Live report from The Celine Dion Show

BAIE-COMEAU, QUEBEC – A muted start to The Canadian Dream Tour from the Centre Henry-Leonard in Baie-Comeau tonight. Quickfire victories by Greg Venom over Johnny Hopkins, The Chameleon over Jeska and Cade Bane over Aaron Nothings preceded our two marquee matches. Dash Springfield’s debut in Just Wrestling one month ago saw him take a surprise win over Anathkash Dakari, and tonight gave Dakari the chance for revenge – with the glint of a Just Wrestling Championship shot on the horizon too. But a close-fought encounter eventually favoured Springfield, who moves to 4-1 and takes the JWC opportunity for himself.

Much has been made of The Back Alley Brawler’s $100,000 bond over the past week. Jody Monroe has pulled out all the stops to bring the Just Wrestling Champion to Canada, though there was the unwelcome news that owner Tim Shipley is “looking after” the title belt. Shipley had initially repossessed the belt when the Brawler was banned from taking it back with him by correctional officers, but has now disappeared to Australia with it as he and GCW tour the country. So we had the bizarre sight of a champion coming out without his belt, the Bronx Barbarian stripped not only of the use of one arm (his right, which has been heavily reinforced with steel rods after breaking twice in May) but of the gold reflecting his success.

Sean Edmunds is no stranger to being shorn of the same belt, having recently entered the record books for the debatable accolade of shortest run in Just Wrestling Championship history. After winning MVP for Tour X this was his chance to reclaim the belt, if not physically, and in so doing become only the second two-time holder. His strategy was infuriatingly simple, but the Brawler could do little about it – it’s quite hard to hide an arm. He has been compared to Just legend Brock Shepherd, who was famously called the One-Armed Wrecking Machine, but the fans found out there is a big difference between Shepherd’s prosthetic arm and Brawler’s disabled One Hitter Quitter: the prosthetic doesn’t feel pain.

At heart, the Brawler is a brawler; the clue is in the name. Having spent the past week acquiring the rudiments of grappling, the New Yorker fought valiantly, but ultimately was not up to the task, looking increasingly ill at ease as the contest went on, and once having to halt to vomit behind the ring steps. As we know, Joe Balboa will never say die, but Edmunds is a stalwart of this game and was never likely to pass up the chance to pounce on prey so heavily weakened. As much as the crowd hated it, the man who disowned his Canadian heritage set the 303-pounder up and impressively lifted him overhead in his patented Bridging Northern Lights Suplex. The Brawler hit hard, and was never getting up.

As he was ushered to the back, despondent, Jody Monroe emerged and was immediately set upon by Edmunds, demanding his title belt. Monroe brushed him off and announced to the crowd with perhaps even a lump in her throat that The Back Alley Brawler was clearly in no condition to continue on the tour, and would be returned to incarceration by the State of Georgia.

We never thought enforcing the law could prove so unpopular.