the flags, the crowd hates both sides, especially BF, but especially AA. Pretty basic stuff here. Hans pulls the referee in front of Slaughter’s cross body block. Hans goes for New Glory, but Washington runs interference, giving Slaughter the opening to hit a top rope enzuigiri. Washington unhooks his suspenders and rehooks New Glory. Atkins low blows Bastian, and Slaughter runs up to get the flag.
WINNER: Affirmative Action via capturing the flag. As a rule, flag matches generally suck. This one really was no different. (1/2*)
– Backstage, Mike Bear and The Flying Frenchie, the self-proclaimed number one contenders for the Tag Team Championships, run into Your Tag Team Gods Vox Nihili (Alias & Karina Wolfenden). K-Wolf: “Once we’re done with the Legion of Dai–OK, I can’t actually sound serious at all saying that.” Bear is sure Karina has no issues going twice a night. Hey now! This all sets up a triple threat match for next week.
– Elsewhere backstage, “Superstar” Vince Jacobs lets Krow know that he’ll be taking the World Heavyweight Title in due time.
– Elsewhere backstage, Alias turns down teaming up with Dave Morey in a six-man tag match in a segment that’s too long for its own good.
3 – X vs. killjoy
X takes over early and gets several nearfalls. But killjoy comes back with a modified neckbreaker after X crotches himself on the turnbuckles. Killjoy hits an implant DDT then tries for a suplex, but X reverses. X’s springboard moonsault gets two. killjoy rolls to the floor, so X dives after him but misses. Osaka Street Cutter. Back inside, The Killjoy (snapmare driver) finishes X off. Post-match, killjoy calls out Flying Frenchie and threatens to set X on fire. Frenchie runs in for the save and they brawl. Frenchie takes down killjoy with a superkick.
WINNER: killjoy via pinfall. The match was solid but forgettable, especially with the post-match happenings. Of course, the whole setting people thing on fire bit is played out and really wasn’t necessary. Odd that they’re picking back up on this Flyer/killjoy stuff after forgetting it for a month or so, especially with Frenchie now being in the tag division. Like Jacobs in previous weeks, this is a case of overbooking Frenchie, stuffing him into two simultaneous programs, and it feels a bit forced. (*1/4)
– In-ring, The Only Wrestler That Matters (w/Allison Lindum-Zimmerman) and your Keith Scott Zimmerman Champion, is out to let us know the High Flyer is irrelevant. KSZ will now focus his rants on the new World Heavyweight Champion, Krow. KSZ promises to either win the World Title or win Meltdown to get his shot. This brings out the Only Recovering Coke Addict That Matters Lowell Dot Com (w/insanity), to challenge KSZ, leading us to…
4 – Lowell Dot Com vs. Keith Scott Zimmerman (Internet Championship)
KSZ dominates and goes for the Best Brainbuster in the Business, but LDC violates KSZ’s mouth with a stinkfinger. LDC actually hits a pair of clotheslines, but KSZ finishes him easily with the Best Brainbuster In the Business.
WINNER: Keith Scott Zimmerman via pinfall. Squash. KSZ really needs a challenger or needs to seriously go after the World Heavyweight Title instead of just talking about it. (1/4*)
– In-ring, Xander Scott declares himself the most powerful person in the FWO. I think his liver might disagree.
– Backstage, Callie Urban rants in Chinese at Spike Saunders.
– Elsewhere backstage, Xander Scott volunteers himself to be the partner of Dave Morey and Jade Argent in the six-man tag match.
5 – Jeff Garvin (w/Julie Garvin) vs. Brawn
Pre-match, Garvin spits on a fan, who then wipes the spit onto Julie’s shirt. This pisses off Jeff (I know, I’m as shocked as you!), and he takes a swing at the dude. Brawn to the rescue and the fight is on. Inside the ring, Garvin continues working over Brawn, targeting the wrist and eventually hitting the Original Slam for two. GARVIN STOMP! But Brawn comes back with a German suplex for two. Beginning of the end comes after he fights out of the Tennessee Death Certificate and comes back with a vicious clothesline. Julie tosses in a chair, but Brawn overcomes the urge to use it and hits the Hammerhead Drop (delayed fisherman DDT) for the win. Post-match, Julie hits the ref with the chair, then Garvin pops up and takes out Brawn and viciously attacks his wrist.
WINNER: Brawn via pinfall. Pretty dull match, as it was apparently just a ruse to setup the post-match assault. (3/4*)
6 – Legion of Dairy (egg NOG & cHEESE vs. Vox Nihili (Alias & Karina Wolfenden) (Tag Team Championship)
Nihili in control early and often. Their first Series of Awesomeness culminates with stereo kicks gets K-Wolf an early two on egg NOG. More tandem goodness includes an Asai moonsault senton (K-Wolf) and DDT (Alias) combo using the ropes for two. Click! Click! Boom! plus One Last Breath gets two. NOG finally reverses the onslaught with a reverse DDT. cHEESE unleashes the Clothesline from Belle for tWO on Alias, who becomes your face in peril. As cHEESE locks in a dragon sleeper, NOG heads up top and hits the NOG Down frog splash for tWO. Alias becomes an LoD human pinball, taking several hard shots. Windows exploder suplex by cHEESE gets tWO. NOG’s Green Apple Quick Steps reverse fireman’s carry DDT gets tWO. But Alias fights back, spears NOG and makes the hottie tag. K-Wolf dominates with knees and kicks. Double enzuigiri on NOG. Anarchy’s Lullaby buffalo sleeper sets up K-Wolfe’s Goodnight Moon (asai kneedrop). Alias gets the pin.
WINNERS: Vox Nihili via pinfall. LoD got in a lot more offense than I expected, especially with Vox Nihili treating them like a joke team earlier. Yet another fun Vox Nihili match, though the outcome was hardly in doubt. Alias and K-Wolf need a real challenge. (**1/2)
7 – High Flyer & Spike Saunders vs. “Superstar” Vince Jacobs & Rana Venenosa
Flying guillotine leg drop on Saunders gets Venenosa an early one. Later, Flyer hits a spinning wheel kick on Jacobs for two, as Venenosa breaks up the cover. Flyer becomes face in peril, and Venenosa gets a two after a swinging neckbreaker. But Flyer fights back and connects with a Lunatic Bomb for two on Venenosa. Later, Jacobs catches Flyer up top for an Ego Check (spinning sitout powerbomb). Later, he powerslams Flyer for two. After Flyer’s Hypothermia (double underhook brainbuster), both men are down for a nine count. Jacobs takes Flyer down and nails the Shining Star (top rope guillotine leg drop) for two as Saunders makes the save. Venenosa and Jacobs look for a double team, but Flyer DDTs both. Hot tag and Saunders goes 7-foot-3 on their asses. Double-arm underhook suplex gets one on Jacobs. Saunders grabs Venenosa for a chokeslam, but Jacobs kicks the leg. A clothesline sends Saunders and Jacobs over the top to the floor. Flyer hits Cold Snow (DDT) on Venenosa as Jacobs and Saunders brawl. The ref is up by the stage now as Saunders looks to chokeslam Jacobs off said stage. Venenosa grabs Flyer’s sledgehammer and blasts Flyer’s ankle. The ref runs back to the ring and makes the count. Post-match, Jacobs hits Saunders with the Superstar Kick.
WINNERS: Rana Venenosa & “Superstar” Vince Jacobs via pinfall. This was OK. Just felt a little flat and by-the-numbers at times. (**)
– Backstage, Max Danger is heartbroken to find out Ivy isn’t at the show.
8 – Dave Morey, Jade Argent & Xander Scott vs. THE WINNERS OF A CRAPLOAD OF WORLD TITLES~! (The Flying Frenchie, Mike Bear & Ruben Ross) (w/Brittany Chambers)
Ugh, there is just too much wrestling for the sake of having matches on this show tonight. Or perhaps I’m still burned out from PRIME’s UltraViolence 2009. I have no clue why Frenchie/Bear are involved here. Frenchie gets the first nearfall on Argent after a Loire Valley Driver. Later, Bear catches Argent with a brainbuster for two as Scott saves the match. An exploder suplex on Argent also gets two. Ross and Scott get into it, allowing Morey to sneak in and hit Vindication (fire thunder driver). Argent covers for two on Bear. Morey tags in, but so does Ross. Outside Brittany Chambers hits Argent with a Snoopy toy. Morey won’t fight Ross and tags in Scott. Ross gets distracted, and Scott hits a belly-to-back suplex on Ross for two. Ross grabs Scott for Fire Bad, Tree Pretty (gutwrench to off-the-shoulder Ace crusher), one of Morey’s signature moves, for a long two.
CHAIR SHENANIGANS~! Morey and Scott combine to hit Hart Attack! Frenchie kicks Argent in the nuts. And again to big cheers! Morey powerbombs Frenchie. Slingshot, but Frenchie lands on the middle rope and dives off for a rana. Guillotine DDT by Argent on Frenchie! Bear and Morey fight until Bear unleashes the headbutts. Staredown time: Ross vs. Morey. One knockout punch floors Morey. Scott hits Ross with a spinning heel kick for two. Frenchie charges, but Scott nails him with an ultra stiff dropkick. Scott celebrates, but Ross is the legal man. That matters since when? Ross catches Scott for Sit The Fuck Down~! (spinning suplex turned sit-out tombstone). Bear grabs Argent in the Bear Claw (dragon sleeper) to prevent any count breakage.
WINNER: Ruben Ross, The Flying Frenchie & Mike Bear via pinfall. Phew. That match really picked up once Argent got out of the ring. Very nice ending sequence. (**1/2)
9 – Krow vs. Max Danger (w/ Leigh Landers) (World Heavyweight Title)
Leigh Landers hops out pretending she’s Krow’s “mystery opponent,” but it’s just a distraction so Danger can run in and attack with Armsy McDanger (the prosthetic arm). After the bell rings, a Danger dropkick sends Krow to the floor. Slingshot plancha suicida! In a rarity, Danger gets the better of Krow as they brawl on the floor. Back inside, Danger nails a missile dropkick for two. He follows that up with a couple of nearfalls, but Krow delivers a vicious kick and DDT. After Krow throws some elbows, Danger grabs him into a small package for two. Danger runs right into an overhead belly-to-belly suplex, which Krow follows with a sliding knee smash for two. A sleeper leads to a sleeper slam and side sleeper crossface! Danger powers up and back suplexes Krow for the break. They trade shots, and Krow gets a two following a corner clothesline. Danger fights back with a diving spinning DDT. Krow up at five, and Danger kips up and Marvel Kicks (superkicks) Krow. With Danger in control, he hits a moonsault for two.
Danger follows up a bitch slap with a Shotei palm thrust. After nine corner punches and a bite to eat, Danger looks for a flying back elbow, but Krow nails him with a roaring elbow. Krow grabs Danger for a sleeper, but Danger’s in the ropes, which results in a sleeper suplex that lands Danger on his head for two. Standing pinning wild bomb by Krow gets two. Frustrated, Krow hits a corner powerbomb/running corner knee combo, but Danger kicks out at two! Krow looks for the Prelude (release German suplex), but Landers with a distraction gets Danger free to nutshot the champ. Dragon suplex pin gets two! Running Marvel Kick also gets a long two. They avoid a couple signatures before Danger connects with a running enzuigiri. Danger heads up top, but Krow is up for a top rope Prelude! One Near Death Experience (backdrop driver) later, and Krow retains the championship.
WINNER: Krow via pinfall. Excellent TV main event match. The pre-match attack made all the early nearfalls very believable, the crowd reactions were great, and both guys busted ass. For any FWO fans who didn’t know how great Max Danger is, they do now. (****)
Post-match, Graphic Violence walks out carrying the Hardcore Championship to congratulate Krow. ”I almost forgot. A champion shouldn’t leave without his prizes. So don’t forget this,” GV says before putting the Hardcore Champion on Krow’s shoulder. This did not make Krow a happy Satanic God.
Final thoughts: Let’s see, we had ourselves a great main event and a solid opening match, with the usual hit-or-miss stuff in between. Again, I’ll say nine matches is really too much for reAction, especially when Garvin/Brawn and KSZ/Lowell didn’t even result in worthwhile matches and could have easily been segments. I would’ve liked to see Vox Nihili go squashy on the LoD here to solidify them as elite champions, but there is something to be said for not murderizing a team upon their FWO return. Overall, though, there isn’t much to complain about here, especially with the job Krow is doing on top making the World Heavyweight Championship feel like a BIG title.