By Towanda Hotchkins
Another week another review. Thanks for checking back and reading my stuff. I must have done something right last week. Or you’re just that bored. Either way I’ll take it.
Here’s another review of fWo’s reAction. (A tip, if you want me reviewing different shows, leave a reply and drop the show, I may just check it out.) Back to business. This week starts out with a recap of the end of the tag team match last week that saw Legion of Dairy attacking both members of Vox Nihili, allowing the Entourage to pick up the win and the tag team titles. Which means we’re probably going to see all sorts of fallout tonight.
The actual show starts of with the fWo internet champion the Flying Frenchie taking a merry little stroll backstage, minding his own business when oh no! The she wolf herself stepped in his way. Little Red Frenchie isn’t afraid of the not so big, not so bad wolf, and pretty much shuts her down when she tries to get him to use his Meltdown win to challenge the Entourage tonight and give them the Brawn treatment. So, the Entourage is also in action tonight, apparently. An not against Vox. Hey Karina, ever hear of a rematch clause? Cause, like, you’re totally entitled to one. Grow a pair of ovaries and demand it from Beaven. He’ll give it to you, Krow’s got his dick wrapped around his little finger. But no, that’s not what happens. When Frenchie refuses outright to challenge the new champs, Karina challenges him to a match. She wins, he challenges them. And she also gets his title. Frenchie says to get used to the Entourage as champions, as he highly doubts she’s gonna beat him.
Next up we have the return of possible murderer’s accomplice/Japanese mafia member One Eye! How the hell Ivy managed to get him cleared is beyond me. He and his tubby butt buddy run into the hardcore champion Ric Chronos. Apparently, Chronos was involved in outrageously shady dealings way back when. But he’s clean now, he swears it. Why is it always the mafia? And what the hell is the Ryouko clan? Are they part of the Yakuza? Why can’t they be part of a ring of mad scientists that conducted freak genetic mutations on themselves and now they’re in a rush to figure out how to undo the damage because it’s slowly killing them? ‘Cause that’s about as believable. Just like giving birth to a hand. I’m totally gonna show my face on national television when I’ve got a possibly mob hit on me. YAY! Anyways, they make themselves a hardcore match for Chronos’ title.
Which just so happens to be next! And it’s really short. And not really satisfying at all and Chronos? You still look like a pussy. Didn’t like the finish at all, but I guess they’re setting up for something later down the line. I hope. Maybe it will involve mafia hitmen. By the way, it’s got to suck donkey balls to be Yutaka. Switch the t and the k and you have yukata, which is a ladies’ dress in Japan. Bet he got all sorts of teasing as a child.
Here’s the Entourage. And Callie Urban is pissed at Spike. Because we’re getting another anvil dropping reminder that she had nothing. to. do. with. it. She gets pissed when Spike reminds her that she’s the one that convinced him to go to the dark side. Which logically, is like an abusive husband saying his wife made him beat her. Yes, Spike, she totally made you stand by and watch as the Legion of Dairy got off strangling her so you could get a title shot. But the end justifies the means. Callie storms out, bumping into Legion of Dairy. They remind Spike about their deal and say they want their title shot and soon. Spike says they’ll get it but they have to fight them for it.
After this we have the world champion Keith Scott Zimmerman. And now he’s going to rant at killjoy. And Krow. And he’s going to meet Krow in the ring tonight. And like, totally beat him like last time. He also reminds the Nihilist god what happened last time they squared off. He kinda won. And he kinda has the world title. And Krow has kinda lost two titles since then. Ouch.
Now we have Mary Lynn Mayweather walking backstage lamenting the fact that she’s the wallflower virgin that was never deflowered by the football team. And she’s also carrying all the One Eye paperwork. So that’s how he got back. Ivy shoved it to her. Way to go boss! She’s still crying about not getting laid at her prom when she doesn’t pay attention and mows someone over in the hall. And it’s a pissed off Callie Urban. What a coincidence, like Mary Lynn was just thinking about you! Callie reigns in her temper and helps pick up the files. And them Mary Lynn decides to ask her about last week. Way to wave a red flag in front of a bull, genius. Callie morphs into an Emo Ranger and tells her to shovel files. Mary Lynn gets offended and Callie calls her on her bullshit. If she wants to get laid, she’s gotta flash the goods. Mary Lynn then acts like a nine-year-old and says she will.
Straight into Alias and Karina backstage. Both are sulking and pissed. Alias just needs to HIT someone, y’all. Just HIT them. So he’s going to go tell the crowd that he needs to hit someone. He goes out and starts ranting at killjoy. He wants to hit killjoy tonight. Except killjoy responds via tron and says if he’s the rat, then Alias is the poison to fWo. And reveals that Karina’s been keeping secrets. And that Alias is going to wind up all alone. Boo hoo. killjoy’s little sermon ends and oh lookit! Callie Urban again! She tells Alias to shut up and says she wants to end their “misunderstanding” tonight. She wants to face him in the ring to work it out. Alias asks why he should if it isn’t for the title belts that the Entourage didn’t earn. Again, has nobody in the company heard of a rematch clause? Callie says that unlike killjoy and the rest of her team, she’s man enough to face him. And calls Alias and Karina out for bitching like pmsing thirteen-year-olds. She also refers to killjoy as Reverend Jones and says Lowell is headed for some laced kool-aid. Alias responds saying he’ll take both of them on, tonight, falls count anywhere. We have a slobberknocker folks!
Another match! Apparently Karina ran back up the ramp to re-enter for her match against the Flying Frenchie for the internet title. The match starts off nicely with a good amount of back and forth action. Then Frenchie totally pwns Karina with a rollup pin out of nowhere for the win. So much for that idea, Starbuck. At least Thrace actually won her fights. Looks like Karina gets to suck it.
And another match! The Entourage are coming out! Except Callie’s going to sit this one out and the King!!!!! of the Cruiserweights is wrestling with the big dummy. Spike runs down the crowd and says he’s going to sleep with all their sisters. That’s a lot of poontang man. You sure about that? Anyway, Spike says Jade is wrestling because Callie’s a dimwit that just got herself booked in a threeway. Cue the challengers! And it’s not the Legion of Dairy. It’s Grunge Warrior and James Renshaw and they’re calling themselves the Black and Blue Crew. How the hell did these two get a title shot over Legion of Dairy, Vox Nihili and Excess Impact? That makes as much sense as Mega Job getting a title shot. Cue the match and it’s another short one. The B&B guys go down like the Hindenburg.
But wait! We’re not done! Vox is out and they look like the Entourage just stole their tampons. Let’s get ready to rummmmmble! Ooops. They didn’t check the crowd and the Legion of Dairy ambushes them. Again. And again, Callie tries to stop them, my head is starting to hurt from all the dropping anvils. The Black and Blue crew get involved and things start to devolve. Not to be left out, Impulse and Xander Scott come to the rescue and we have a full on brawl. Wait a minute, there’s two more people coming out of the crowd. Who could they be? Ruben Ross finally returning with a debuting Derecho! They beat the shit out of B&B and before they can do anymore damage, security jumps on all of them like hyena’s on three week old rotting flesh. Commercial!
Back from the break, Impulse and Xander are talking backstage about being a team, being there for each other, let’s hold hands with Mr. Rogers and sing kum bah ya and make out. And apparently a squirrel helped Xander get off the treadmill of doom last week. Xander’s been sipping from the wackadoodle sippy cup again. And he kinda left the squirrel in Jade’s bag. Um, okay. Good for you Xander. Impulse will make sure you get on the short bus in one piece.
It looks like Spike is a super fast showerer, because he’s just gotten cleaned up. He runs into One Eye backstage. We have a battle of a tall Beavis and a fat Butthead. And they know each other. And talk about Saunder’s dead wife. Did Yukata have sex with her dead corpse? *8****shock!!!! They leave as buttbuddies for now. Should they meet in battle, the ring will snap in half.
Next is the threeway! Pretty sweet match that actually has some length to it. killjoy takes the brunt of the beating when Callie and Alias aren’t playing slap the whore and punt the pimp. The action spills backstage with lots of nearfalls, and leads to Alias nearly killing himself and pretty much killing Callie. Tauntings from killjoy cause him to try and kill killjoy. But it doesn’t happen, a DDT to the cement floor and all Alias can do is watch as killjoy says he’ll set big baldy free. Then he re-kills Callie. And gets the pin. Can you feel the resolution?
Hey! Brawn grew a pair! He’s taking on the man who made him look like a little bitch last week, Vince Jacobs. He’s doing it next week, on reAction. On a side note, make sure to look for Brawn looking like a total retard on his new commercial. I’ve got it uploaded on youtube.
Remember when Callie said Lowell was a Jonestown follower? He totally proves it and I think he’s already had some kool-aid. In his next sermon from the book of killjoy, he foretells of Zimmerman’s doom. There’s something strangely inspiring about his ramblings. For a cracked out loon, that is.
The main event is here! And we haven’t had to hear one word out of Krow! It’s a miracle! Another great match, lots of back and forth for both men. The two men start bitchslapping each other, and it’s like I’m in middle school all over again. The two try to cave in chest cavities and skulls and then killjoy appears. And interferes to keep Krow from braining Zimmerman with a chair. Which Zimmerman then uses to HIT.MY.Music for the pin. Okay. That was interesting. And the show’s over.
So on a side note. Who the hell runs this place? Krow must have a tape of Beaven screwing his sister, because he’s not doing a damned thing to stop Mr. Nihilsm. It’s called firing. You know, like you did to Spyder? But like I said, he must have that tape, because Beaven is a bigger pussy than Ric Chronos. And Ivy? Where are you? You at least have half a brain to try and run things while Beaven’s bent over. Oh wait, you’re too busy shoving your work on Mary Lynn and kissing your own ass. No wonder you have mafia on your show!
Stay tuned for next week’s review! And remember, you want it reviewed, you drop me a line.
http://www.thefwo.com/event.php?id=20091024
