Ted Caldweller note: Due to the impending demise of GeoCities, E-Wrestling Torch is proud to repost some classic Schmucks material on our site. Enjoy!
Schmucks correspondant “Leaping” Lenny Harris ran into Schmucks Five-Star recipient Neil McDougall at a PAW pre-sale event recently. Here’s what the man himself had to say;
Neil McDougall. No embarassing middle names here.
How the hell are you?
Fantastic. Bit banged up from a tag match against The Dirty Pair last night, but it was a good amtch, so the bumps and bruises are worth it.
The Schmucks are buying, so what are you drinking?
Most of the time it’s just water, but if I let my proverbial hair down, I’ll never say no to a cold Irn Bru or a fresh beer. Damn, I miss Irn Bru; I get a crate shipped over from Scotland every week, as you can’t get it over here.
What was the first wrestling event you ever went to?
Summerslam ’92. A bunch of us in our dojo were wrestling mad, so to celebrate me getting 1st Dan, our Sensei hired a coach and took us to Wembley to see Bret and Bulldog tear it up. Helped me get over my dad’s death the previous October too.
What were you like at school?
I used to get needled about my height when I was young. That is, I did until I got good at Karate, and broke an older kid’s nose. No-one really messed with me then. Yeah, I got into fights, but they tended to be short. Apart from that I was academically sound.
If you weren’t a wrestler, what would you be?
I’d probably be doing full-time what I do in my spare time; music or martial arts instruction.
What’s your most treasured material possesion?
Probably my 1954 Fender Stratocaster. I bought it after I got the payoff from the show in Scotland I headlined with Eddie Drysdale. I got a substantial cut from the gate, which was, to be frank, a shitload of cash. So I went out and bought a first-run ’54 Strat. If I start earning big bucks again, my next purchases will be a ’51 Fender Broadcaster and a ’57 Les Paul.
What’s in your pockets right now?
Let’s see…mobile phone, PDA, wallet, keys for my rental, keys for the Dojo, a couple of plectrums, some loose change…the usual.
What was the last record you brought?
Blackwater Park by Opeth. So good I changed my entrance music.
Who’s the wrestler you most looked up to during your early years?
I started out more of a martial artist, so my early childhood hero was Bruce Lee.
Who was the last person you punched in a non-wrestling context, and why?
A fella called Akira Fukuhara in my last shoot match in early 1996.
What was best match you ever had?
Two Out Of Three Submissions against John Smythe at Spring Beatings 2001, but there’s some not far behind it. My matches with Spikyjim were always great too.
And the worst?
A hardcore match in SEWO where I got made to look like a fool because another wrestler had a problem with the angle I was running and went to the bookers to change the booking. My shoot match back in 1995 with Sasyu Genchiro is a match that holds bad memories for me, because Genchiro committed suicide because he lost to me.
What’s the worst injury you’ve received in your career?
I’ve remained relatively injury free over my so-far-short career, touch wood, so generally just cuts, bumps, bruises and scrapes. Well, I was in a C4 match with Joel Murphy at the start of my tenure in RAW, but the pyro was rigged to look good and not be very hot, so I only got some minor scalding there.
What’s your culinary specialty?
Well, I can whip up a mean Chilli Con Carne, and my curries are loved by many of my friends.
Have you ever been arrested?
No, but the police in Japan questioned me about the death of Sasyu Genchiro.
What’s the greatest film ever made?
I’m a huge Star Wars mark, so any of those films. Yes, even Episode 1, if only for the lightsaber fight.
What was the last film you watched and hated?
Oh, God, I dunno, but the film that always springs to mind when people talk about ‘I can’t believe I paid money to see this’ is always Street Fighter: The Movie, with Jean Claude Van Damme and Kylie Minogue. The best part of that film is, as you’d expect, Kylie’s arse. Raul Julia must have died out of shame while making it.
Briefs or Boxers?
Boxers. I like ’em swingin’, baby.
What’s your most unpleasant characteristic?
That annoying habit I have of working great matches. (grins)
Which cartoon character do you most associate yourself with?
Hmm….Hong Kong Phooey crossed with Willie from the Simpsons.
Can you recite a line of poetry?
I could recite a lyric…
In the calm of desolation,
Wanting to break,
From this circle of confusion,
In the depths of isolation,
Trying to wake,
From this daydream of illusion,
How can I feel abandoned,
Even when the world surrounds me?
How can I bite the hand,
That feeds the strangers all around me?
How can I know so many,
Never really knowing anyone?
If I seem superhuman,
I have been Misunderstood.”
Misunderstood – Dream Theater
A guitar, a cold drink and a hot, glowing set of valves in a cranked-up Marshall.
Where are you off to right now?
After this pre-sale, I’m off to the gym, then the show. Working a singles match with Dontae Wood. Should be a blast!