hahaha – last week I was calling Marshall, Texas, Mesquite and for all the Marshans down there, I’m terribly sorry. This road trip around this beautiful state has left me a tad confused and having only been able to write my blog once I arrived in Mesquite, as that was where I met my wife for our anniversary, I was a little confused. So apologies to all the WONDERFUL people at Marshall. And please stop writing the emails.
Now to the task at hand, we’re looking at Homebrand TV 4. Where things are REALLY heating up in BRAND wrestling. The introduction of our SECOND championship belt really seemed to get the blood pumping with some of the roster, causing all types of excitement there. Pepper agreed to a deal with Mountain Dew which would see them as the naming rights sponsor of the belt until June 2009. With four of stars, new and known, battling it out by the end of the show we would have our first representative of the effervescent beverage.
The show kicked off with Pepper coming out to greet the fans and hype the main event. He began talking about how Wone and Mary-Lynn Mayweather would be the equaliser to the bravado of Elijah and Sharc and how those two were the anti-christ to everything BRAND represented. Sharc’s music cued up and the fans began to boo as the champ made his way down to the ring. Sharc told Pepper that no matter what the owner of BRAND believed he was the reason anybody watched. People loved two things on television; anarchy and villains. He was the unknown entity that made Homebrand TV worth watching. He told everyone that he would no longer be facing Wone at Sharcbait because Wone would leave Homebrand TV on a stretcher and would be too scared to ever step foot inside a BRAND wrestling ring again. Cue Wone. Wone made his way out to the ring and stepped up into Sharc’s face, snatched the microphone and told Sharc that it was the other way around. That Sharc would be the champion of Ward 7 at the local general hospital. Mary-Lynn Mayweather came out and asked the fans if they came here for a dick measuring contest or a wrestling show and said once all the boys had finished measuring up that she and Wone would prove to BRAND wrestling that crime doesn’t pay.
Scoot Johnson v. Grizzly Valentine
The fans gave Johnson heat as he made his way down with his gay entourage and dwarven valet and reversed their disapproval as Valentine came out. The pair hit each other hard in the ring with Johnson taking the advantage over Valentine early on with an exploder suplex and a good ol’ fashioned mudhole stomping. Johnson played to the fans only to be chop blocked and catapulted into the corner. Valentine hit a running dropkick to Johnson’s guts for a kickout. With Valentine in control he showed he was worth Pepper’s confidence and a float-over DDT followed by a double powerbomb with a bridge had the fans on their feet only for Johnson to kick out with milli-seconds left before the three. The pair got to their feet and tangled up, Johnson yanked Grizzly into a side headlock and sat down with a stiff bulldog variation. Yanked Pepper’s boy to his feet and whipped him into the ropes, swinging neckbreaker got Johnson a cover but Grizzly kicked out. Johnson attempted his Johnson Driver but was spoilt by Grizzly who drove the knee in the belly and then double-underhook face drivered (Pedigreed) Johnson into a three-count.
Winner: Grizzly Valentine
Rating: ** 1/4
Backstage reporter Sandra Dee was scheduled for a backstage interview with Joe Bananas regarding the biggest night of his career with both a shot at the BRAND Mountain Dew Championship and refereeing the main event. However, before he could utter a word, a scuffle broke out quickly when Joe Bananas was the victim of a heinous assault from none other than “The Wyoming Wild Man” Tom Elijah. The attack was not hindered by the screams of Sandra Dee as Elijah threw various backstage equipment over the fallen body of Joe Bananas before capping off the attack with an assimilating version of his Wild Bomb, driving Joe Bananas directly onto a trunk backstage for transporting ring gear. EMTs were quick to the scene as Tom Elijah fled. At this point, we have no updates on Joe Bananas, but we’ll continue to bring BRAND fans news as it comes to us.
We caught goldFISH as he made his way to the ring only to find that he was a little jumpy. The cameraman asked goldy what his problem was and he said that he thought he were being followed. He wasn’t sure if he was hallucinating or not but said he felt like he were being followed.
goldFISH v. Shawn FoX
The fans were in for a treat with the next bout as goldFISH and FoX made their way down to the ring. They tangled up in the centre of the ring with the larger goldy taking advantage with a pendulum backbreaker followed by a sidewalk slam. He military pressed FoX, dropping him on the top turnbuckle before whipping him into the ropes and collecting him with a big boot. The fans were getting right behind the oddity that was goldFISH as he powerbombed FoX, shaking the foundations of the ring. He made the cover and got the quick pinfall over FoX before celebrating his first win in BRAND wrestling.
As goldFISH turned to exit the ring someone snuck in behind with a steel chair. The CLANG! echoed through the BRAND Big Top as goldFISH dropped to his knees. His attacker was Ikan Jobtayoo. Ikan swirled around in front of him. “I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD, BUBBLES!” he screamed maniacally before clobbering goldFISH one more time across the head. “HOW COULD YOU FAKE YOUR DEATH?!?” he screamed again. It was quite confusing for the fans but Jobtayoo tossed the chair aside and ran to the back crying like a baby.
BRAND Mountain Dew Championship Match
Jake Keeton v. Joe Bananas v. Steve Solex v. Billy Coles
The fans were getting excited to see the crowning of the new champ and Solex, Keeton and Coles had all made their way out to the ring yet Bananas was nowhere to be seen. The cameras cut to backstage to find Pepper talking to his road agent arguing over where Bananas was when he was told that Bananas left in an ambulance. That’s when Tom Elijah popped up with a wicked grin, telling Pepper that he advertised the four-way and people were waiting for another competitor and it would look unprofessional if BRAND did not adhere and supply. Elijah told Pepper he was willing an able.
The fans erupted in boos as Elijah made his way out as a late replacement for Bananas and he rolled under the ropes to a gang stomping from the trio already inside. Coles and Solex began in the ring as Elijah and Keeton exited. They tied up and Coles drove the knee into Solex’s gut and slammed him face first into the canvas. He grabbed a handful of hair and yanked Steve to his feet, whipped him into the ropes and powerslammed him. Solex got to his feet only to be whipped into the corner where Keeton made a blind tag on him. He leapt the ropes and grabbed Coles in a waistlock and German suplexed him hard into the canvas. Solex and Keeton hoisted Coles to his feet and a double vertical suplex followed by a double cover and Billy Coles was eliminated from the competition.
Keet elected Solex to stay in the ring. They tied up and Solex managed to twist things around and hit a neckbreaker on the former FATE trainer. Solex yanked Keeton up and whipped him into the ropes where Elijah caught him in a sleeper. Keeton struggled to free himself as Solex stepped up the turnbuckles and dropkicked Elijah in the face, freeing Keeton. As Solex got to his feet Keeton pummeled him into the canvas with a running clothesline having been freed. Elijah dragged Steve out of the ring and smashed him ringside with a HUGE spinebuster slam that knocked the life out of him. He rolled him back inside and Keeton and the Highlight of the Night had Steve Solex eliminated from competition.
Elijah stepped into the ring and as Keeton charged he drove a big boot into his chest, knocking the wind out of him. Elijah picked him up by two hands and applied a double choke on Keeton, shaking him while he did it. Referee warned for Elijah to stop but received an elbow to the face for his troubles. The Wyoming Wild Man hoisted Jake onto his shoulders into a rack and then BAM! Neckbreaker. The giddy referee made a slow count which enabled Keeton to kick out on two. Elijah continued on tucked Keeton’s head between his legs for the Wild Bomb. Yet Keeton managed to flip Elijah over and bolted at the ropes, Tom got to his feet and charged with the clothesline for Keeton to duck under it. Bounding off the ropes from behind Elijah a massive bulldog planted the big man into the canvas. Elijah bounced to his feet and Keeton booted him in the belly and HIGHLIGHT OF THE NIGHT! The second Highlight of the Night had Elijah on the canvas and 1…2…3…MOUNTAIN DEW CHAMPION!
Winner & FIRST BRAND Mountain Dew Champion: Jake Keeton
Sharc & the Wyoming Wild Man, Tom Elijah v. Wone & Mary-Lynn Mayweather
Guest referee: Joe Bananas?
Well the fans prepared themselves for the main event as Elijah remained in the ring. Sharc emerged from the back with the BRAND Name title belt and made his way down there, he and Elijah simply began to plan what was going to happen. Together, Wone and Mary-Lynn emerged to huge pops from the Mesquitos as they remained outside the ring until the special guest referee arrived. “Walk the Line” hit the PA and the fans roared as Pepper emerged from the back wearing a referee shirt, given that Joe Bananas was already in hospital. The three entered the ring where Sharc and Elijah attacked before the bell could even be sounded. Sharc and Elijah throwing fists. Mayweather went down like a sack of shit as Elijah tossed her into the corner and began to slap her across the face. Pepper tried to stop Elijah as Sharc tossed Wone outside of the ring. He whipped him into the guard rail. Tossed ringsteps at him. Smashed a steel chair across Wone’s head and Wone was clearly unconscious. Sharc rested Wone’s arm across the ring steps and stomped on his shoulder, which seemed to wake up the number one contender for a few moments before slipping back into unconsciousness.
Security came down, along with EMTs and they tended to Mary-Lynn and Tom Elijah, taking them to the back leaving Pepper standing in the centre of the ring shocked at what happened. The fans began to boo as Pepper realised what was happening behind him. His head dropped in dismay as he turned around to see Sharc had a microphone. He spoke about hurdles. How things seemed to get in the way and the only way to get around that was to knock them down. And now Pepper was in the way. Elijah caught Pepper in a Full Nelson as Sharc produced some brass knuckles. He began to hit Pepper in the guts again and again as Pepper tried to remain with a stiff upper lip while the two baddest men in BRAND’s short history tried to turn his internal organs into pulp. Sharc then held his BRAND Name title belt high above his head, it was still branded with the blood “X” of one Pepper Pete Peppins. He clobberd Pepper with it, knocking him out cold in the centre of the ring. Pepper fell to his feet in a heap but things were not over. Tom Elijah picked up the owner, tucked his head in, beckoning Sharc to bring in a table. The fans booed so loudly the inside of the BRAND Big Top sounded like being in the eye of a hurricane. Elijah WILD BOMBED Pepper right through the table and the duo stood over Pepper sneering theit wicked grins as Homebrand TV went off the air.
What an amazing show as we’re only two steps away from Sharcbait. Two more Homebrand TVs and we will see Sharc defend his belt against someone. But who? Seeing how he and Elijah are continually being the bane of Pepper’s existence, will we see the owner trying to plot some revenge? What will Pepper do to restore law and order in BRAND wrestling?
Jake Keeton emerged from the show as the FIRST Mountain Dew Champion and he has a HUGE career ahead of him in BRAND wrestling. As the Mountain Dew champion it is the law to of the land to defend it on every televised event so who will Keet’s first defense be against?
Stay tuned and there’ll be more to come from BRAND wrestling as we get closer and closer to Sharcbait.
I’m Morton Murphy, and I’ll catch you on the Flipside.