Ted Caldweller note: Due to the impending demise of GeoCities, E-Wrestling Torch is proud to repost some classic Schmucks material on our site. Enjoy!
The “Not” Keith SCHMUCKS Rant for IWA’s Mind Games
Well, welcome back to SchmucksVille. (Pop. Me and Xenomorph… “The Skeptic” has bailed on me rather than face the PPV’s I asked him to review, and J.J Boinker is MIA somewhere in the wilds of North Carolina) Todays’ review comes from the IWA’s August “Mind Games” Pay-Per-View. (One of the many federations that sees the WWF and former-WCW talent earn some extra dineros…) The main event is scheduled to be Triple H, The Rock and Chris Jericho. (Glad to see he’s main-eventing SOMEWHERE…)
-We are live from Kansas City, with J.R and Jerry “The King ” in one of their many moonlighting gigs… Strangley, they plug the fact that they’re taking on each other in the ring tonight. Eek.
-Kurt Angle arrives to cut a not-quite-face, not-quite-heel promo and challenge Sting to an Intercontinental Title Match. Thus pushing this PPV out to at least 15 matches… There goes the weekend.
U.S Title Tournament Semi-Final -Willam Regal vs. Al Snow
Regal hammerlocks Snow to start, Snow back-elbows and hits a forearm. Regal runs into a neckbreaker and takes a quick mudhole stomping. Criss-cross, Regal hits a clothesline. More stomping and punches, Snow reverses a snap suplex and hits an elbowdrop. (Apparently on Heads’ advice…) Snow heads up and misses a guillotine legdrop, Regal gets 2. He wins a slugfest and delivers the BLACKPOOL VIOLENCE. KNEES O’ FIRE get 2 for Regal. Snow fires back and hits a superplex for 2. Regal decks Snow and applies the Regal Stretch. Snow reaches the ropes, Regal hits a dragon suplex for 2. Regal remonstrates with the ref, Snow hits the Snow Plow for 3, then nails Regal with Head for laughs. 3/4* Just back-and-forth with no real transitions and a telgraphed and abrubt ending.
-Postmatch, JR and The King plug their match again, play-fighting this time. Smell the Buy-Rate!
U.S Title Tournament Semi-Final: Test vs Tazz
The Battle Of The four-Letter Words kicks off with a mammoth brawl. Test whips Tazz to the ropes and tries for the Big Boot. Tazz hardly has to duck to avoid it and clotheslines Test in the kneecaps to gain the upper hand. (Okay, that’s enough “Tazz is short” jokes for one review… I promise. Maybe.) He drops a leg and goes to an early energy-saving facelock. Test powers out and backdrops Tazz. Tazz slides out of a pump-handle slam, only to take a sidewalk slam trying to lock in the Tazzmission. Tests’ cover gets 2. Test gives Tazz TEN PUNCHES OF DOOM in the corner and armdrags him off the top buckle. Belly-to-forehead (Okay,I couldn’t resist that one) suplex gets 2. Top rope elbowdrop gets 2 more. Test goes for a chair, Tazz charges him, running into a stungun. The ref swipes Tests’ chair, allowing Tazz to apply the Tazzmission. Test grabs the ropes, forcing the break. Neckbreaker gets 2 for Tazz. Tazz goes for the chair, then decides to punch out the ref. Test blocks the shot and DDt’s Tazz. Tazz ducks a wild chairshot and hits a neckbreaker onto the chair for the pin. *1/4 Better, but still no classic. Then again, Test is scheduled for another match, so perhaps both men were holding back slightly.
-Time for another quick JR/King plug before Jericho arrives for a quick verbal assault on Stephanie. As usual. (Although, also as usual, he does a very thorough job of ruining Stephs “nice girl” reputation…)
JR vs Jerry “The King” Lawler (Chain Match)
Micheal Cole and Johnathon Coachman arrive to call this one. Now I’m REALLY looking forward to this one… JR charges as soon as the chain is attached, getting tripped and splashed by Lawler for 2. He wraps a fist in the chain and punches JR, who defies my prediction by blading(!) about sixty seconds into the match. Lawler chokes out Ross, who manages to respond with a swinging neckbreaker. Lawler takes ten in the corner and a backdrop off the top turnbuckle (Double “!”) for 2. Lawler blades in sympathy as Ross wraps him in a chain-assisted sleeper. He doesn’t hold it very tight, as Lawler just kind of slips out of it with relative ease. Ross DDT’s him and trusses him up with the chain. Belly-to-belly (and with JR’s belly, that’s saying something…) gets 2. Lawler shows some veteran smarts as the match becomes somewhat of a messy brawl, using some old-school chain/strap moves. Legdrop from the middle gets him a 2-count. Ross manages to whip Lawler to the ropes but is hit with a neckbreaker drop for 2. PILEDRIVER OF DOOM (Without taking down the straps) gets the 3-count for Lawler. *3/4 Not horrible or anything, but nothing I desperately needed to see either. Postmatch, Ross chairshots Lawler, triggering a pull-apart brawl.
-Cole and Coach remain at the announce position after the match. Joy. Meanwhile, The Rock arrives backstage. The crowd marks out, naturally. The Cat arrives to make the upcoming European Title match a last-man-standing affair. He also books Sting/Angle for later tonight… Geez, Foley and Miller as Co-Commissoners, Shane and Vince running the show, Y2J feuding with Trip and an Edge & Cristian/Dudleys match scheduled for the IWA Tag titles tonight… we’re really pushing the envelope here, huh?
Rob Van Dam vs Jeff Jarrett (European Championship Match)
Wacky shenanagins right off the bell as Jarrett smashes the OVERUSED GUITAR OF DEATH on RVD’s head and goes for the garbage. Is this the European title or the Hardcore Title? Or the European Hardcore Title? (Which sounds like a sick prono, quite frankly…) RVD obligingly lies around as Jarrett liberaly redecorates the ring and the surrounding area with chairs, tables and trash cans. He stands up just in time to take a diving clothesline. Jarrett whips him into a trash-can loaded turnbuckle and backdrops him on the rebound. RVD ducks two wild swings and legsweeps Jarrett onto the chair. Jarrett rises to his knees by a 6-count, RVD dropkicks him around the ring and sets up another table on the floor. The ever-present Kendo stick and fire entinguister come into play, with RVD hitting a flippy-floppy kendo stick legdrop on Jarrett. Double J eats a trash can, RVD delivers the Five-Star Frogsplash for 7. Jarrett no-sells a spinning heel kick (Like, Undertaker-calibre no-selling) and bails. RVD chases him, KO-ing him with the bell and hitting a corkscrew moonsault for 8. Deja vu strikes again as we get an exact repeat of the missed chairshot-to-neckbreaker from the Tazz/Test match from Jarrett. He hits a pescado and chair-assisted legdrop for 8. They brawl on the floor, with Jarrett hitting the Shane-O’Mac brand top rope elbow through a table. Van Dam is up at 9 and change. They duke it out with kendo sticks and chairs, with RVD blading off a chairshot. The BIG-ASS LADDER OF PREDICTABLE DOOM is brought out, Jarrett takes a leaf out of RVD’s book with a frog splash off the top. They’re both up at 9, RVD hits a Frankensteiner and nails the Van Terminator for the win and title. ** for the spotfest, but once more, too disjointed to really garner anything higher. The chronic overselling by the commentators and the wrestlers (Who BOTH do stretcher jobs!) didn’t help…
-Backstage, Foley talks to Shane. Foleys is worried about his upcoming match… against Vince? Way to make Foley look like a wimp, IWA…
Jerry Lynn vs. K-Kwik (#1 Contendership to the Cruiserweight Title)
Is it just me, or does K-Kwick sound like a radio station’s callsign? Wrestling sequence to start, with K-Kwick working a hammerlock into a Mexican Stretch. Lynn reverses the hold, K-Kwick has to grab the ropes. Lynn bodypresses Kwick off a whip, but goes to the well once too often, bodypressing the turnbuckle. K-Kwick hits an reverse Tonado DDT for 2. Lynn blocks a boot and dragon screws Kwick. Stomp on the Kwick family jewels and a legdrop get 2 for Lynn. The ref gets bumped in the corner, Kwick hits a spinning heel kick and gets an uncounted 2-and-a-bit. Tajiri to assist Kwick, followed by Eddie Guerrero to help out Lynn and probably set up a tag-match at the next IWA show… Kwick hits a moonsault on Lynn, getting 2 after reviving the ref. Tajiri and Guerrero brawl back up the aisle as Kwick puts a camel clutch on Lynn. He makes the ropes, Kwick hits a springboard dropkick as Lynn drops his head for a backdrop. I hardly have to tell you how odd THAT looked… DDT gets 2 for Kwick. Lynn ignores it, tossing Kwick out and launching a bodypress off the top to the floor. Kwick makes it back in to hit a baseball slide and springboard dropkick. Brawl on the floor time, Kwick flagrently uses the chair without getting DQ’ed. No wonder they don’t have a Hardcore match tonight… it’d be extremely unnecessary in this reporters opinion. Van Lyn-inator, they return to the ring, superplex gets 2. Lynn yells at the ref, who pushes him over. Eh? Kwick hits the “Hat-rack-crack” on Lynn for the pinfall. What the bloody hell was that bullshit finish? DUD for ruining what could have been a okay match with a pointless run-in and a bad ending.
Chyna vs Molly Holly (Womens Title Match)
In a bizzare reversal of gimmicks, Chyna is billed as “The Man-Beast”. Now THAT’s refreshingly honest… Francine sleazes her way down to ringside to join Cole and Coach on commentary as Molly throws ineffectual shoulderblocks at Chyna. Chyna clotheslines her and gives her the old “hair-biel” across the ring. She pummels Molly around the ring like a rag-doll until Molly mule-kicks her… and Chyna sells the lowblow! This is getting wierd early… Chyna continues to allow Molly the bare minimum of offense, taking a few diving clotheslines before she gorilla presses Molly for 2. Trish Stratus appears at the top of the ramp and does the Norm Smiley “Booty Dance” to entice Chyna out of the ring. Molly bodyblocks Chyna off the top rope. Francone abandopns the table to distract the ref as Trish and Molly double-team and chairshot Chyna. Mollys subsequent cover gets 2. Molly-Go-Round gets 2. Francine returns to ref-distracting duties as Molly tries another chairshot. Chyna ducks and clotheslines it into Mollys face. Trish runs in again(!), chairshotting Chyna from behind. Molly DDt’s her for 2. Chyna DDT’s Molly right back and powerbombs her for the 3-count and the title. DUD Well, if you’re going to put someone over your entire womens roster in one match, call in Chyna I suppose…
The Dudleys vs Edge and Christian (Tag Title Match)
No five-second pose as The Dudleys jumpstart the match. E & C fight back, dropkicking D-Von out as the bell rings. We end up with Christian and Bubba in the ring. Christian goes Lucha on Bubbas ass, armdragging and headscissoring him around the ring. CANADIAN VIOLENCE gets the crowd out of the Chyna-induced coma they had been in. Russian legsweep drops Bubba, D-Von lowbridges Christian on a reversed whip. He puts the boots to him like a good heel, then ties up the ref as Bubba does likewise. Edge gets involved, allowing a double-neckbreaker from the Duds as the ref chases him back to his corner. Back inside, Bubba hits a face-first suplex on Christian and tags in D-Von. Legdrop and neckbreaker and we hit the chinlock. Not for long, thankfully, so I’ll forgive D-Von for that one… He avalanches Christian in the corner and superplexes him for 2. Spinebuster and reverse DDt gets 2, Edge saves. The Dudleys double-team as the ref shoos Edge back to his corner. Wassup Headbutt scores, they go for the Dudley Device. Christian manages a Victory Roll on Bubba as D-Von practically ends up in the opposite corner as he misses the clotrhesline. It gets 2. Christian flips out of a powerbomb and mulekicks Bubba. Reverse DDt, hot tag Edge. He spears D-Von as he hits the ring and covers. Bubba drops an elbow, hitting nothing but D-Von. Edge cleans house and locks a half-crab in on D-Von. Manhattan Drop and Edge-O-Matic gets 2-and-a-bit. Northern Lights suplex and tonado DDT, Christian tags in for a double superplex. Bubba breaks the count a 2. Christain retaliates with the rverse backbreaker, then a Tiger suplex on D-Von for 2.75. Edge tags in and sets up the Impaler, D-Von shoves him back against the ropes for a cheapshot from Bubba. 3-D scores, d-Von covers for the titles as Bubba takes out Christian. *** Great match, unfortunately weak ending. But, after all the matches these four have had, I’d expect nothing less than “great”.
-Postmatch, The Dudleys “Get The Tables”. Team Canada (Benoit and Storm) make the save. Storm puts Bubba through the woodwork as D-Von tries out a crossface for size.
Mankind vs Kane vs Undertaker
Kane and Taker are in the “on” mode of their “off-on-off-on-off-on-off-on-off-on-off-on-off-on-off-on-again” relationship. This means an instant double-team beatdown for Mankind. OLD SKOOL ropewalk from Taker as Mick bumps around the ring like a rubber ball. Choke, punch, kick and that’s the story of the match for the next five minutes or so. Finally, Taker kind-of sells a DDT from Mankind, allowing the Mandible Claw on Kane. Taker saves, more double-teaming. Kane accidently takes out Taker with a flying clothesline. Mankind and Kane brawl on the floor with Kane hitting the CHOKESLAM FROM HECK! Abrubtly Taker revives and “accidently” wipes out Kane with the Big Boot. Then stomps the holy hell out of him. I guess the relationship index is now at “off” then? Taker and Kane have their usual uninteresting brawl as Mankind chills with the fans. Kane takes a chokeslam, Mankind chokes out Taker and elbowdrops him through the announce table. It get 2 in the ring before Kane drags the ref off and clotheslines him. Taker does the Zombie Situp, Kane starts chairshotting people, I scream in frustration and raid Xenomorphs beer fridge to make it through this crap. The ref revives to count 2 after Mankind hits the double-arm DDt on Kane. More brawling before Taker defies any sense of logic by chokeslamming BOTH his opponents and pinning Kane. -** Ugly. ugly, ugly match. Did I mention how ugly it was? Good.
US Title Tournament Final: Tazz vs Al Snow
Brief feeling-out process before Tazz gets the advantage with a powerslam off the lock-up. Clothesline and shoulderblock (as Tazz works Snows’ knees… Damn it, enough short jokes already!) Nothern lights suplex gets 2. Belly-to-belly sends Snow to the floor, Tazz risks Snows career by hitting a relaese German suplex INTO the guardrail. Ouch! Back inside, Tazz works the arm and gets 2 off the Tazzplax. Snow tries a Victory Roll and gets a Queen Suplex instead. It gets 2 for Tazz. Top rope belly-to-belly is reversed by Snow, landing heavily on Tazz. Slugfest, Snow hits a tonado DDT and sit-out spinebuster for 2. Missile dropkick sends Tazz to the outside, Snow nails an Asai moonsault. Back inside, Snow misses a top rope legdrop, Tazz applies the tazzmission. Snow mulekicks his way out and hits the Snow Plow for the title. *3/4 Solid, if too short. They couldn’t have clipped the Taker/Kane/Mankind Festival of No-Selling and given this match a little more time to develop? Postmatch, Tazz puts Snow back in the Tazzmission, then busts him open with a chair.
Kurt Angle vs Sting (Intercontinental Title Match)
Sting is back to his “Non-PC” trenchcoat and rappelling belt entrance. Some actual wrestling to begin with both men trading headscissors and headlocks. Chopfest breaks out, Angle works Stings neck with a cobra clutch. Sting floats out of a throw, landing on his feet and hitting a fluid legsweep. Legdrop, airplane-spin-to-neckbreaker (YES!) and piledriver gets 2 for Sting. He misses a boot, Angle spears him. Running DDT and underhook suplex from Angle, followed by a sweet sequence as they switch through suplex variation setups. Angle comes out on top with an unreal spinning overhead belly-to-belly. His usual awesome-looking moonsault gets 2. (Have I mentioned recently that Angle posses the best-looking moonsault in wrestling today? Just don’t tell Bob Holly I said that…) Sit down Tiger driver from Angle, no cover. Sting reverses a whip but misses the Stinger Splash. Angle goes for the Angle Slam, Sting slips out, legsweeps Angle and locks in the Scorpion Deathlock for the submission to retain. ***3/4 Startlingly good match with both men getting a chance to showcase their skills. Short, but perfectly formed. Kind of like me…
-Backstage, Steph and Triple H watch the PPV and chat. Back at ringside, JR and The King return to the commentary position…
Team Canada (Lance Storm, Chris Benoit & Test) vs The Voice of Reason (Tommy Dreamer, Steven Richards & Raven) (Elimination Tag Team Table Match)
Team Canada cuts a promo pre-match… Storm beats the odds by NOT getting cut off mid-sentence… it’s GOOD to be a face! Raven grabs a chair and comes in swinging, but is clotheslined out by Benoit. Dreamer is a little more cautious, leading off for his team against Benoit. Dreamer slams Benoit off a criss-cross and legdrops him. Benoit lands on his feet after an attempted armdrag and clotheslines Dreamer, then drags him away from the outstretched hands of Richards and Raven. Benoit works the leg briefly, then heads topside for the swandive. Raven hooks the leg and crotches him on the buckle. He’s able to fight off Dreamers attempt at a superplex, then misses the headbutt anyway. Richards tags in, double flapjack for Benoit. He reverses a whip, catching Richards in a backbreaker and tries for the Crossface. Richards squirms out and DDT’s Benoit as the Canadian tries for a backdrop. Hot tags to Test and Raven, Raven hits the buckle on a blind charge, resulting in a double team from Storm and Benoit. Test avalanches him, but misses the big boot. Raven hits a backdrop and elbow and we have another crawl race, even though either man hardly took enough punishment to justify it. Richards tags back in, Test ducks a superkick and clotheslines him. Warm-ish tag to Storm, who hits a Tiger suplex, then rolls out of the ring for a table. Test tosses Richards out, he charges Storm and gets backdropped onto the stairs in a dangerous (and possibly blown) spot. The impossible-to-recap six-man brawl breaks out (With Benoit and Dreamer ending up in the fans) as Storm sets up the table and elbowdrops Richards through it. Lots of stuff happens, but it’s all rather confused. Test brawls with Raven as Storm sets up table #2 in the ring. Test goes upstairs, only to put himself through the woodwork as Raven rolls clear. More brawling, with Storm blading from a ringbell shot. The Hardcore Garbage comes out again as Team Canada start putting their respective submission moves on Richards and Raven. Eventually, Dreamer evens the sides by powerbombing Benoit through a table. A few more minutes of eye-blurring brawling later sees Storm go out courtesy of a Dreamer backdrop. This is normally the stage in this sort of match where the ring is clear enough to start recapping the match properly… however, since neither Benoit, Richards or Storm have left the area, the six-man brawl continues unabated. Thus negating the “Elimination” part of the elimination match . Then, because a six-man match isn’t hard enough to call, THREE MORE MEN RUN-IN!!! It’s Kane and the Dudleys. Mass slugfest breaks out, with Test pinning Raven mid-match (With Trish not-quite-wearing a refs’ shirt counting the pin) to claim the Hardcore title. Francine ALSO runs-in in a refs shirt, triggering a catfight. Shoot me. Shoot me now. If anyone cares, Test finally eliminates both Dreamer and Raven with powerbombs. -** Words can not describe how much I enjoyed that last match. Unless the words are “Not a lot”. Post-match, Raven and Test have an impromptu match with Raven winning the Hardcore title back after an Evenflow. Doesn’t the words “ENOUGH” mean anything to these people?
Tajiri vs. Eddie Guerrero (Cruiserweght Title Match)
Before the match, Tajiri accepts a challenge from Eddie to make the match 2-out-of-3 fall, with the 3rd fall being no-DQ. Or something like that. Eddie is using his old “Latino Heat” music here… Tajiri snaps off two kicks, getting Eddie in both the front and back of his melon. Missile dropkick and headscissors, Tajiri hits a backflip kick in the corner as the match goes into overdrive right off the bat. Standing moonsault gets 2. Standing dropkick and a beautiful springboard legdrop gets 2 more. He dropkicks Eddie onto the bottom rope and gives him a Bronco buster variation. Eddie ducks a spinning heel kick and bodyblocks for 2. Eddie locks in the Mexican Stretch, Tajiri rolls over to reverse it, then switches it into the Mexican Surfboard. Eddie manages to release the hold, slugfest time. Another spinning heel kick floors Tajiri, frog splash, Eddie takes the first fall. That was… abrubt.
Eddie helps Tajiri back to his feet and allows him to rest before the second fall. Unexpected sportsmanship rules! Tajiri comes out kicking once more, DDT gets 2. He misses a legdrop, Eddie hits a suplex and a second frog splash. Tajiri gets his foot on the ropes at 2. Nice pyschology! Eddie hits a brainbuster (possibly as a wink to Chavo…) and sets up a superplex. Tajiri shoves him to the mat and lands a senton bomb for 2. Tajiri argues the count, then KO’s the ref to drive home the point. Eddie backdrops Tajiri and hits a slingshot splash. No ref, so Eddie wakes him up. Rather too easily, he does so. Way to sell, ref! A rapidly-bcoming overused spinning heel kick drops Eddie, Tajiri chokes him util the ref intervenes. Eddie reverses a whip and powerbombs.. BUT YOU CAN’T.. well, you know. Hurricanarana from Tajiri, anyway. For 2. Tajri locks in the Tarantula, Eddie submits. Despite the whole gimmick about the Tarantula being the fact you can’t get a submission, as he’s in the ropes and all… oh, whatever.
Third fall, no DQ. Tajiri immediately slides to the floor. why? He’s HARDCORRRRE! He goes Bruce Lee on Eddies ass with a kendo stick and a pair of nun-chucks. (As well as a very-non traditional garbage can!) He gets 2 off a choke drop.. and then it happens. Wild-chair-swing-leads-to-neckbreaker-by-Eddie. Apart from the fact that Eddie missed the neckbreaker, this is the THIRD time that exact same spot has been used tonight! (Unless they were pointing out the fact that Tajiri had the move scouted after the previous matches…) Tornado DDT gets 2. Punches start a’flying as Elix Skipper saunters down the aisle with a chair. He chairshots Tajiri, Eddie covers for 2. Enter Spike Dudley to brawl with Skipper and Eddie. Enter Jerry Lynn to attack Spike. Enter K-Kwick to attack skipper, prompting Jim Ross to yell “What’s going on?” I second that emotion, JR. All fucking hell breaks loose until Eddie pins Tajiri after a Samurai Driver from Elix. ** Now, was that shitstorm Interference Invitational REALLY necessary? I vote no…
-We cut to a local bar to witness semi-drunken shenanagins from Austin and Booker T, who appears to be taking a brief nap. Or quite possibly imitating Scott Hall…
Shane McMahon vs DDP (Cage Match)
DDP charges Shane from the get-go and it’s suddenly a Everything Must Go Clothesline sale. Shane finally avoids one, but gets a snapmare of sorts as he attempts a bulldog. Blind spear misses Page by a mile, Shane eats the cage. Page returns to his clothesline-dominated offense, throwing in a superplex as well. Shane blocks the Diamond Cutter and backdrops Page into the cage. Punches abound until Page goes to the crowd-pleasing EXTENDED HEADLOCK OF DOOM! Literaly four minutes pass before Shane starts his comeback, killing the crowd stone dead. Shane escapes and hits a clothesline (Yes! More clotheslines!) Second-rope elbowdrop from Shane-O, they reverse whips for a while, before Shane DDT’s Page. Shane climbs to the top of the cage, Page persues and armdrags him off to the mat. Yowch! Page climbs, Shane chases him up and we get a protracted slugfest in the VERY high-rent district. Shane finally lowblows DDP and shoves him back to the canvas. Shane takes his usual Stunt Bump a few moments later, falling back into the ring due to “dizzyness”. (I was expecting a Shane-O-Mac Elbow, but there you go…) Loooong selling period (Longer than the headlock!) before Shane regains his feet. And the Clothesline Sale begins anew… The Cat runs-in, KO-ing the ref and stealing the key for the cage. He brings in the chair to make it a two-on-one on Page. They basically destroy Page (Like Taker and Kane haven’t done enough of THAT in the last few months.) with a double superplex and a Wiggly Elbow before Shane climbs out easily for the win. DUD What the hell did Page do this time? Piss in Vinces’ Perrier?
Mick Foley (w/Linda) vs Vince McMahon (w/Steph)
Foley has GOT to stop signing for feds that make him wrestle as both himself, Mankind, Cactus etc… And directly after Shanes’ match, there’s no less than THREE McMahons involved in this one… (Since when did McMahons=Ratings?) Vince gets a slap in, promping Mick to pummel him into the corner. Vince bails, Mick drags him back in and suplexes him. Vince dumps Foley out after a blind charge. The Hardcore Crap comes out as they brawl on the floor. Assorted trash shots get 2 for Vince. They pull the “Handcuff Foley and Chairshot The Crap out of him” spot as Linda fights with Steph for the key. A brief (and insanely pointless) Mom/Daughter slapfight later, Mick is released, and out comes the barb-wire 2×4. The scintillating originality is just breathtaking… sarcasm? What sarcasm? Linda gets a 2×4 shot in on Vince. Enter the bag of thumbtacks. More brawling, a bright spot in a top-rope DDT from Foley before Steph KO’s the ref and Linda does a SWERVE by attacking Mick with a chair. Vince wins with a McStunner to hand Mick yet another pink slip. Overbooked fifteen minute schmozz, with every spot lifted verbatim from Foleys feud with Triple H in the WWF. They couldn’t have been going through the paces more if they’d been line-dancing. DUD
-Postmatch, Shawn Micheals arrives to swipe Foleys commisioner badge. Whatever.
The Rock vs Triple H (w/Linda and Steph) vs Chris Jericho (IWA Title Match)
Good Lord, MORE McMahon presence at ringside… Enough already! Trip brings the sledge to ringside, so Rocky and Jericho doubleteam him. Smart move. The Rock suplexes him, only to get a dropkick from Jericho. Neckbreaker, Triple H rams Jericho into the corner and hits a corckscrew brainbuster. Okay, that was impressive. Trip risks the ire of Vince by piledriving The Rock. Jericho goes for a bulldog, leading to a horribly blown sequence before Triple H clotheslines him. Triple H gets 2 on the Rock after a powerslam. Jericho immediately jawjacks Trip and locks a sleeper on The Rocks. Triple H breaks it up in short order and tosses The Rock out to the floor. Brief mini-match ensues, with Jericho taking a superplex for 2. Rocky hooks Triple H’s ankle from the floor and works over his leg. Back inside, he sends Jericho flying with the SPIT-LADEN FIST OF DEATH. Triple H lowblows the Rock before he (Or the match for that matter) can get into anything resembling a rythym. Another ugly sequence sees Rocky take another trip to the floor. Jericho bodyblocks Triple H on the floor, leading to a spectacularly ugly brawl into the crowd. They head for the staging area to repeat the usual spots. (Camera Boom Shot, Whip into the TitanTron, Choking With TV Cables…) Jericho blades as the match is literly disintegrting before my eyes. Back inside, Jericho adds to his ever-growing talley of Horribly Blown Spots as he powerbombs The Rock INTO THE ROPES! Way to protect the companies top face, Chris. Triple H hits Jericho with the sledge. It gets 2. Well, that makes as much sense as anything else, I suppose. Rock chairshots Triple H to save Jericho from The Pedigree, then legdrops Jericho for 2. Triple H pulls Rocky off at 2, they brawl, upping the “Get Real” factor as Trip literaly climbs the turnbuckles to allow Rocky to backdrop him off. It gets 2. Jericho rises to lock in the Walls on Triple H. Jericho recovers and applies the Walls on Triple H. The Rock saves Trip with a clothesline and puts Jericho in the Sharpshooter. Jericho makes the ropes, Triple H catches Rocky as he releases the hold and hits the Pedigree. Jericho saves at 2. Back to the floor we go. (With the referee seemingly unsure as whether to count the wrestlers out or not. That’s a bad sign when even the ref looks lost.) Trip gets a face crusher on the ramp, Jericho tosses him off the stage and elbowdrops him. Trip blades, of course, but basically no-sells the entire sequence. That thud you heard was Jericho hitting the Glass Ceiling at full speed. Trip sets up a table and puts Jericho through it. Badly. They brawl out to a parked car(?) which Tiple H dumps Jericho on. Before finding his own car(???? Who the hell parks their car in the backstage area?) and tries to run down Jericho. Horrifically ugly sequence (Even by the already low standards of the match so far) as Jericho and Triple H fight in the car, then head spontaneously for the locker room to fight in the shower. (Pat Pattersons’ booking this crap?) Another unlikely transition sees a soggy Triple H Pedigree Jericho through a bench. Trip leaves him lying and returns to a refreshed (and fortunately, not paralysed Rock) He “Just Brings It”, walking into a spinebuster. The Peoples Elbow misses, Trip lowblows as a Masked Man runs-in. Trip chairshots and unmasks him. It’s… Jericho. Looking up “Redundant” in the dictonary will probably reveal a screen capture of THAT revalation for years to come. Triple H chairshots Jericho again and covers. At 2, Stephanie drags the ref out of the ring. Vince gets in Stephs face, she slaps him. (And PLEASE don’t write asking where Vince came from… maybe he turned up during Trip and Jerichos’ Tour de Locker Room, because he wasn’t around during the intros…) Triple H yells at Steph, Jericho decks him and applies the Walls again. Rocky hits Jericho with the Rock Bottom to (Finally) end things and retain. Postmatch, Jericho and Steph share a tender moment. -**** In trying to pre-empt the WWF’s storylines, they effectivly killed their main event. And it died a horrible, painful death.
The Bottom Line: Potential reared it’s head during some of the matches… usually the shorter ones, oddly enough. (With Sting/Angle a true diamond in the rough) If a few matches had been curtailed *COUGHCOUGHddpundersellermcmahonsthetagteamfiascoCOUGHCOUGH* they could have developed into something special. As it was, rampant excess in booking and WAY too many inane run-ins sunk this one like the Titanic… with the McMahons playing the Iceberg…
Strong recommendation to avoid