Welcome to the first show review for EWTorch in 2015. The fed head of Hardcore Championship Wrestling, Ashley, asked if I’d give this a look and offer some feedback. So I figured why not? So here you go, an unbiased outside look at HCW’s Devastation II.
Please note I will be live commentating as I read. These opinions are that of my own and have been requested by the fed head. Please take anything said as constructive criticism offered to help.
SHOW LINK: http://www.hcwrestling.co.uk/index.php?/topic/307-devastation-ii-results/
AIR DATE: 7/24/2015
Cold open for the show. Starts out with an exterior shot of the arena, some fireworks over it, quickly change to inside arena where it pans quickly over the fans to the announcers who state the arena and the first match. That’s basically it.
While the segment itself covers the bare minimum basics of what it needs to, they are missing a golden opportunity to hype the upcoming card. While I could point out that adding more description into the opening portion could really pull the reader into the experience, I find the lack of a show run down is the real miss here.
We jump directly into the first match, with no discussion of ongoing stories, or what’s coming up. There is one line that highlights this lack of information: “AJ: I know I do, but the match I think I want to see is the main event.” In that line alone, there was so much opened up to expand the segment and use it to tell the story of what the main event is and how it came to be that was completely lost. As a first time viewer, this doesn’t get me ready for the main event. It tells me that the commentator is ready, but he has to sit through the rest of the show. As the viewer, I don’t. So I may never even see the main event.
I’m also sure this goes through out the show, but dark red on the grey background, is not a good color choice if you absolutely have to use color coding for the commentator names.
7 WAY BATTLE ROYAL
In the opening segment, this was called a 6 Way Battle Royal. However, it’s seven participants. Already, continuity is lost early on. If the opening segment would have been bigger, this may have been easier to miss. But not with how lacking it was. Caused this to stand out like a sore thumb.
Oh, more colors for the commentator names. This will be the last I mention it during the basic break down, but it’s 2015. You don’t need to use colors to distinguish different people speaking. Especially when using script style formatting. You already distinguish whom is speaking by saying their name. May I suggest dropping the color and maybe just bolding the names? Capitalizing them? Both. Anything but the colors, especially contrasting colors with the site design. Also, what if you switch themes later on and the names blend even worse?
Oh. Apparently this gets made a 7-Way Battle Royal. This was already spoiled by the name of the match and match headers. As someone not in the fed, just reading the show, you’ve taken me out of the story by doing this. I would have titled it 6-Way Battle Royal and shown just the original participants. Do the announcement, then throw that picture up. Remember, you’re telling a story that occasionally people not associated with the fed will read, so you need to present things in a way anyone could check it out and stay in things.
I’m already confused. We have people sliding out of the ring to the floor. Then we have people pinning people. When I think “Battle Royal” I think over the top rope, which by Wikipedia’s standards is the typical type of Battle Royal(e). This is where expanding the discussion from the commentator’s would help. Maybe talk about the rules of the match early. Pins CAN happen, but it’s not what you think of instantly when you think of this type of match.
Very short match, especially for a seven person battle royal. The main issue is how it focused on just two people at a time for the most part. What are the others doing? When writing cluster matches, you should make sure it is written in a way you always know what is happening. The commentator pointing out how short the match was several times didn’t help the match at all. Took away from it in my opinion.
The match itself was alright. A bit underwhelming for a 7-Way Battle Royal, especially with a highlighted wrestler (Juliet Brooks). Was pretty basic, too quick, and not enough description for my liking. 2 STARS
BACKSTAGE SEGMENT: Avery/Ashley
Very short, but very effective segment actually. Ashley has something to discuss with Avery who really doesn’t care to hear what he has to say. Only thing that stood out.. why wouldn’t you be still upset if someone broke into your place? 4 STARS
JENNIFER ENIGMA VS CHARLES FEIGEL: NO DQ MATCH
Good work continuing the story from the previous match and segment, although the cheating stuff is just weird for a storyline to me. If it isn’t, then it was just a weird conversation point to include.
I hate when people spell their names with numbers or un-needed K’s instead of C’s. But it can be overlooked if in the dialogue the commentator isn’t pronouncing it in the way it’s spelled. Just takes me out of the reality. HardK0re should be said as Hardcore.. but I digress.
The match itself read like a summarized match. While not written to be a short match, the lack of running commentary causes it to come off that way. Alright match. Could have used a bit better description, but a lot better than the first match. 3.5 STARS
BACKSTAGE SEGMENT: Luke/HectorGood segment here. Good way to hype the main event and a return. Don’t call it a federation please! That word being associated with wrestling disappeared when WWF became WWE. it never made sense when they did it either. A good replacement word is promotion. 4.5 STARS
ASHLEY VS JESSICA: Last Man Standing
Very violent match in regards to man on woman violence. You’ll turn off a lot of people like this. Personally, I don’t care. The match itself was a hardcore match, that is for sure. It had a lot of good spots in it and was written decently, but there is a lot of continuity issues.
How was there a garbage can of weapons, a table, and a bag under the ring? Like.. the garbage can is the one that has me stuck. He slams the garbage can, full of weapons, across her back? Lets see what was all in it… cookie sheet, a chair (or was that just in the ring already?)… ok, now the bag is emptied, has thumbtacks. Another chair or the same chair now? Where did these chairs come from?
More stuff from the can… Kendo stick, light tube, cheese grater, chain, brass knuckles, handcuffs, sledge hammer… Wow. And this is the same can from under the ring and that Ashley swung and hit her back with?
Now there is “the belt” that is being used to choke. What belt is this? I was stuck on this for a bit trying to figure out where the belt came from as well.
More stuff… barbed wire, lighter fluid, matches…
Major flaming table, barbed wire thumbtack spot.
Ok… so… the match was an ultraviolent man on woman spot fest with stuff that in reality, would have ended a lot sooner. The match was alright, but the continuity was a major issue. if more attention was spent on this, maybe adding in a bit better description of the situation and surroundings, this could have come across a lot better. Not terrible by any means, but a lot of little things. Remember, when writing your job is to write in a way the reader can picture the match in their head as they read. I found myself unable to do this as I would stop and try to logically place together where the last thing came from. I’d love to see this match expanded upon with more description. 3.5 STARS
RINGSIDE SEGMENT: Dreamer
The voice over is way too much text in one block. Hard to read, hard to follow. break it up more. So, the owner has been MIA for 9 years? Seems like bad business. Wait, is he coming back or Captain Canada or both? Is Captain Canada the owner? Well, there Canada is.
Why are their signs in the crowd for this unannounced return? Such specific signs? Also, the commentator in the previous match, one of the last lines said something about Dreamer making his return and why… shouldn’t be there. it ruins the start of this segment.
Some OK things here, but too much happenings. The block of text doesn’t do anything to help it. I think this should have been crafted a bit more toward old and new fans alike. 1.5 STARS
BACKSTAGE SEGMENT: Ashley
OK, so unless this Pat Gorden Jr thing is already set to become a real thing, drop calling him out. So.. Captain Canada is Dream since he’s been gone 9 years? As a guy not knowing the history this confuses me. Also, why is Ashley about to get into a car? After that last match, shouldn’t be be at least being seen by a doctor? Good base segment, but too much that needs more explanation. 2 STARS
TRIPLE THREAT NO DQ MATCH
What a night! That is the opening of every match so far I think. This match is another that came off pretty well, but almost seemed summarized with the lack of active commentating throughout. The first half was entertaining and well done.
Here we go.. more weapons after that last match. I get that the fed is a hardcore themed fed, but maybe a good visual layout of what weapons are available in the opening description would go a long way. 2×4 wrapped in barbed wire is up next
Rest of the match played out as the first did. Had a run in. Altogether not a bad match. Just needs expanding on description and commentary. 4 STARS
BACKSTAGE SEGMENT: Lauren/Dean
Throw away segment. 1/2 STARS
MAIN EVENT: Falls Count Anywhere
For someone whom was unsure of themselves the previous segment, Lauren did well. Also, why have her GF in the seg if she doesn’t join ring side for extra story telling? Altogether a good match though. The match writer took a bit more time with this one and it shows. 4 STARS
OVERALL SHOW THOUGHTS
The show was alright in the context of the overall story told. Story wise and presentation as a wrestling show, everything was on point. Obviously realism is out of the window with how much violence there is and cursing on “tv” but looking past that, for what it is, the show worked well.
My biggest feedback is in overall writing. Great base in the matches, but I feel like with a bit more time put into everything, more description, things could really pop. As I said in the feedback above, you are writing for the reader who should be able to visualize the show as they read. Don’t rush through and try to sit back and think as you write. Does this make sense? Can the reader visualize what is happening?
Visually, the colors are distracting and make me want to kick babies. Especially the dark colors on the dark background. STAHP! Some spelling issues, in one or two matches specifically it was worse. Assuming Ashley wrote those matches and while it seems that someone helped with editing to pull it together a bit better, they missed a few sections together. I misspell shit all the time in my results too. Best thing you can do is designate one to two people to share the matches/show with prior and have them comb through it with notes or editing. It’s helped me.