Busy, busy week kids. Thus, the next few recaps will be a bit shorter than usual as I try to get caught up by early next week with three FWO shows and one more ACW show. Let’s get right to it.
May 6, 2009
– killjoy def. Impulse via pinfall in the opening no DQ match after a chair shot. Looked like Impulse might’ve injured his knee a bit in one spot during the match. Good back and forth action in this one, with an anti-climactic finish. (**1/2)
– Backstage, Krow continues the awesome psychology in his promos.
– Elsewhere backstage, Deacon tells Ivy that God has cleared him to wrestle. “Superstar” Vince Jacobs looks to go unite God and Deacon.
– Keith Scott Zimmerman def. Dusk to retain the Keith Scott Zimmerman Title with some assistance from Malik Roland and a steel chair (as if he needed it). Do I sense a theme tonight? Anyway, match was too short to amount to anything special. (*1/2)
– Blackstage, Ivy books Affirmative Action against Jeff Garvin and Brawn.
– In-ring, Vince Jacobs blames High Flyer, the wrestlers, fans, and management for High Flyer’s lame title reign and for no showing. Ivy books him against Xin Xin Xiong as Jacobs has to earn himself a title shot. Blasphemy!
– One Eye defeated Fairview Reed via pinfall in (surprise) a squash. (NA)
– Backstage, Ivy forces Jade Argent to face X under threat of not getting paid.
– Jade Argent def. X via pinfall with some assistance from a crutch and a Butterfly Bomb. You see, Argent was so injured in the Silver Pyramid match that he entered tonight’s match with crutches. After selling the injury, Argent was able to distract the referee and use the weapon to get the heelish victory. (NA)
– Backstage, High Flyer (who?) tells Tony Davis that he’ll be facing Krow tonight for the Hardcore Championship. Yes, there’s your High Flyer fix.
– Elsewhere backstage, Johnny Legend challenges One Eye to a match some other night in that very ring probably in this very arena in this very city in this very state in this very country on this very planet.
– Affirmative Action def. Brawn & Jeff Garvin via pinfall after a Street Sweepa (roundhouse). I’m not sure who to cheer here, as AA is not a likable team, Garvin is a heel, and Brawn is a moron for wanting to team with Garvin. Decent action throughout, with Brawn doing most of the work for his team. Ending saw Brawn accidentally hit Garvin, which rather annoyed him, so Garvin nailed Brawn with a Memphis Death Certificate (jumping piledriver) before flipping off everybody and leaving. (**1/4)
– Alias and Karina Wolfenden visit Team viagra’s room. Karina whips out quote of the night: “Funny how half the locker room thinks at this rate I’m still likely to be in an FWO world title match before you though, huh?” Oh baby! EW Torch mention! ***** to Karina for that. Finally, I can charge people to read my stuff! Just kidding. Anyway, this was a good segment, as Vox Nihili continues to bring the awesome, and Flyer was also on here. If this match happens next week, it should be awesome. I haven’t cheated and read the spoilers on the ‘Net. Because I didn’t HAVE the ‘Net while I was on vacation.
– Ruben Ross and Xin Xin Xiong discuss strategy in another entertaining segment. Xiong is worried because his code of not hurting women may cost him his chances of winning the Cruiserweight Title against Michelle Masters. Ross tells him he isn’t working for PBS and needs to stop snorting marker fumes. Lots of good lines here by both guys.
– Krow def. Tony Davis via pinfall in a Hardcore Championship Match after a Near Death Experience (backdrop driver) through a steel chair. Krow murdered the fuck out of Davis early, but made the mistake of smashing Davis’ DS game console to pieces. Nintendo psychology~! Davis got into this one for a bit, but it didn’t last long. Post-match, High Flyer saves Davis from a severe neck injury, and Krow heelishly walks away from a fight with Flyer. (*1/2)
– In-ring, Ruben Ross chats with Dave Morey via satellite. Ross angry. Morey dick.
– “Superstar” Vince Jacobs vs. Xin Xin Xiong ended in a draw as both guys are pinned during a German suplex pin with a bridge. Finn should be hit with a chair for using Michael Cole’s material. Jacobs and X3 packed in a lot of good action into this short little match. I’d be interested to see what they could do with a bit more time. (**3/4)
– Backstage, Those Whacky Germans Blitzkreig Funk drive Ivy to drinking in a rather pointless segment.
– Ringside, we have a segment involving Xander Scott and Screech from “Saved by the Bell” unfortunately for anyone with ears. Umm…wow. What’s with all the “Bell” love lately in wrestling? This leads to a match, unfortunately for anyone with eyeballs. Scott wins, thankfully. And we all know that fomer “Saved by the Bell” stars in matches = negative EWTorch ratings. So this gets (-*).
– In-ring, “Superstar” Vince Jacobs obliterates Deacon with a chair to save us all from a Deacon promo. SVJ then takes out Deacon with a piledriver off the steps to the concrete. Ouchie.
– And as we hit the main event, and a potential **** match, we enter regular Caldweller recap mode.
9 – Vox Nihili (Karina Wolfenden & Alias) vs. Team VIAGRA v2 (Mary-Lynn Mayweather & David Noble) (Steel Cage Match)
Win is only by pin or submission here. Noble kicks off the action before the bell with a crossbody from the top of the cage on Nihili! Yowza. This gets a two count on K-Wolf as the match becomes official. After some forearms, Mayweather monkeyflips K-Wolf into the cage (!), and Mayweather quickly follows up with a leg drop for two. After a tornado 3/4 nelson bulldog, Mayweather tags in Noble. Mayweather with a spinning back heel kick, which sets up a nice top rope sunset flip by Noble for two. K-Wolf gets catapulted to the cage, but she holds on Spiderwoman style, and rebounds with a spinning enzuigiri. Alias tags in and brutalizes Noble for a bit. Noble gets stuck between the cage and ropes, leading to one of Vox Nihili’s Series of Awesomeness (as I like to call it now): Alias hits a high knee; K-Wolf with a pump dropkick; Alias drapes Noble’s feet across the ropes and holds him so K-Wolf can land double stomp on Noble’s back. Standing corkscrew senton by K-Wolf gets two.
K-Wolf connects with an amazing handstand 619 before tagging in Alias, who whips Noble to the corner as the K-Wolf Double Knee Express runs into Noble’s shoulder blades. Alias sets up Noble on his shoulders, but he avoids a rana and victory rolls Alias for two. Noble drop toe holds Alias into the cage and pounds on him. This busts open Alias. Nice Russian leg sweep/dropkick combo by Noble and Mayweather, followed by a Mayweather standing moonsault gets two. She targets Alias’ ribs before tagging in Noble to assist her with a tornado DDT. Noble hits a leg drop before Mayweather connects with a rolling senton for two. After flapjacking Alias into the cage, Noble connects with a leaping Yakuza kick. A 450 splash gets two. Tag to Mayweather, but Alias catches her, punts Noble in the face, and launches her into the cage with a fallaway slam. Alias makes the tag, and K-Wolf hits a Goodnight Moon Asai knee drop on Mayweather for a long two as Noble makes the save with a leg drop. For this, Alias runs Noble backfirst into the cage brutally. Inside cradle by Mayweather on K-Wolf gets two, but Alias pushes the pin the other way for two.
A bloody Noble low blows Alias and suplexes him into the cage. After landing a superkick on Alias, Noble starts to climb the cage for an escape. K-Wolf catches him and tries for a lungblower, but Noble hangs on and elbows break K-Wolf’s grip on him. Moonsault reverse DDT by Noble on Alias! He tries for the pin, but the men aren’t legal. Does that really matter in a cage match after a hot tag? Noble whips Mayweather toward K-Wolf for a splash, and K-Wolf is the meat in a Mayweather/cage sandwich. K-Wolf avoids a running Yakuza kick, and Noble’s foot busts the cage wall open, trapping his calf. Bicycle kick by K-Wolf on Noble adds injury to injury, but this tears Noble free of the cage. Mayweather then grabs K-Wolf for Sliced Bread #4, which is the greatest thing since Sliced Bread #3. Mayweather’s ***½ star frog splash connects on K-Wolf for two as Alias makes the save by tossing her into the cage. Noble escapes a powerbomb attempt by Alias by jumping to the cage and then nailing an awesome Diamond Dust. Noble tries to escape the cage again, with K-Wolf on prevent defense. Meanwhile, Mayweather lands a pair of moonsaults on Alias. K-Wolf gets over the cage, but Noble tries unsuccessfully to superplex her back in, getting his face blasted on the top of the cage. K-Wolf headscissors him up and he gets dumped to the floor. Meanwhile, Mayweather finishes off her Mary-Lynn Triple Moonshot on Alias, but Alias isn’t the legal man. From the top of the cage, K-Wolf dives with a double stomp to Mayweather’s back! DAMN! K-Wolf makes the pin, as Noble unsuccessfully tries to get back in through the hole in the cage.
WINNERS: Vox Nihili via pinfall to become new number one contenders for the Tag Team Titles. Wow, what an awesome TV main event match. All four wrestlers busted ass non-stop and this felt like a big time main event, with Vox Nihili finally getting the big victory over VIAGRA. Hats off to everyone involved. (****1/2)
Final thoughts: What’s not to like about a show with that great main event? Well, Jacobs booking continues to be odd to say the least. His match with X3 seemed out of place with the Deacon booking. And did we need nine matches? Seems a bit overboard, especially with the quality of things like Screech/Scott and Reed/One Eye. Matches should MEAN something. Set up some sort of scenario (please NOT involving Ivy), rather than just throwing out random pairings with no reason behind them. The FWO really needs to make me start caring about some of these characters. They seriously need some faces I can cheer for other than Vox Nihili. And I don’t mean they have to be Impulse sorts of good guys. Just guys I want to cheer for or care about.