Vinegar: Welcome to Infinity!
Covert Jay: Huttah!
Lieberjosch: Tonight is the night that the UGWC year truly kicks off, we are at Infinity, the home of the Global Challenge!
Vinegar: The winner of the Global Challenge tonight faces the World Heavyweight Champion in April at No Holds Barred, that championship is on the line as well tonight in our main event, as ‘Vain’ Alan Wallace defends against Travis Roberts in a Last Man Standing Match, but we begin with the Global Challenge qualifying round!
Entrance: Metallica’s glorious masterpiece “Sad But True” hits, with guitars tuned low enough to melt your goddamn speakers. As the audience roars their appreciation, >\/< emerges from behind the curtain to stand on the stage. He lights up a cigarette, tossing the Bic lighter into the crowd.
He stands on the stage as the song blares, the crowd roaring along with the lyrics. He looks around at them with an appreciative snarl, smoking his cigarette, then pulls a bottle of Chadweiser out of…well, seemingly nowhere. He cracks it open, tossing the cap carelessly over his shoulder, and holds it up to the crowd in a silent “L’chaim” before chugging all twelve fluid ounces down with the kind of ease that comes from a whole hell of a lot of practice. The now-empty bottle reaches the same fate as the cap, tossed carelessly over his shoulder, and he finally begins to make his way slowly down the entrance ramp towards the ring. He takes his time, smoking and roaring lyrics along with members of the crowd, occasionally getting face-to-face with someone to do so, especially during the “I’m your hate” lyric which is a whole fuck of a lot of fun to roar at some bitch. He stops at the base of the ramp as if to collect himself, drops the cigarette butt and grinds it out on the floor under the heel of his boot. He rolls under the bottom rope into the ring, stands, and then pounds a fist to his chest.
Dennis: The following is the Global Challenge Qualifying Match! Introducing first, the Devil’s Most Feared, KLAUS VONNNNN KNOOOOORRRRRRREEEEEEE!!!!
Vinegar: KvK making his return to competition here tonight in the Global Challenge, and let’s refresh our fans on the rules for this qualifying round.
Covert Jay: Eight participants enter in random pairs every two minutes, the first four people to record a fall by either pinfall or submission advance to the next round, but if you get pinned or submit, you are eliminated!
The arena lights dim, and the opening of Divine begins to play. Pyro explodes down the sides of the ride to the ring in a cascading fashion and Dredd walks out onto the stage. A single spotlight illuminates him as he walks to the ring. As Dredd reaches the ring, a single large explosion of ringpost pyro goes off and the arena lights return to normal.
Dennis: Now making his way to the ring, The Monster, DRREEEDDDDDDDDD!!!!
Lieberjosch: Dredd has left a trail of destruction in his wake since his return late last year, and in particular over the last few weeks, he could prove very dangerous in this tournament.
Vinegar: KvK and Dredd, set to begin the 2016 Global Challenge.
Vinegar: KvK goes right for the larger man, attacking with a series of elbow strikes, vonKnorre pauses for a hip wiggle, and Dredd cracks him in the face with a straight right punch.
Lieberjosch: Klaus floored, tries to get right back to his feet, but Dredd grabs him and hurls him into the corner, charges in with a splash, and now Dredd just stomps Klaus down in the corner.
Vinegar: Dredd backs away, charges in with a knee, but KvK rolls out of the ring, Dredd slams his knee into the turnbuckle.
Covert Jay: Dredd stumbling back across the ring as Klaus slides back into the ring, knocks Dredd down with a dropkick, quick lateral press!
Vinegar: Dredd powers right out.
Lieberjosch: Klaus pulls Dredd up in a waistlock, Dredd knocks him off with an elbow, Klaus ducks under a clothesline, waistlock again and now a release German!
Covert Jay: BUZZZZZZZZ!!!!
Dennis: Now joining the match, GABRIEL BAAL and the Indestructible ICCCHHAABBOODDDDDD!!!!
Vinegar: Ichabod slides into the ring, ducks under a clothesline from KvK, comes off the ropes and knocks Klaus down with a spinning heel kick!
Lieberjosch: Roundhouse kick knocks down Dredd, Ichabod turns around just as Baal springboards off the ropes and connects with the Freudian Slip!
Vinegar: Stiff kick connects to the head of Ichabod, and Baal drops on for the cover!
Vinegar: Ichabod kicks out!
Lieberjosch: This is the strategy you need in this qualifying round, nothing fancy about it, you look for an opening to score a fall and you get to the back, you’re planning on having another two matches tonight, you need to keep as much in the tank for them as you can.
Vinegar: Snap suplex on KvK by Baal, now he grabs Ichabod for a belly to belly variant.
Covert Jay: STO attempted on Dredd, but the Monster blocks it, shoves Baal down to the mat.
Vinegar: Boot to the face of Ichabod sends him through the ropes to the outside, Baal to his feet but gets clotheslined out as well.
Covert Jay: BUZZZZZZZZ!!!!!
Dennis: Now joining the match, COLTON CUTTER and DIRRRRGGEEEE!!!!
Vinegar: Cutter rushes down the ramp into the ring.
Covert Jay: GOOZLE!
Lieberjosch: Dredd lifts Cutter right into the Broken Sphere!
Vinegar: There’s a cover!
Dennis: Dredd has advanced! Colton Cutter is eliminated!
Lieberjosch: That was impressive, if not unsurprising.
Covert Jay: Dirge hasn’t even hoboed his way down the ramp yet.
Vinegar: Brief staredown between Dirge and Dredd as they cross paths on the ramp
Lieberjosch: Dirge climbing into the ring, Klaus there to greet him, and the two begin to brawl.
Vinegar: Ichabod takes down Baal on the outside with a Lou Thesz Press, pounds away with right hands.
Lieberjosch: Dirge pulls Klaus into a short arm lariat, gets tripped up as Ichabod reaches through the ropes and grabs his leg, and Ichbaod pulls him out to ringside and stomps down on him.
Vinegar: KvK out to the apron, Baal and Dirge both getting back up around Ichabod, but Klaus with the Stage Dive, splashes all three of them!
Lieberjosch: Klaus back to his feet, rolls into the ring, as it is time for our final two entrants!
Covert Jay: BUZZZZZZZZZ!!!!
Dennis: Now joining the match, DONOVAN HASTINGS and…..HARLEY ADDDDDAAMMMMMSSSSS!!!!
Vinegar: Klaus can’t believe it, but here comes Harley Addams!
Covert Jay: She’s back!
Vinegar: Harley slides in, but runs right into a scoop as Klaus picks up Harley and powerslams her hard into the mat.
Lieberjosch: Oh my god, did you see how hard he slammed her down?
Vinegar: Maybe he wasn’t happy to see her afterall. Some people don’t like surprises.
Lieberjosch: Klaus, not liking surprises?
Vinegar: By how hard the ring shook, I’d say no.
Covert Jay: She’s coughing pretty hard, maybe she’s injured. So much for THAT comeback.
Lieberjosch: So much for THAT romance.
Lieberjosch: She’s not coughing you idiot, she’s laughing! See, he’s smiling back at her.
Vinegar: Did you guys hear her say ‘do it again, do it again’?
Covert Jay: Deranged, I love it! WELCOME HOME, HARLEY!
Lieberjosch: Those two are sickeningly cute together.
Covert Jay: Awww.. you’re a romantic after all. And right before Valentine’s Day!
Lieberjosch: Stick to the script ninja boy.
Vinegar: Ichabod back into the ring, backflip kick connects on KvK, pops back to his feet and catches Addams with a kick to the gut!
Lieberjosch: BITCH THUMP!
Covert Jay: Dirge drills Ichabod in the back with the Spinebreaker!
Lieberjosch: And now Dirge rips Ichabod right off the mat and into History Made!
Vinegar: Dirge with a cover!
Dennis: Dirge advances in the Global Challenge! Ichabod has been eliminated!
Vinegar: Hastings slides into the ring and pulls KvK into an inside cradle!
Vinegar: Klaus kicks out!
Lieberjosch: Hastings took his time on his way out here, saw an opening and took it, he is a veteran of these matches.
Vinegar: Both men to their feet, KvK sends Hastings into the ropes, but he holds onto them and stands his ground, KvK charges and Hastings backdrops him to the outside!
Covert Jay: He turns around right into Spittin’ Diamonds!
Vinegar: Baal lying in wait on the outside, he grabs KvK and whips him right into the steel steps, the impact echoing through the arena!
Lieberjosch: Addams sends Hastings off the ropes and catches him on the return in the Whirlygig!
Vinegar: She’s got the cover!
THR-BAAL BREAKS IT UP!!!
Vinegar: Baal broke up the cover!
Lieberjosch: That’s strategy at this point in this match, smart strategy. Only two spots are left, and if you let somebody else grab one, that’s one less spot available for you. Baal just kept his options open.
Vinegar: Baal shoves Addams away, covers Hastings with a lateral press of his own.
Vinegar: Addams breaks up this cover, returns the favor.
Lieberjosch: Harley pulls him up, looking for the Lunaflip, but Baal breaks out of it, counters positions and hits the Seventh Circle!
Covert Jay: Pinning with a bridge!
Dennis: Gabriel Baal advances! Harley Addams is eliminated!
Vinegar: One spot remains, and it will go to either Klaus vonKnorre or Donovan Hastings!
Lieberjosch: Klaus coming back into the ring now, he looks annoyed, Hastings stumbling back to his feet.
Vinegar: A series of elbow strikes by KvK, but Hastings catches him with a kick to the chest, drops him with a Facebreaker DDT, and both men are down!
Lieberjosch: Klaus has been in there from the beginning, Hastings did just take those high impact moves from Harley, whichever of these two survives could still have another two matches left here tonight!
Vinegar: Hastings rolls over, lays an arm across KvK!
Vinegar: KvK kicks out!
Covert Jay: Klaus rolls to the corner and uses the turnbuckle to pull himself up, Hastings to his feet, he charges and leaps at Klaus, but Klaus catches him in a powerbomb position!
Lieberjosch: Hastings is shaking his head no, but Klaus takes a few steps out of the corner, turns and powerbombs Hastings right into the turnbuckle!
Vinegar: KvK drags Hastings by the leg out of the corner and to the center of the ring, and he covers and hooks the leg!
Vinegar: Hastings gets the shoulder up!
Lieberjosch: Klaus to his feet, he pulls Hastings up, looking for the Lullaby, but Hastings floats off, lands on his feet!
Covert Jay: DESTINY’S CALL!!!!
Vinegar: Hastings hits it, and he drops on Klaus for the cover!
Dennis: Here is your final qualifier, DONOVAN HASTINGS!!!!!
Vinegar: Hastings advances!
Covert Jay: And based on the order that they qualified, our semi-finals later tonight will see Dirge facing Gabriel Baal, and an old rivalry renewed when Donovan Hastings takes on ‘The Monster’ Dredd!
Vinegar: That’s later tonight, but our Jazz Funeral Casket Match for the Cross-Hemisphere Championship is next!
KvK – 6.07
Harley – 5.76
Ichabod – 4.75
Mitchell Dennis: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following is a New Orleans Jazz Funeral Casket Match. The winner will be the first man who can place his opponent into a casket and close it!
Covert Jay: Not much different from a traditional casket match.
Lieberjosch: Except that when it’s done, there’s going to be a musical celebration.
Vinegar: So… yeah, much like a regular casket match.
Dennis: Introducing first, from Gas, Kansas, weighing in at 17 stones and standing 193 centimeters, HOLDENNNNN ORSSSSSSSON!!!
Vinegar: Orson has had a lot to say about Killian King since his re-emergence this year.
Lieberjosch: And every word of it is true.
Vinegar: King celebrated the end of 2015 as UGWC’s Breakout Star, and becoming the first ever EP to attain Grand Slam status in the space of one calender year.
Lieberjosch: But Orson makes a very good point; most of those victories came after a lengthy sabbatical followed by a fortuitous ‘why not’ chance at a title, or, in the case of the UGWC World Heavyweight Championship, the match was less about King earning his shot, and more about settling the conflict within the Syndicate.
Covert Jay: We’re not used to getting entrances from Holden Orson, I wonder what he has in store?
Holden has walked out onto the ramp, green parasol over his shoulder, and leading an alligator on a leash, which seems appropriate. From behind him, a 10 piece band takes the stage. The collection of instruments is eclectic, to say the least. Xylophone, theremin, balalaika, glass armonica, Jew’s harp, hydraulophone, didgeridoo, Alpine horn, hang drum, and spoons. Holden makes a signal, and the lights dim as a multicolored, several-tiered LED chandelier lowers over the ring, and he takes a huge draw from his electronic cigarette. The cloud he exhales envelopes the whole ramp area as Holden and the band begin the funeral march to the ring as they play “Nearer my God to Thee.”
Vinegar: Well, at least he cared enough to use a traditional Jazz Funeral dirge.
Covert Jay: I just hope he’s not providing the soundtrack to his own funeral… calling out Killian King was a ballsy move.
As he walks down the ramp, following in his wake, the sections of the crowd he passes hold up candles inside Japanese lanterns, creating an illuminating effect that follows Holden as he leads the march past the casket at the bottom of the ramp and around the ring, ‘condensating’ the entire time to keep the misty ambiance going.
Lieberjosch: One thing you can say for Holden Orson, as deluded as his fashion sense may be, the man isn’t afraid to speak the truth, and he isn’t afraid to challenge this company’s most successful stars.
Vinegar: They say if you want to prove you’re not to be messed with, knock out the biggest, baddest dog in the yard, and Holden hopes to do that tonight.
As Holden enters the ring, the chandelier rises back up into the rafters and the band continues their dirge as they march up the ramp once more. Holden raises a fist holding his e-cig in the air, and the fans release the lanterns, which float on the heat rising from the candles to float eerily up to the roof of the arena like souls returning to Heaven. Finally, the lights come back up.
Dennis: And his opponent… weighting in at 19 Stones and standing at 198.5 Centimeters. Hailing from Harrogate England, he is the reigning UGWC Cross-Hemisphere Champion!!! Ladiesssssss and Gentlemen… this… is… KILLLLLLLLIANNNN KINNNNNNG!!!
Vinegar: You simply can’t deny that this man is everything that he appears to be. The Breakout Super Star of 2015, Her Majesty’s Most Beloved Grappler… The Fastest Grand Slam Champion in History!!! Lastly correct me if I’m wrong here, but were you not just a few short months ago the biggest Killian King fan ever?
Lieberjosch: And how the mighty have fallen… Vinegar, oh how they have fallen.
Vinegar: It’s my personal opinion to agree a bit more with the reigning on this one, and say that it honestly looks more like Holden is simply throwing a temper tantrum because he can’t have his way.
Lieberjosch: How dare you say such things about such a great man
Covert Jay: Who turned the lights back out?!?!
The sounds of a vintage New Orleans Jazz band begin to fill the arena in the darkness before a spot light shine slight on the area above the UGWC-Tron, which now looks like a balcony found above Bourbon Street. The area high above the stage features a plethora of girls in all stages of undress wearing mostly just body paint and tail feathers as well as a live Jazz band. A woman in skin tight mermaid dress grasps the stand of a classic looking microphone as she belts the lyric of The White Stripes “Seven Nation Army” into it.
Vinegar: And as always Killian gives his fans an over the top answer!!!
Covert Jay: Hot Damn! Dancing girls!!!
The Lights keep to a dull glow like something out of smoke filled speak easy during the probation days. Slowly one by one and in single file two lines of carnival dressed girls adorned in feathers, masks and corsets begin to make their way down the opposite sides of the ramps as the fans begin to lose their minds.
Lieberjosch: Honestly I expected more from The Self Proclaimed “England’s Greatest Export”…
The lights suddenly drop back to darkness as scenes of New Orleans streets play through the background as the edges of the entrance-way glow purple and spot lights beam in all directions. An explosion of white engulfs the entrance stage as green, gold, and purple confetti rains from the rafters of the building into the crowds. Everyone in such shock that they almost hadn’t notice that the corsets were now gone and all the girls in dress were covered only body paint airbrushed in the image of one Killian King across their breast and stomachs. All the girls still gyrating now look toward the entrance way.
A wall of white flashing strobes marks the entry point as smoke begins to billow out and immerse the stage, through the smoke something massive and black begins to rise up from the depth of the stage. What appears to be a massive black skull materializes through the dense vapor.
Covert Jay: Barron Samedi!!!
Slowly as the mist begins to trail off the skull slowly begins to turn around revealing a large purple velvet covered throne carved into the rear of the skull, with that of the man who sits in it currently, his leg resting up on the side of like a scene stolen straight from Jareth in Labyrinth. Slowly Killian stands with two hands full of Mardi Gra beads, and a smirk on his face. Already in his ring attire, with the addition of a black, knee-length, long coat Killian pauses at the top of the ramp, his eyes searching through the crowd before a coy smile plays across his lips. He begins tossing beads into the crowd to the adoration of his fans before walking down the ramp. Various women through out the audience liffting up their shirts and flashing the reigning Cross-Hemisphere Champion, causing the crowd to lose their minds. Killian slides into the ring, and walks to his corner, chants of “This…Is…Proper!” shouted toward his opponent.
Vinegar: Annnnnd the champ makes his entrance..
Covert Jay: And it was the best entrance ever!!!!
As Killian removes his coat and hands the ref his championship belt. The lights return to normal.
Killian and Holden are center ring, face to face, locking one another with a palpable intensity. The crowd is already getting hyped as one of the most heated feuds of the year so far is about to commence for the Cross Hemisphere Championship!!
Covert Jay: The only rule is that you have to win by shutting your opponent in the casket, so this is almost certainly going to turn into a war of attrition!
Orson and King jawing back and forth now, spit is flying as their yelling intensifies, until finally Holden shoves King back, and we’re underway!
King bounces the ropes and returns for a massive clothesline, but Holden was ready, and he ducks out of the way, turning to grab King by the shoulders and slamming the big man off his feet. Killian, in a seated position, becomes the victim of several downward punches to the crown, before Holden drives a knee into his face!
Orson wastes no time, but rolls out of the ring.
Lieberjosch: Success seemed to have eluded Holden in 2015, but a win tonight could place him in the ranks of former Cross Hemisphere Champions, an honor which has defined the careers of many legendary Entertainment Professionals.
Vinegar: On the other hand, if Killian can defend that title, it will silence the supporters of Holden Orson’s claims that he’s a fluke champion.
Covert Jay: Hey guys, what did Holden do with that alligator he brought out here?
Holden is running around the ring and snatching up chairs, microphones, cameras, food from fans, Covert Jay’s towel–
Covert Jay: Hey!
–and random other items and debris he can find at ringside and tossing it all at Killian in the ring. He’s not just throwingit randomly into the ring, he’s trying to hit Killian each time, and more than a few items have to be deflected as King climbs to his feet.
Vinegar: Orson making sure right away that everyone gets their money’s worth.
Orson slides back into the ring, but Killian hops over a camera to drive both boots into Orson’s back, then begins a series of stomps to keep him down. He grabs the string on the back of Holden’s mask and uses it to lit his head up, then viciously stomps it back down. King lifts Holden back to his feet, then whips him hard enough to send him back over the top rope!
King follows Holden out of the ring, lifting him up again to whip him into the steel steps. WIth that, he lifts Holden back up, then rolls him up onto the apron, leaving his chest and head hanging out as he pushes the rest of him back into the ring. King wraps his head up, and executes a hanging neckbreaker!
Covert Jay: King picks Holden up into a fireman’s carry and begins to make his way to the casket!
As he passes the ring post, Holden reaches out and grabs the turnbuckle! He wraps his legs around Killian’s neck and squeezes with a sort of modified elevated headscissors. He clings onto the turnbuckle as he continues to try to choke Killian out with his legs.
Lieberjosch: As you should know, Orson is a master of submissions that involve his powerful quadriceps, using a nearly inescapable armbar in conjunction that he calls White. We haven’t seen much of that move, but Ichabod has told me it’s one of the most painful things he’s ever felt.
Vinegar: Ichabod talks to you?
Lieberjosch: Sure, why not?
Vinegar: You just don’t seem like the type of guy he’d hang around with.
Lieberjosch: What, Holden seems like more his speed?
Killian starting to waiver, and Holden suddenly releases and kicks King toward the basket as he releases and comes down into a crouch. He watches Killian stumble into the casket, then rushes in to wrap him up with an overhead suplex back toward the ring! It’s Holden’s turn to slide Killian into the ring, and he follows him in, going for a folding chair!
Vinegar: Wait, where did he get that?
The chair he picks up is a canvas frame chair with a wooden frame. He folds it up and waits for Killian to rise, the smashes the entire frame over Killian’s back, shattering the wooden frame into pieces. Killian collapses once again. Holden reaches down and grabs Covert Jay’s ninja towel, then wraps it around King’s face from behind, twisting the ends to give himself enough torque to apply a camel clutch!
Covert Jay: He can’t win with submission!
Lieberjosch: He knows that, Jay. With a competitor like King, you have to wear him down before you hope to put him away.
King fighting back, trying to drag himself to the ropes as Orson cranks back on that towel.
Covert Jay: This is atrocious. This is a travesty.
Vinegar: You were wearing another towel under it, Jay…
Covert Jay: This is my private towel. It’s like exposing my underwear.
King grabs the ropes and gives himself enough leverage to drive an elbow back to the side of Orson’s head. He pulls himself to his feet using the ropes rubbing his face and neck where clothe burns are beginning to appear. He turns to see Holden running at him with another chair, but Killian launches himself at Holden for a running knee lift that drives it back into Holden’s face!!
Vinegar: Orson busted open!!
Orson goes down like a plank of wood, and King slides out of the ring. He makes his way toward the casket, deciding to push it up against the side of the ring. Climbing back up on the apron, King springboards himself over for a diving knee drop into Orson!
Covert Jay: Should be open and shut here, so to speak.
King indeed begins to roll Orson to the edge of the ring, but just as he’s about to dump him into the casket, Holden grabs the bottom rope and does a sort of 6-1-9 type of maneauver under the rope to swing around and kick Killian right in the head! King falls back and Holden takes the moment to pull himself into a seated position. King checks his face, then explodes back to his feet and across the ring, where Holden pulls the ropes down and spills Killian over into the casket!!
Lieberjosch: That’s it!
Holden reaches over the casket to close it, but Killian’s arm reaches up and grabs Holden by the throat, dragging him into the casket as well! Not daunted, Holden unleases a flurry of punches, but as King presses him up and over the whole set up tips and they both go crashing to the floor.
Vinegar: There’s not going to be a casket to lock someone into at this rate.
King recovers first, then yanks Holden back up.
Covert Jay: SPINEBUSTER!!
Vinegar: My god! Killian King just delivered a sit out spinebuster through the toppled table that was holding the casket at the beginning of this match! The table is in pieces, and the coffin is laid out on the floor next to the ring!
Killian climbing back to his feet now, Holden tries to push himself up, but…
Covert Jay: BEEFEATER!!
King reaches down to grab Holden and starts to dump him into the casket, but Holden slips his grasp and darts under the ring. King runs his hand through his hair in frustration, but flips the ring skirt up to look for Holden.
Lieberjosch: Holden darts out from under the ring on this side, Killian suddenly stumbles back?
Killian falls backward as the alligator under the ring snaps at him. He trips over the casket and falls on his hands and knees. As the reptile stalks closer, he makes a decision and and dives for the casket. He reaches up and pulls the lid down.
Vinegar: Did the champ just lose himself the match?
Covert Jay: Brian Chartreuse sliding out of the ring, giving the alligator a wide berth… he says no!
Lieberjosch: The lid isn’t all the way closed, the coward is simply just hiding!
Vinegar: I’d like to see you get out there and tangle with that thing. What was Orson thinking bringing that thing out here?
Lieberjosch: He was entertaining this New Orleans crowd, getting into the spirit of the match, and setting himself up for an expert escape should he get into trouble. That’s the mind of a veteran at work, Nick.
Holden notices what’s going on and sneaks around the ring in order to capitalize while Chartreuse orders officials to remove the alligator. Holden is about to kick the lid closed, but Killian was beginning to climb out and his arm blocks the win!
Frustrated, Holden grabs Killian’s arm and drags him out of the casket, then drops to the floor as he begins to put Killain into White!
Lieberjosch: If he can get this locked in and cause Killian to pass out, he’s got the match in the bag!
Covert Jay: In the casket…
Lieberjosch: Shut the fuck up, Jay.
Killian isn’t going to let it happen, as he powers out, using the position to roll into an inside cradle in order to escape the hold. With surprising agility, he rolls up to his feet and drags Holden into a DDT position… but Orson turns it into a shoulder tackle against the ring!
Vinegar: This action is back and forth, I can’t tell who’s in control at any given moment!
The Crucible switches positions, slamming Orson against the apron before unleashing several chops across the chest that rock the challenger. Wrapping his hands around Holden’s neck, he performs a choke lift and slings the hipster into the ring. King climbs in and scoops up a camera. He slams the heavy piece of equipment into the chest of Holden.
Covert Jay: Hey look!
Lieberjosch: It looks like the chandelier is lowering back over the ring!
King lifts Holden back up and sets him up. It looks like he’s going for The Black Adder, but Holden pushes off. Killian turns about, but is met with a flurry of Labokkatao punches and kicks, followed up by a sudden…
Covert Jay: FUCKEMUPPERCUT!
Killian is staggered, and Holden steps back and reaches up to where the chandelier is now hanging within reach, and swings it like a giant pendulum to slam into the staggered King!
Vinegar: King is knocked backward over the top rope and into the casket below, and the impact causes the lid to close on him!
Seemingly out of nowhere, a brass band appears around the casket. Six pallbearers lift it up, as the band begins “As the Saints Go Marching In.” They dance jauntily up the ramp with the casket as the bell rings.
Dennis climbs back into the ring and hands Chartreuse the belt, and he presents Holden Orson with the Cross Hemisphere Championship!
Dennis: Your winner, and NEW UGWC CROSS HEMISPHERE CHAMPION!!! HOLLLLLLDEEEEEEEEN ORSOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!!!!
Orson lifts the belt in the air in victory as “We Want War” by These New Puritans plays, and he drops to his knees, touching the belt to his forehead as he looks down at it.
Vinegar: Holden Orson has music??
Lieberjosch: You’re so clueless Nick. Maybe you should focus on the fact that Holden Orson has just become the Cross Hemisphere Champ against all odds!
Vinegar: Against all odds? At the beginning of the match you… You know what… nevermind.
Lieberjosch: Regardless of your mainstream disdain for Holden Orson, he has finally achieved success here in UGWC, and…
Lieberjosch: Who the hell…?
Vinegar: It’s the Crazed Anarchist!!
The Anarchist runs out with a black baseball bat and slides into the ring, grabbing the new Cross Hemisphere Champion up and hitting him with the Anarchy Drop right onto the bat!! He pulls out a can of spraypaint and paints the anarchy symbol on Holden’s back before throwing the can into the crowd. He grabs his bat and points around before sliding back out and exiting!!
Vinegar: The Crazed Anarchist makes his first UGWC appearance by interrupting Holden Orson’s victory celebration!!
Holden Orson – 7.83
Killian King – 7.73
Vinegar: Alright ladies and gentlemen, here’s where the Global Challenge begins to pick up a notch. It’s Semi-Final time!
Covert Jay: The first of two, Vinegar!
Lieberjosch: No shit Sherlock…
The arena lights dim, and the opening of Divine begins to play. Pyro explodes down the sides of the ride to the ring in a cascading fashion – that’s right, cascading mother fuckers – and Dredd walks out onto the stage. A single spotlight illuminates him – I mean, it’s a big spit light… A REALLY big spotlight – as he walks to the ring. As Dredd reaches the ring, a single large explosion of ringpost pyro goes off and the arena lights return to normal.
Lieberjosch: Dude’s fucking massive.
Vinegar: He’s a big guy – which is probably why he did so well in the qualifiers.
Covert Jay: But it’s about more than size once you get through to this stage people.
Hastings wears a dark cloak to the ring. When he comes out he pauses on the stage and performs his taunt. He has an almost regal aura to him.
Vinegar: You know, for a man who is so in love with himself, he has a pretty understated entrance, don’t you think?
Lieberjosch: I think he’s a master of manipulation and if you think his entrance is understated, it’s because that’s what he wants you to think.
Covert Jay: Kiss ass…
Vinegar: Pot-Kettle Jay… Pot-Kettle.
The bell rings and the match is off to a flying start with Dredd and Hasting’s exchanging punches in the middle of the ring. Surprisingly, Hasting’s appears to take an early advantage as Dredd stops trading and merely receives… This, however is brought to a hasty end as a huge knee to Hasting’s gut lifts him high into the air before he crashes to the mat.
Vinegar: Christ – what a show of power by the big man.
Covert Jay: You know, these two have a hell of a history. I did some Ninja research before the show.
Lieberjosch: And what did you find out?
Covert Jay: That they had a hell of a history – do you need your ears cleaning?
Dredd’s early advantage is pressed, but not with any real pace. The pace of a fifty year old fat dude. What? That’s what he is… Hasting’s is tossed from side to side, in between a number of high impact clotheslines. What Dredd lack’s in movement, he more than makes up for in swing.
Lieberjosch: Hasting’s head almost came OFF his shoulders with that clothesline. Fuck…
Covert Jay: I think Donovan might well regret writing off Dredd in his pre-match comments.
Vinegar: Dredd looking to end this match early – is he going for the big avalanche?
From one side of the ring to the other, Dredd whips Hastings into the corner. He backs up and moves across the ring with what I suppose could only be described as a gentle trot. The impact, however, is not gentle as Hasting’s manages to drop out of the way and Dredd’s upper body collides with the turnbuckle. Not to let an opportunity slide, The Lord of Pain rolls the Monster up with a school boy.
1… 2… NO! Dredd powers out.
Lieberjosch: Hasting’s almost had Dredd beat, right there!
Vinegar: Big mistake by Dredd, going for the finish too early – Hasting’s wasn’t beat up enough for that.
Covert Jay: Hasting’s isn’t giving Dredd anytime to recover.
Hasting’s brings Dredd to the ground with a double leg takedown, and immediately mounts the big man and begins to unleash thunderous rights and lefts. Dredd, however, uses his power to push Hasting’s away as if swatting at flies. Donovan doesn’t let up, however, as he quickly hits a kneeling Dredd with a face breaker DDT.
1… No! Dredd powers out again.
This time, however, Dredd looks less shocked and more angry as he climbs to his feet. Lord Hasting’s hits the ropes and ducks a huge swing by Dredd, he jumps and springs off the middle rope and pulls Dredd to the ground with an arm drag. The ring shakes as The Monster hits the ground hard.
Vinegar: The Lord of Pain is taking it to the big man here!
Covert Jay: But nothing seems to be keeping Dredd down!
Lieberjosch: Our Lord will find a way!
And try he does as an angry, but worn down looking Dredd gets to his feet again, but as he’s on his knees, Hasting’s looks to lock in a Triangle Choke. Dredd’s face begins to turn red as Hasting’s is on his back, his legs wrapped tight around Dredd’s neck. The referee begins to check on The Monster, but Hasting’s shoulders are suddenly on the mat.
1… 2… NO! Dredd has lifted Hasting’s out of the pin!
Lieberjosch: Holy fuck…
Covert Jay: The strength!
Vinegar: He’s fucking fifty years old!
Hasting’s is lifted high into the air, his eyes wide with shock before he plummets down hard onto his back breaking the hold. Dredd staggers backwards into the ropes but uses the momentum to come back at Hastings and hit a big splash!
1… 2… NO! Hasting’s gets his shoulder up!
Covert Jay: Oh god I thought that was it!
Vinegar: I thought Hasting’s was dead.
Dredd takes a moment, leaning against the turnbuckle, getting some of his breath back allowing Hasting’s to stir. The Lord of Pain slowly gets to his feet, only to be met with another big Dredd clothesline. As Hasting’s gets to his feet again, he turns only to be met by Dredd’s massive hand around his throat.
Vinegar: This has to be it – Dredd is going for the Broken Sphere.
Covert Jay: YES! Dredd it’s it!
1… 2… Thre… No! Hastings with the shoulder up.
Dredd looks beside himself with anger – he sneers at the crowd who – in all honesty – have no idea who to cheer for. Everyone is a fucking bag guy around here. Still – despite this, they seem to have an affinity for watching Hasting’s get beat up so they’re all kind’ve into it. They almost cheer as Dredd calls for the end. He pull’s Donovan to his feet and lifts him to the second turnbuckle. The crowd are in awe as The Monster begins to climb.
Lieberjosch: Hasting’s is not going to let this shit go down!
Vinegar: He’s fighting back!
Covert Jay: Big… Right… Hand!
Dredd is staggered, but doesn’t fall… Where a single first doesn’t work, a huge shove surely does. The ring shakes as Dredd hits hard from the second rope. Untypically, Hastings comes off the second rope with a big elbow drop on Dredd and makes the cover.
1… 2… No! Close, but no cigar. Dredd gets a shoulder up.
Hastings doesn’t let his opponent rest, however, despite looking an inch from passing out. He drops onto Dredd, and locks in the The Hands of Fate! The crowd, now completely confused, and cheering for Hastings… Well, some of them are. Other’s are booing. Who the fuck knows with this kind of set up?
Lieberjosch: Hasting’s is going to make The Monster tap!
Covert Jay: Christ, I think Hans might be right.
Vinegar: Hasting’s has the move locked in in the middle of the ring!
Dredd is fighting, but he has nowhere to go. He attempts to roll Hasting’s onto his back into a pin, but Hastings rolls through and hangs on! Dredd lifts his hand in the air to tap, but suddenly realises that his feet can touch the ropes, He stretches, and pulls and eventually wraps his feet around the bottom and the referee begins to count.
1… Hasting’s cinches the hold in tighter. 2… Still not letting go… 3… Dredd is almost out cold… 4… The referee is going to call for the bell… Fi… NO! Hasting’s let’s go.
Dredd, however, is outcold. Hasting’s immediately goes for the cover.
1… 2… three… No! Dredd’s foot is still under the rope! The referee sees it in the last moment!
Lieberjosch: So close for Hasting’s. He was SO close the win!
Vinegar: A cheap win, Hans. Come on, even you couldn’t have welcomed that.
Lieberjosch: A win’s a win, Vin!
Covert Jay: Any hole’s a goal, right Hans?
Lieberjosch: Fuck you.
Hasting’s back on his feet now, having tried and failed to pull Dredd from back under the ropes. His only option now is to wait – and wait he does. Dredd is slowly pulling himself back up, and Hasting’s is calling for the end. He hooks Dredd in position for Destiny’s call, but before he tries to lift he slams several knees into Dredd’s upper body. The big man looks faded.
Lieberjosch: This is it… Hasting’s to the final!
Vinegar: Do you really think he can lift The Monster?
Covert Jay: No! He can’t!
Hasting’s tries to lift Dredd, but the big man is just too heavy. Instead, Hasting’s himself is lifted up into the air. Dredd staggers forward sitting Hasting’s on the top rope, in a perfect position to set up The Concrete Piledriver. As he steps back, however, The Lord of Pain aim’s a heavy boot right into his opponent’s nose.
Vinegar: What a shot by Hasting’s Dredd is staggered.
Lieberjosch: Yes! Show that man who our Lord is!
Covert Jay: Don’t waste time though Donnie!
Hasting’s stands for a moment, his arms outstretched and his eyes closed. He looks to the sky as he drops down off the second rope. As he opens his eyes however, the only thing he can see is the rushing Dredd who avalanches him hard into the corner.
Dredd steps back as Hasting’s slides down the turnbuckle…
Lieberjosch: No… No…
Dredd lifts Hasting’s up to the top rope in a sitting postion. Dredd climbs up in front of Hasting’s and pulls him into a Piledriver position.
The Monster jumps backwards into a sitting postion to hit the Concrete Piledriver.
Covert Jay: Dredd makes the cover!
Vinegar: Is this it?
Jay and Vinegar: 3!!!!!!
Vinegar: Dredd has done it! Dredd has made it to the finals of the Global Challenge! What a match – what a fight between two old rivals.
Covert Jay: And these fans seem to be really happy that Donovan Hastings will not be in the final of this years Global Challenge.
Lieberjosch: NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!
Vinegar: Not sure Hans is so pleased, Jay.
Both Covert Jay and Vinegar share a laugh as Hans Lieberjosch continues to scorn the victory of “The Monster” Dredd.
Hastings – 7.05
Covert Jay: “It’s time for our second Global Challenge semi-final match, peeps. You two as excited as I am?”
Lieberjosch: “You get amped when watching ‘Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives’ though, Jay, so your excitability leaves something to be desired.”
Covert Jay: “Guy Fieri is the shit, Doc. Don’t hate…appreciate.”
Vinegar: “Before you two delve off into a thirty minute conversation about gourmet hot dogs and bleached hair, how’s about we focus on the fact that we are getting ready to find out who Dredd will be facing in the Finals?”
Covert Jay: “Killjoy.”
Lieberjosch: “For those just joining us, the first semi-final match saw the monster known as Dredd take on AND DEFEAT one of his oldest nemesis’, ‘The Lord of Pain’ Donovan Hastings.”
Vinegar: “Is that outcome still a sore spot with you, Hans?”
Lieberjosch: “Eat me, Nicholas.”
Covert Jay: “Imagine knowing if you win this match, someone the size of Dredd awaits. How daunting would that be?”
Vinegar: “Well one of two men – either Gabriel Baal or Dirge – will fight for that right here in a few moments.”
Covert Jay: “Those two men earned the right to fight here in this semi-final match earlier in the night, when Dirge eliminated Ichabod, and Gabriel Baal eliminated surprise entrant Harley Addams.”
Vinegar: “What a surprise that was, eh?”
Covert Jay: “That it was, Nick. That it was.”
Lieberjosch: “Back on point here, Gabriel Baal has turned a lot of heads in just a relatively short amount of time here in the UGWC. If he can get past Dirge here tonight, and somehow find a way to defeat Dredd, could either Vain or Travis Roberts be next?”
Covert Jay: “Would be awesome for the good doctor, but I’m hoping we get to witness the unstoppable force colliding with the immovable object. I want Dirge and Dredd in the finals.”
Vinegar: “I’m not sure New Orleans could hold those two, Jay.”
Covert Jay: “Hide yo’ kids…hide yo’ wife!”
Lieberjosch: “I wish someone would hide your headset. Christ Almighty.”
Vinegar: “The time for waiting is over. Take it away, Mitchell!”
Mitchell Dennis: “Ladies and gentlemen, this next match is scheduled for one fall, and is a semi-final match in the Global Challenge tournament. Introducing first, hailing from Chicago, Illinois by way of Las Vegas, Nevada…”
Probot’s ‘I Am the Warlock’ begins to play over the sound system, as Dirge slowly makes his way through the curtain.
Mitchell Dennis: “He stands six-feet nine-inches tall and weighs in at two-hundred seventy-five pounds…’THE GREATER EVIL’ DIRGE!!!!!
As the crowd boos, Dirge makes his way to ringside. Ascending the ring steps, he steps up onto the ring apron and takes a few steps towards the middle. Stepping over the top rope, he moves towards the center of the ring, and just stares up the ramp with an icy glare.
Vinegar: “You never know when this man is going to snap, guys. It’s frightening as hell.”
Covert Jay: “Word.”
Mitchell Dennis: “And his opponent, hailing from New York, New York by way of London, England…”
‘Sympathy for the Devil’, by Gregorian, hits and the lights drop.
Mitchell Dennis: “Standing six-feet three-inches tall and weighing in at two-hundred thirty-eight pounds…’THE SEVENTH CIRCLE’ GABRIEL BAAL!!!!!
A single spotlight drops on the rampway – Gabriel Baal makes his slow entrance, a hood pulled over his head. The hood is attatched to a full length jacket that is zipped from the neck to the waist. Baal’s hands are pressed together at the finger tips – he strides to the ring, only parting his fingers to gain entry to the ring. He raises his pressed fingers in front of his covered head, before quickly pushing the hood back to reveal his grinning face. His arms extend wide before he starts a circle of the ring. Stopping in the center, and spinning 360 degrees.
Vinegar: “This very well may be Baal’s biggest test to date here in the UGWC, and he is giving up a bit of a size advantage.”
Covert Jay: “Six-inches and a little less than forty pounds, Nicholas.”
Covert Jay: “What? Math is kinda my thing. I mean, I do well at counting all the money I win off of you during poker night.”
Lieberjosch: “I truly detest everything you stand for, Jay.”
Vinegar: “While you two are having a tizzy, Claude is ringing the bell. This semi-final match has officially begun!”
The two men lock up, and Dirge uses his leverage advantage to back Baal back into the corner. As the official begins the count, Dirge releases at three, and backs away. Baal looks surprised as he slowly moves from the corner.
Vinegar: “I think Baal expected Dirge to begin hammering on him there.”
Covert Jay: “Didn’t you?”
Vinegar: “That’s neither here, nor there.”
The two men lock up again, and this time Dirge applies a side headlock. Baal backs him towards the ropes, and then shoots him across the ring. Dirge bounds off the ropes, and runs through Baal with a thunderous shoulder tackle.
Lieberjosch: “Even with the weight he has lost over the last year, that still has to feel like you’re getting run over by a eighteen wheeler.”
Dirge reaches down and palms the face of Gabriel Baal, and jerks him to his feet. He shoves Baal back into the ropes, and then connects with a knee lift to the gut of the doctor. Dirge grabs the arm of Baal and moves like hes going to whip him across the ring, but he maintains the hold on his wrist, jerks Gabriel back towards him, and sends him hard to the mat with a short-armed lariat.
Vinegar: “Dirge is firmly in control at this moment, as Gabriel Baal can’t seem to get on track.”
Covert Jay: “He had a hard fight against a wrestler he knew absolutely nothing about in Harley Addams. Maybe it took more out of him than we thought?”
Baal struggling to get back to his feet, as Dirge just calmly looks down at him. Baal uses Dirge to pull himself to his feet, but receives a forearm shot to the back of the neck for his troubles. Dirge lifts Baal high into the air, and powerbombs him into the nearest turnbuckle.
Vinegar: “And that might be it. All Dirge has to do is make the cover.”
Lieberjosch: “Instead he’s lounging in the adjacent corner, just staring at Gabriel Baal.”
Covert Jay: “That isn’t all he’s doing. Looks to be arguing with himself, too. And that is always a good sign.”
A sick grin of satisfaction begins to form on the face of ‘The Greater Evil’, and he eyes Baal struggle to get to his feet. Baal is up on his hands and knees, and Dirge takes off. He attempts a punt to the head of Gabriel Baal, but Baal moves out of the way at the last minute. Baal to his feet as Dirge spins around…a European Uppercut to ‘The Greater Evil’, and then Baal spikes him with a DDT.
Vinegar: “Dirge was going for that punt there, and had he hit it, he might have taken Gabriel out permanently.”
Covert Jay: “Very true, but the doc saw it coming, and from out of nowhere, spiked the big man with a perfectly executed DDT. And now both men are lying on the mat.”
Baal up to his feet now and begins laying into Dirge with numerous kicks to the big man’s chest. Baal takes a few steps back, and then connects with a savate kick to the face, knocking ‘The Greater Evil’ down in a heap.
Vinegar: “Gabriel Baal finally coming to life in this match, and Dirge looks to be in la-la land.”
Covert Jay: “Isn’t be always?”
Lieberjosch: “Don’t let the angry one hear you say that. You won’t like him when he’s angry.”
Baal drags Dirge to his feet and shoves him into the corner. Baal unleashes his kick combo, connect with Dirge’s knees, thighs, and ribs, before culminating with another kick to Dirge’s face. Dirge stumbles out of the corner and walks into a t-bone suplex from ‘The Seventh Circle’.
Vinegar: “Baal showing his power there, and he’s going for a pin attempt.”
Lieberjosch: “And Dirge kicks out at two.”
Covert Jay: “He didn’t just kick out though, Doc. He kicked out with authority. And he looks to be smiling as he gets to his feet.”
Lieberjosch: “Gabriel should run. Right now.”
Baal throws a few side kicks to Dirge’s legs, but the big man absorbs them almost as if he doesn’t feel them. Reaching out, he wraps his hand around Baal’s throat, and then headbutts him in the face. Moving in behind of Baal, Dirge grasps him around the waist and lifts him up, planting him with a German suplex. Maintaining his grip, Dirge delivers two more rolling Germans. Back to their feet, Dirge lifts him high in the air once more, but this time releases, and Baal ends up landing on his face and chest.
Vinegar: “Dirge has that deranged look in his eyes, and Baal’s time might be coming to an end here in this match.”
Dirge drags Baal to his feet and lifts him high into the air. He holds him there, allowing the blood to rush to his head, and then spikes him with the DEATH IN VEGAS.
Covert Jay: “That’s it. It’s over.”
Dirge back to his feet and is just staring down at Gabriel Baal.
Vinegar: “What is he doing? He could pin him for a count of thirty after that move.”
Lieberjosch: “Looks like his inner dialogue has turned into outer argument. With himself. Because that’s perfectly sane.”
As the official looks on, Dirge continues arguing with himself, allowing Baal to begin stirring. Dirge ends up sliding out of the ring. Walking over to the crowd, he grabs a steel chair, and then slides back in under the bottom rope.
Lieberjosch: “And now he has a weapon. Splendid.”
Vinegar: “Someone needs to do something, before he unloads on Gabriel.”
Lieberjosch: “Who, Nicholas? The only one that can halfway control him is David Damarest…and he carries a scalpel around for Christ sake.”
Vinegar: “Touche, Hans.”
Dirge is yelling at Baal to get to his feet, and then is yelling at him not to. Everyone in the arena is looking at each other, probably wondering what the fuck. Then Dirge begins arguing with himself again.
Covert Jay: “He should just hulk out already. The angry one won’t be denied, Nick. I’m telling you.”
Vinegar: “But Robert is fighting him with everything he has.”
Lieberjosch: “Yes, but something has to give, Nicholas.”
Baal is back to his feet as Dirge is pacing back and forth while fighting his demons. Dirge doesn’t see Baal spring off the middle rope…THE FREUDIAN SLIP!
Vinegar: “I don’t know where Baal found the reserve to pull that move to, but he gave himself some time.”
Lieberjosch: “Yes, but Dirge still has the chair in his hands. And he looks furious.”
Dirge turns back towards Baal, and Gabriel connects with a big boot, driving the chair back into Dirge’s face. Dirge falls to a knee, but is still trying to lift the chair and swing it at Baal. Just as it his at face level, Gabriel Baal connects with CATATONIA, driving the chair into the face of Dirge again.
Vinegar: “Dirge is flat on his back! And Gabriel has fallen to the mat himself. He’s exhausted, but somehow found the energy to drape an arm over the chest of ‘The Greater Evil’!”
Mitchell Dennis: “The winner of this match…GABRIEL BAAL!!!!!!!!!!”
Covert Jay: “Sonofabitch, he did it!”
Lieberjosch: “Dirge had this match won, and Baal used a foreign object. He should be disqualified.”
Vinegar: “Dirge brought the chair into the ring, Hans. Gabriel just used that to his advantage.”
Covert Jay: “That, and Dirge’s multiple personality disorder.”
Vinegar: “Gabriel Baal was able to outlast Dirge in this semi-final match, which means later on tonight, he will face Dredd in the Global Challenge Final.”
Covert Jay: “And we will see how much both men have left, in order to do it, one more time.
Dirge – 6.73
Vinegar: I don’t think that either Killian King or Holden Orson will ever be the same after that match. It was utter insanity.
Lieberjosch: For once I agree with you.
Covert Jay: I need to write this down.
Lieberjosch: We’d believe that if anyone believed that you know how to write.
Vinegar: That point aside, after that we’re going to see what is probably the most unexpected and I think, bizarre grudge match in recent UGWC history. No one saw Travis Pierce’s attack on Jet Somers coming, least of all Jet and now he’s on a one man crusade against his former teammate in the “Piercing Weapons” and “The Piercing Media Network”.
Lieberjosch: It’s not a “one man crusade”, he recruited Phrixus Deimos.
Vinegar: You’re nitpicking.
Lieberjosch: No, you’re wrong and I’m correcting you. Deimos joined Pierce because he sees the justice of his cause. Jet Somers is a greedy fraud and Deimos can see that.
Vinegar: You’re claiming to know what’s going on in the head of Phrixus Deimos?
Covert Jay: No one can do that. He’s mysterious.
Lieberjosch: And you’re an idiot. Listen, Deimos is one of the most brilliant psychologists in the history of this business. He’s stated why he’s joined Pierce in his mission against Jet and while it would be foolish to think that he’s told us everything, he’s told us all he’s going to say. He’ll reveal the rest through his actions and happily let Pierce draw all of the attention in the meantime.
Vinegar: I agree, but he and Pierce have one other very large problem to consider.
Covert Jay: Matching tights?
\Covert Jay: Their team name?
Covert Jay: Team music?
Lieberjosch: No, you idiot. Shut up and I’ll tell you.
Covert Jay: Oh. Ok!
Lieberjosch: Sometimes I wonder why I bother.
Vinegar: Because you’re paid to.
Lieberjosch: Right. That’s why.
Lieberjosch: I will. As I was saying before that mental flat line interrupted me, they have a rather large problem on their hands now. That problem is the longest-reigning Chaos Champion of all time, “The Drunken Buzzsaw”, Chaos.
Vinegar: Really? You’re giving Chaos credit for what he’s accomplished? That’s surprising.
Lieberjosch: Listen, he may be a violent moron, but he’s tough. I won’t take that away from him. If he’d concentrate on his own career and not on carrying leeches like Somers, he could easily be World Champion.
Vinegar: I’m surprised to hear you say that.
Lieberjosch: Chaos may not be Alan Wallace, but he’s not completely stupid either. He’s an experienced wrestler with quite a resume. If Pierce and Deimos underestimate him, they’re going to be in big trouble.
Vinegar: I don’t like what Pierce did to Somers, but I know that he’s not underestimating Chaos. Besides, Chaos still has to be hurting after that war he went through against Matt Mayheu last week. Those two beat the hell out of each other and there’s no way he’s fully healed yet. I wouldn’t be surprised to see Pierce and Deimos take the easy way out and go after his injuries.
Lieberjosch: They should. This isn’t “Connect Four”. If you’re willing to enter the ring injured, then you should also expect that your opponents will take advantage of it.
Vinegar: I’m sure he does. It’s not like he doesn’t know Pierce and Deimos at all. I’m also sure that Chaos has a plan and is possibly even hoping for it.
Lieberjosch: He would. He’s a pretty twisted individual.
Vinegar: Would you care to say that to his face?
Lieberjosch: No. I’m not stupid. Let Jay say it to him.
Covert Jay: Even I’m not that stupid.
Lieberjosch: I’m not sure about that.
Vinegar: Would you two stop.
Mitchell Dennis: Ladies and gentlemen it’s time for the Co-Operative Championship Match! Introducing first…
“Phucking Phreak” by Velvet Acid Christ.
Mitchell Dennis: He is the first of your challengers and he hails from parts unknown. He stands at five feet, eleven inches tall and weighs two hundred and twenty pounds. He is a two-time UGWC World Heavyweight Champion…he’s “The Embodiment of Fear”, PHRIXUS DEEEEEEEEEEEIMOOOOOOOOS!!!
Vinegar: Deimos just stopped at the top of the ramp as if he’s waiting for Pierce to come out. The crowd gave him a very mixed reaction, as if they’re not sure how to feel about what he’s doing.
Covert Jay: He looks excited to be working with Pierce.
Lieberjosch: His face is covered. He doesn’t “look” anything.
Covert Jay: You know what I mean, Doc.
Lieberjosch: I rarely know what you mean. I don’t speak “moron”.
Vinegar: Would you two shut up? Mitchell is about to introduce Pierce.
Mitchell Dennis: Ladies and gentlemen, the second contestant is a man that needs little introduction. During the past year he was the Creative Director of UGWC. Before that his record speaks for itself, including multiple Co-Operative Championship reigns and the World Heavyweight Championship. He’s the second ever UGWC “Grand Slam” Champion. Ladies and gentlemen, he is “Icon of Entertainment”, ladies and gentlemen he is TRAVIS…PIIIIIIIIIERCE!!!
“You Know My Name” by Chris Cornell.
Covert Jay: Whoa!
Lieberjosch: That might be the most coherent thing you’ve ever said. How sad.
Vinegar: That was some blast of pyro. Pierce never spared any effect.
Lieberjosch: Why should he? He’s always had to overcompensate for the attention hog, Jet.
Vinegar: He wasn’t an attention hog.
Lieberjosch: That’s not how Pierce and Deimos see it and they look united.
Vinegar: What gave it away, that they walked down to the ring together?
Lieberjosch: That’s a good start. You’ve been doing this for long enough, you should be able to tell these things by now.
Vinegar: Very funny, Hans.
Lieberjosch: I thought so.
Mitchell Dennis: Ladies and gentlemen, here are your Champions! They hail from the “Devil’s Most Wanted” Clubhouse in New Orleans, Louisiana and are the Unified Global Wrestling Coalition Co-
Operative Champions…the team of “The Drunken Buzzsaw” and “The Living Weapon”, CHAAAAAAAOSSSS and JET SOMERRRRRRRRSSSS!!!!!
Vinegar: Listen to that cheer as Nonpoint’s “Everybody Down” cues!
Lieberjosch: These people are so easily lead.
Vinegar: They love Jet Somers!
Covert Jay: I love nachos!
Lieberjosch: I’d love it if you’d get struck mute.
Vinegar: Here they come! Chaos is walking out with him in a blatant show of unity! Pierce doesn’t look amused by it.
Lieberjosch: Neither does Chaos. He’s staring at Pierce like he wants to tear his head off. Jet meanwhile looks like he thinks that this whole thing with Pierce is some giant misunderstanding. He doesn’t seem to have any hard feelings towards him. Is he delusional, or just stupid?
Vinegar: You know that he’s not stupid, Hans.
Lieberjosch: So he’s delusional.
Vinegar: No, but he might be in denial. It could also be that Jet just doesn’t see things as Pierce does and thinks this will all blow over in time.
Covert Jay: Even I know better than that and as the Doc always says, I’m an idiot.
Lieberjosch: You said it.
Vinegar: Jay’s mental acuity aside, it looks like this match is going to start with Chaos and Pierce in the ring.
Lieberjosch: Pierce doesn’t look amused by it. He keeps pointing at Jet as he tells Chaos to get lost.
Covert Jay: I think Chaos just said “no”.
Lieberjosch: What gave it away? The giant middle finger he just stuck in Pierce’s face?
Covert Jay: Yeah, how’d you know?
Lieberjosch: It was a rhetorical question you nit wit.
Covert Jay: Oh. Well excuse me.
Lieberjosch: I’ve been struggling to find a way to do that for a while now. Thus far I’ve come up short. Some things can’t be explained, even by someone of my dizzying intellect.
Vinegar: Are you two quite finished yet? While you’ve been jawing at each other, Pierce responded to the “one fingered salute” by slapping Chaos’ hand away. All he got for his efforts was the other four driven into his face after Chaos bunched it up with the other one. Since then, he’s been repeatedly hammering Pierce across the ring with rights and lefts.
Lieberjosch: Which he wouldn’t do if Green would get in there and do his damned job.
Vinegar: Come off it, Hans! We both know that you’d be praising it if the situation was reversed.
Vinegar: Why is that?
Lieberjosch: It’s simple. Pierce is smaller and he has to take every advantage that he can get. Chaos is a monster in there and towers above everyone. When he does it he’s just bullying Pierce.
Vinegar: That’s tortured logic.
Covert Jay: That’s my gimmick!
Lieberjosch: Your gimmick is being a waste of oxygen.
Vinegar: Speaking of “oxygen”, Pierce is gasping for it right now after Chaos just paused from delivering a succession of short armed lariats to him in the corner. Chaos appears fired up already and he’s really taking it to Jet’s former Tag Partner.
Lieberjosch: Green finally did his job and forced Chaos to get Pierce out of the corner.
Vinegar: First of all Hans, Sam Green isn’t going to “force” Chaos to do anything. Second, I don’t think that improved Pierce’s situation much better as he walked out of the corner into a huge sidewalk slam.
Lieberjosch: More dirty fighting from Chaos.
Vinegar: I hope that you realize how stupid you sound.
Lieberjosch: You wouldn’t know intelligent analysis if it slapped you.
Vinegar: I know biased analysis when I hear it.
Lieberjosch: I have no idea what you mean.
Vinegar: Pierce may have “no idea” where he is at the moment because as soon as he got up from the side slam, Chaos planted him back on the mat with a DDT. It doesn’t look like Pierce’s plan to have Fear “neutralize” Chaos is working out.
Lieberjosch: It’s early yet.
Vinegar: What’s he waiting for? Easter?
Lieberjosch: Don’t worry, Chaos will screw up and give him an opening.
Vinegar: Pierce had better hope that he does it soon, or this match might be over really fast.
Lieberjosch: He will. Just wait.
Vinegar: Chaos has the staggering Pierce lined up…he waits for him to turn around…
Covert Jay: Was that a part of his plan, Doc? If so, it’s a stupid plan.
Lieberjosch: Shut up, Jay.
Vinegar: That boot to the face almost knocked Pierce from the ring!
Covert Jay: Unfortunately for him, the ropes stopped him and sent him right back into Chaos.
Vinegar: Chaos with the belly-to-belly suplex, and Pierce is reduced to a crumpled heap in the corner!
Lieberjosch: Yes, but look at Chaos. It seems as if that suplex upset one of the bruises that he has from his match with Mayheu.
Vinegar: It looks like you’re right, Doc. He was clearly wincing as he stood up from the suplex. It might give Pierce just the break that he needs to either get back into this, or to tag Fear in.
Covert Jay: He’d have to stand up first.
Lieberjosch: The simpleton has a point.
Vinegar: Even when you compliment you always have to turn it into an insult.
Lieberjosch: Stick with what works, Nicky. Stick with what works.
Vinegar: Well, while you’ve been doing that, Chaos has decided to put Pierce away.
Lieberjosch: His movements seem a little more ginger now.
Vinegar: They do, but that’s not going to stop him. He’s made is clear that he’s not happy with what Pierce did and he’s been showing him for the last five minutes.
Lieberjosch: Pierce is starting to stir, so if he wants to put Pierce away he should do it now.
Covert Jay: I need a hot dog.
Lieberjosch: You need a brain.
Vinegar: Moving on. Chaos just pulled the still very dazed Pierce off of the mat and looks to be setting him up for “The Flatliner”. If he lands this we could be watching the end for Pierce and Deimos.
Lieberjosch: Or not. It’s not like Deimos is going to stand there and let it happen.
Vinegar: Chaos has Pierce up…
Lieberjosch: Knee to the head by Pierce! Chaos staggered from it.
Vinegar: Another knee by Pierce. And another! And another! Chaos is staggered! How is he not bleeding from that scar on his head?
Lieberjosch: He has a head like a cinderblock.
Vinegar: Whatever the reason is, it’s caused Chaos to drop Pierce.
Lieberjosch: There’s the tag to Fear!
Vinegar: Deimos enters and keeps Chaos reeling with a dropkick that sends him into the ropes. Deimos follows up with neckbreaker on the reeling “Drunken Buzzsaw”. Chaos is down for the first time!
Lieberjosch: Deimos is a smart veteran, now that he has Chaos on his heels he’ll keep him down.
Vinegar: He’s going to have to so that Pierce has time to recover. He took one hell of a beating. That he’s still standing shows how tough he is.
Lieberjosch: You’re complimenting the “bad guy”? I thought that you didn’t like Pierce.
Vinegar: I don’t. That doesn’t mean that I can’t or don’t appreciate his talent or toughness.
Lieberjosch: I’m proud of you, Nicky. That must have been hard.
Vinegar: Shut up, Hans.
Covert Jay: I bet Nicky doesn’t hear that often, Doc.
Lieberjosch: I’m not even going to dignify that with an answer.
Covert Jay: Wasn’t that an answer?
Lieberjosch: Not the kind you were hoping for.
Covert Jay: What kind was I hoping for?
Lieberjosch: Never mind.
Vinegar: Chaos is up to his knees…Deimos bounces off of the ropes…and connects with a standing dropkick to the face of “The Drunken Buzzsaw” that nearly sends him from the ring! Deimos follows it up with another dropkick and this one topples the giant to the floor on the outside!
Lieberjosch: He’d better stay on him.
Vinegar: Deimos just turns and looks at Jet, who smiles at him. There goes Sam Green to make sure that Jet doesn’t enter the ring. Where the hell is Pierce going?
Covert Jay: Walmart?
Lieberjosch: What? Shut up, Jay.
Vinegar: Pierce grabs Chaos, who is nearly to his feet…
Lieberjosch: Ouch. That looks liked it hurt.
Vinegar: What a dirty move! Pierce just threw Chaos face first into the ringside steps and then quickly gets back to his corner. Come on Pierce, you’re better than that! Listen to the fans booing him and he replies with a smug grin. What an ass!
Lieberjosch: That’s a good strategy. Deimos distracted Green and Pierce took advantage. Win however you have to. This isn’t chess.
Covert Jay: I’m not good at chess.
Lieberjosch: I’m not going to take advantage of that. It’s too easy.
Vinegar: Deimos slides out of the ring and grabs Chaos, then slides him back in. He drags him to center ring and ascends the ropes. Is he going for the “Meteor Press”?
Lieberjosch: It sure looks like it.
Vinegar: There he goes! Meteor Press! He landed it squarely! Here’s Sam Green with the count!
Lieberjosch: How in the hell did Chaos kick out of that?!
Vinegar: Chaos might be the toughest man in the ring right now.
Lieberjosch: He’s certainly not the smartest. If he was, he’d have stayed down.
Vinegar: Don’t be an idiot, Hans.
Lieberjosch: Not possible. Jay fills the idiot quota for all three of us.
Covert Jay: Thanks, Doc!
Vinegar: Whatever. Deimos doesn’t waste after the pin, he walks over to the corner and ascends the ropes again. He’s going for another “Shooting Star Press” while Chaos is still dazed.
Lieberjosch: Smart guy. He has Chaos down and he’s keeping him down.
Vinegar: “Meteor Press!!!”
Lieberjosh: This isn’t going to be a lot of fun for Pierce if he never gets his hands on Jet.
Vinegar: That’s all you care about?
Lieberjosch: Pierce deserves his chance to pay Jet back for years of abuse.
Vinegar: You can’t be serious.
Lieberjosch: Of course I’m serious. Pierce is the hero here. People need to see that.
Vinegar: Hero? He stabbed Jet in the back! You have an odd definition of the word “hero”.
Lieberjosch: He’s also about to take another word with him.
Vinegar: That word is?
Vinegar: I wouldn’t count on that.
Lieberjosch: Pierce is in and he’s pointing at Jet.
Vinegar: I can see that.
Lieberjosch: Jet’s too much of a coward to tag in.
Vinegar: How is he going to “tag in”, Chaos is half way across the ring from him and Pierce doesn’t seem too anxious to let him tag up.
Lieberjosch: It’s his strategy. He’s winding Jet up and getting into his head. He’ll get in there with Jet when he’s ready to.
Vinegar: You’re making excuses.
Lieberjosch: I’m pointing out the obvious,
Covert Jay: Pierce is working Chaos over pretty good.
Lieberjosch: The moron has a good point.
Vinegar: Yes he does. I’ve never seen Pierce this aggressive. He’s kept Chaos on his heels by using his greater speed and agility. Every time Chaos starts to mount a comeback, Pierce brings him up short with a dropkick to the leg and then follows it up with a well- placed power move.
Lieberjosch: Did you notice that every time he flattens Chaos, he looks at Jet with a smile, points at Chaos and then at him?
Vinegar: I did and Jet keeps smiling as if he still doesn’t believe that Pierce is serious.
Lieberjosch: He should believe it. Ask Chaos if that falling sleeper slam hurt any less because Jet doesn’t take it seriously.
Vinegar: I’m sure that Jet is more aware of your point than he’s letting on.
Lieberjosch: I think Pierce is ready to put Chaos out of his misery. I don’t know how Chaos still standing, he’s been in there since the match started.
Vinegar: He’s tough. You should know that by now.
Lieberjosch: I don’t know if he’s tough, or just too stupid to know when to stay down.
Vinegar: Pierce is setting Chaos up…
Lieberjosch: “The Break Down”.
Covert Jay: The ninja’s not done!
Vinegar: Pierce is going to the top…he points at Jet….
Covert Jay: Fly ninja!
Vinegar: “The Piercing Blow!!!”
Lieberjosch: We could have new Co-Operative Champions!
Vinegar: Here’s Sam Green with the count
Covert Jay: Two!!!
Vinegar: There’s Jet with the save!
Lieberjosch: Damn it, Green! Get that cheater out of here!
Vinegar: Pierce is back up!
Covert Jay: He’s got Jet!
Vinegar: “The Truth Hurts!!!”
Covert Jay: Chaos is busted open!
Lieberjosch: That’s one way to neutralize him.
Vinegar: Look at Pierce laughing at Jet as he falls to through the ropes and to the floor! That bastard!
Lieberjosch: Language, Nicky.
Covert Jay: Look out!
Vinegar: Chokeslam! Both men are down!
Lieberjosch: Come on, Pierce, tag in Deimos!
Vinegar: Are you an analyst, or a cheerleader?
Lieberjosch: I’d like to see Pierce get his revenge.
Vinegar: Revenge. You’re still selling Pierce’s nonsense.
Lieberjosch: I might not have to for long, Green is up to six and only Pierce is stirring.
Vinegar: Green’s at eight and Chaos is up to his knees and reaching for Jet.
Lieberjosch: He’d better, because Pierce is to his feet.
Vinegar: He’s not going after Jet, he’s daring him to get into the ring.
Lieberjosch: Damn it, Pierce. Use your brain! Keep Chaos in, he’s weak now!
Vinegar: He’s stated that he wants to embarrass Jet. He can’t do that if Jet’s not in the ring.
Lieberjosch: Sure he can! If Jet never gets in and they lose the match and the championships, that would be extremely embarrassing. Why let Jet in? It doesn’t make sense.
Lieberjosch: If he’s letting his ego get in the way of winning, he needs to get over that.
Vinegar: It’s too late now, because the…that bastard!
Covert Jay: Another “Truth Hurts” to Chaos! This one from behind!
Vinegar: Except that this one sent Chaos into Jet and allowed him to make the tag. Listen to that cheer!
Lieberjosch: Yes, but it may have taken Chaos completely out of the match. He’s flat on his face outside on the floor and bleeding all over himself.
Vinegar: Now Travis gets what he’s claims that he wants. Let’s see what he does with it.
Covert Jay: Jet looks to be attempting to reason with Pierce, as the two meet in the center of the ring.
Lieberjosch: And Pierce shows Jet exactly what he thinks by pie-facing him backwards a couple of steps.
Vinegar: Jet smiling as he again tries reasoning with Travis, and Pierce just slapped him across the face.
Covert Jay: That’ll get Jet’s attention.
Lieberjosch: Somers’ beginning to grow irritated with Pierce’s action, and Travis just hauled off and punched Jet right in the mouth.
Vinegar: Again and again Pierce fires off some vicious right hands, and he’s backed Jet up against the ropes. Irish whip, but Jet reverses. Pierce off the ropes and is sent down with a back elbow.
Lieberjosch: Pierce reaches up and slaps the hand of Deimos, and then rolls out of the ring and onto the floor.
Vinegar: Pierce apparently didn’t want as big of a piece of Jet as he had been saying over recent weeks.
Lieberjosch: It’s strategy, Nicholas.
Covert Jay: If you say so, Doc.
Vinegar: Fear and Somers lock up, and Fear gains the advantage with a side headlock. Somers with a few elbows to the gut, forcing Fear to loosen his grip on the hold, and Jet sends him towards the ropes.
Covert Jay: Leap from by Somers, Fear off the other ropes, arm drag by Somers.
Lieberjosch: Deimos back to his feet but gets sent back down with a hip toss.
Vinegar: Somers on top of Phrix in a hurry and begins grounding and pounding, but Deimos somehow manages to grab Jet’s arm and is trying to lock in a kimura.
Covert Jay: I’m sure Jet has felt a few of those in his day when he was in MMA. He quickly was able to free himself and get back to his feet.
Vinegar: And didn’t see Pierce come in from behind and nail him with a forearm to the back of the head.
Lieberjosch: Gotta be aware of your surroundings, Nicholas.
Vinegar: Jet say something over at Pierce before directing his attention back to Deimos. Phrix with a kick to the stomach, and then grabs Somers around the head.
Covert Jay: If he hits an Ace Cutter, I wanna hear glass break, dammit!
Vinegar: Deimos quickly drops down to one knee, keeping his other knee at a ninety-degree angle, and ramming Jet’s face down into it.
Lieberjosch: Phrixus maintains control of Jet’s head, and rises back to his feet. Turns Jet around, and then drops him with a neckbreaker.
Covert Jay: That went out to all those greasy, fat, New Orleans sweathogs here in attendance tonight.
Vinegar: No need to be Rude Jay.
Covert Jay: And Pierce now suddenly wants back in the match. He just tagged himself in.
Vinegar: Jawing incessantly at Somers and he drags Jet to his feet, and Jet suddenly unleashed with a series of boxing jabs, followed by a left cross.
Lieberjosch: Think someone should check on Chaos? There’s an awful lot of blood over there on the floor. Looks like a damn crime scene.
Covert Jay: Give him some shine. He’ll be alright.
Vinegar: Grabs Pierce and interlocks his fingers behind his head, and hammers Travis with multiple high knees. Pierce is woozy.
Lieberjosch: Those should be illegal.
Vinegar: Somers lifts Pierce into the air and plants him to the mat with a bodyslam.
Lieberjosch: Don’t see Jet bust out that sort of thing very often.
Covert Jay: It is very rare, for sure.
Vinegar: Pierce getting back to his feet…Kao Loi by Somers. And Somers covers.
Lieberjosch: Pierce kicks out after one, and congratulations to Chaos for not being bed. I just saw him move. Slightly.
Vinegar: Medics were trying to attend to him, but I think he tried punching one in the face.
Covert Jay: Sounds like Chaos.
Vinegar: Back in the ring, Pierce is out on the mat, and Somers springboards off the middle rope into a moonsault. Blackout!
Covert Jay: Didn’t look to hit it flush, though.
Lieberjosch: Come on, Travis!
Vinegar: Jet looks to be calling for his finisher, but Phrixus just reached under the bottom rope and grabbed Jet’s foot. What the hell.
Lieberjosch: He thought Jet’s shoe was untied. Just trying ot help him out.
Covert Jay: Jet looks pissed that he did it though. Looked like he was getting ready for the Jetstreamer.
Vinegar: He needs to pay attention to Pierce though, as he’s getting back to his feet.
Lieberjosch: Jet still staring down at Deimos, and Pierce rolls him up from behind.
Vinegar: Wait! He didn’t kick out?!
Lierberjosch: Jet wasn’t focused on Travis, and we have new Cooperative Champions! Holy shit!
Covert Jay: Chaos finally up to a knee as he looks into the ring in disbelief.
Vinegar: Jet can’t believe it either.
Lieberjosch: He shouldn’t! Who wins with a rollup anyway?!
Vinegar: Here tonight, Travis Pierce does. First pay per view event of the new year, and we have new Cooperative Champions! I didn’t expect this!
Covert Jay: And we still have the World Title match to go! What a night!
Pierce/Deimos – 14.82
Jet/Chaos – 14.73
Vinegar: Two new champions already in the books here in New Orleans at Infinity, and it is time ne[cew for the finals of the Global Challenge!
Lieberjosch: Dr. Gabriel Baal set to face ‘The Monster’ Dredd, the winner faces the World Heavyweight Champion at No Holds Barred!
Sympathy for the Devil by Gregorian hits and the lights drop. A single spotlight drops on the rampway – Gabriel Baal makes his slow entrance, a hood pulled over his head. The hood is attatched to a full length jacket that is zipped from the neck to the waist. Baal’s hands are pressed together at the finger tips – he strides to the ring, only parting his fingers to gain entry to the ring. He raises his pressed fingers in front of his covered head, before quickly pushing the hood back to reveal his grinning face. His arms extend wide before he starts a circle of the ring. Stopping in the centre, and spinning 360 degrees.
Dennis: The following contest is the Final Match in the 2016 Global Challenge, set for one fall! Introducing first, The Seventh Circle, GABRIIEELLL BAAAAAAAALLLLLLLL!!!!
Vinegar: Baal took out the returning Harley Addams in the Qualifying Round to start our night, overcame Dirge in the semi-finals to reach this match.
Lieberjosch: He’s made quite a splash since his debut last month, what a statement it would be to be victorious in the Global Challenge.
The arena lights dim, and the opening of Divine begins to play. Pyro explodes down the sides of the ride to the ring in a cascading fashion and Dredd walks out onto the stage. A single spotlight illuminates him as he walks to the ring. As Dredd reaches the ring, a single large explosion of ringpost pyro goes off and the arena lights return to normal.
Dennis: And his opponent, The Monster, DRREEEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!
Vinegar: Dredd eliminated Colton Cutter in the Qualifying Round and conquered an old foe in Donovan Hastings in the semi-finals to advance to this final match.
Lieberjosch: What a comeback the Monster has made, he has run through all of his competition, Dr. Baal might just be the next bump on the railroad tracks.
Vinegar: Baal charges right at Dredd and takes him down with a running STO!
Covert Jay: Already a cover!
Vinegar: Dredd shoves him off.
Lieberjosch: Baal caught the Monster by surprise there, don’t forget this is the third match of the night for both men, third time you’ve had to get yourself psyched up and twice you spent time in the back and cooled off. Fatigue is setting in, you need to finish this while you still have something left in the tank.
Vinegar: Dredd grabs Baal by the throat as both men are getting up, but Baal grabs the arm and takes Dredd back down.
Covert Jay: Looking for the Painful Taste of Sobering Defeat, but Dredd knocks him off before he can lock it in.
Vinegar: Baal springboards off the ropes, looking for the Freudian Slip, but Dredd sidesteps it!
Lieberjosch: Dredd whips Baal into the corner, charges in with an avalanche, crushing Baal against the turnbuckle!
Vinegar: Dredd sets Baal up on top, climbs to the second rope, sets up the Concrete Piledriver!
Covert Jay: Baal pushes him off, Dredd crashes to the mat!
Vinegar: The Seventh Circle steadies himself on the turnbuckle, leaps, but Dredd is up and catches him!
Lieberjosch: And the Monster plants him with the Broken Sphere!
Vinegar: The cover!
Vinegar: Baal gets the shoulder up!
Lieberjosch: Dredd takes a moment to berate Baal, yanks him off the mat and whips him into the corner. He charges in for another avalanche!
Covert Jay: CATATONIA!!!!
Vinegar: In desperation, out of nowhere, Baal catches Dredd as he was charging in with Catatonia, and Baal collapses on top of the Monster!
Dennis: Here is your winner, and the 2016 Global Challenge Winner, GABRIEL BAAALLLLLLLLLL!!!!
Covert Jay: The doctor did it!
Vinegar: Gabriel Baal has won the Global Challenge, he will face the World Heavyweight Champion at No Holds Barred!
Lieberjosch: But we still have more to come tonight, the Last Man Standing Match main event is next!
Gabriel Baal – 7.92
Dredd – 7.16
Vinegar: What an action-packed night it has been here at Infinity, congratulations to our 2016 Global Challenge winner, Gabriel Baal, he will face the World Heavyweight Champion, whoever that may be, at No Holds Barred in April.
Travis Roberts emerges through the curtain with his arms open wide to the crowd, and makes his way down the ramp to the ring.
Dennis: The following contest is a Last Man Standing Match for the World Heavyweight Championship! Introducing first, the challenger, the Blessed One, TRRAVVISSS ROBBBERRRRTTTTSSSSSS!!!!
Vinegar: Roberts secured the #1 contendership and this match on our first Synergy broadcast of the year, defeating three other in a ladder match to earn the title shot.
Lieberjosch: He got his shot at Horizons, this is redundant.
Vinegar: A lot of people think that all Roberts needed in the Iron Man Match at Horizons was another few seconds.
Covert Jay: Hans doesn’t.
Lieberjosch: No, I don’t.
Covert Jay: See, we agree.
Lieberjosch: About what?
Covert Jay: What you think.
Covert Jay: Go ahead, argue with me.
The lights go out, and stay out for a few seconds, before a lone spotlight begins to shine down upon the stage. As the music first starts out, fireworks go off around the area that the spotlight showcases. Up through the flooring of the stage rises ‘Vain’ Alan Wallace – a buxom blonde standing to his left, and a georgous brunette standing to his right. As the lift that they are being raised by comes to a stop, the two women drop to their knees and turn towards him, running their hands down his chest and abs, before giving each other a kiss. Vain tosses the hood of his robe back, revealing that beautiful money maker of his, and then throws his arms up in the air as he begins walking towards the ring, and his two harlots make their way backstage. Upon entering the ring, he spins around in a circle with his arms raised high, basking in the reaction of the people. He then prepares for the task in front of him, as his music begins to fade out.
Dennis: And his opponent, he is the reigning AND defending World Heavyweight Champion, The Vain One, ALLLAANNN WALLLLLLLLAAAAAACCCCCCCEEEEEEE!!!!
Vinegar: It was two months ago at Horizons that Alan Wallace outlasted Travis Roberts to retain the championship in the main event in an Iron Man Match, now they clash and we will see who is the Last Man Standing!
Vinegar: Glenn Burke holds the title up, then puts it out of the ring as Wallace and Roberts start to circle around each other. They lock up, and Wallace pulls Roberts into a side headlock, but Roberts shoves him away, and Wallace comes off the ropes and knocks Roberts down with a shoulder tackle.
Lieberjosch: Vain bounces off the ropes again, but Roberts rolls under him as Vain runs across the ring, and as he comes back off the ropes Roberts hits a drop kick, and Vain rolls out of the ring and to his feet at ringside.
Vinegar: Wallace is taking an early breather in this match.
Covert Jay: He’s pacing himself.
Vinegar: Wallace starts to climb up on the apron and Roberts goes after him, but Wallace steps back off. Wallace reaches quickly with his arm and grabs Roberts leg under the bottom rope, and Wallace pulls Roberts to the outside and stomps him down.
Lieberjosch: Brilliant strategy, as Vain pulls Roberts up and lifts him up, dropping him on the barricade, and Roberts slides back to ringside holding his chest.
Vinegar: Wallace pulls Roberts up and rolls him into the ring. The champion slides in as Roberts is getting up and Wallace staggers him with a throat thrust, then grabs Roberts and hits a back breaker.
Lieberjosch: Vain stands over Roberts and slowly pulls him up, but Roberts knocks him away with an elbow. Roberts goes for a sleeper hold, but Vain ducks out of it before it can be locked in and steps behind Roberts for a full nelson slam.
Vinegar: Wallace bounces off the ropes as Roberts is getting up and goes for a clothesline, but Roberts ducks it and counters with a neckbreaker. Roberts stands up and bounces off the ropes, but Wallace is to his feet and he floors Roberts with a big boot!
Lieberjosch: Roberts tries to get right up, but Vain pulls him into a snap suplex, then rolls to his feet and stalks Roberts.
Covert Jay: CHERRY POPPER! Cherry Popper to Roberts!
Vinegar: Wallace climbs the turnbuckle to the top rope, and he goes for a flying elbow drop, but Roberts rolls out of the way and Wallace crashes off the mat!
Covert Jay: Roberts gets to his feet as Vain staggers up into a kick to the chest, and Roberts goes for a piledriver, but the Clit Whisperer counters it with a back drop, and Roberts ninjas the backdrop into a sunset flip, then stands and puts the Vain One into a cloverleaf!
Lieberjosch: Gah! No! Get out, get out!
Vinegar: Roberts leans back and increases the pressure, then releases the hold, he knows he can’t actually win the match directly with a submission hold, he needs Wallace to stay down for a ten count. Roberts finds his way into the corner and leaning on the turnbuckle, trying desperately to recover as the referee starts counting on Wallace.
Lieberjosch: Vain slowly gets to his feet, and he and Roberts meet in the middle of the ring and stare each other down face to face.
Vinegar: Wallace punches Roberts, and they brawl in the center of the ring.
Covert Jay: Vain kicks Roberts in the chest and hits the Curtain Call!
Vinegar: Roberts staggers into the ropes, and Wallace clotheslines him to the outside. Glenn Burke starts the ten count as Roberts is lying at ringside, but Wallace isn’t through yet as he rolls out under the bottom rope.
Lieberjosch: Vain pulls Roberts up and goes to whip him into the steel steps, but Roberts reverses it and Vain crashes into the steel as Roberts falls to his knees.
Vinegar: Count starts again on Alan Wallace.
Vinegar: Roberts rolls into the ring, and uses the ropes to pull himself up and rest in the corner as the referee counts on Wallace.
Vinegar: Wallace gets up and rolls back into the ring. Roberts fights Wallace into the ropes, then whips him across the ring. Wallace bounces off the far ropes and Roberts charges and drives his knee into Wallace’s chest, then hits a swinging neckbreaker.
Lieberjosch: Roberts scales the ropes and goes for a cross body tackle as Vain is getting up, but Vain catches Roberts and counters with a powerslam.
Vinegar: Wallace starts to set up a figure four, but Roberts kicks him away. Wallace stumbles into the corner, and Roberts splashes him.
Lieberjosch: Vain slumps in the corner and Roberts pounds away on him.
Vinegar: Wallace shoves Roberts away and starts to climb through the ropes, but Roberts grabs him by the leg and pulls him back into the ring. Wallace hops on one leg, and hits an enziguri!
Lieberjosch: Vain sets up and locks in Vanity at It’s Finest! Roberts is in intense pain in the center of the ring!
Vinegar: Wallace tightens the hold, and there is no escape for Roberts! The challenger moans in agony, and Wallace eventually releases the hold after nearly thirty seconds of torture for Roberts, and now the Blessed One is down for the count.
Vinegar: Roberts lies in pain in the center of the ring!
Vinegar: Roberts starts to get up, and Wallace can’t believe it!
Lieberjosch: Roberts looks wobbly, but he is managing to get up!
Vinegar: Roberts is once again getting up, and Wallace has to be wondering, what will keep this man down!
Covert Jay: Acme anvil.
Vinegar: Wallace charges from behind and chop blocks Roberts’ right knee out from under him. Roberts clutches the knee in pain, and Wallace rolls out of the ring.
Lieberjosch: Roberts starts to stagger up, and Vain slides back into the ring with a steel chair.
Vinegar: Roberts turns around and Wallace swings the chair, but Roberts ducks the attack and counters with a fisherman’s suplex, and both men are down!
Lieberjosch: That chair is laying in the ring between the two of them, both men stirring.
Vinegar: Roberts to his feet, he picks up the chair!
Vinegar: Wallace to his knees, he hesitates when he sees Roberts with the chair, but Roberts turns and throws the chair to the outside, tells Wallace to come fight him.
Lieberjosch: Why would he throw away an advantage like that?
Covert Jay: He wants to win the right way!
Lieberjosch: The right way to win a Last Man Standing Match is to beat your opponent to a pulp by any means necessary!
Vinegar: Wallace charges and clotheslines Roberts over the ropes, and they both land on their feet at ringside and brawl to the bottom of the ramp.
Lieberjosch: Roberts goes for a clothesline, and Vain sidesteps, then puts Roberts into a half-nelson choke!
Covert Jay: They stagger up the ramp with Vain’s arm wrapped tightly around Roberts’sneck.
Vinegar: They make it to the stage, and Roberts finally falls backward, smashing Wallace on the stage, both men down again.
Vinegar: Wallace begins to crawl towards the back of the stage, he uses the wall to get back to his feet.
Vinegar: Roberts is up!
Lieberjosch: Vain looks frustrated, and he begins to climb the scaffolding surrounding the stage entrance.
Covert Jay: Vain climbs and Roberts is climbing after him!
Vinegar: They are about twenty five feet up, and Roberts clubs Wallace in the leg and pulls himself alongside him.
Lieberjosch: Vain chops Roberts in the chest, but the Headliner manages to hold on, returns with a chop of his own!
Vinegar: They are exchanging chops twenty-five feet above the stage, I don’t like the looks of this!
Covert Jay: It’s good for buy-rates.
Vinegar: A wicked chop, Roberts nearly loses his grip, he grabs Wallace with both hands as he falls back, JESUS CHRIST ON A POGO STICK!!!!
Covert Jay: That was the White-Out! Roberts pulled Vain off the scaffolding into the White-Out, and they both fell all the way back to the stage!
Vinegar: Glenn Burke is counting, what does it matter at this point? They both just fell twenty-five feet, get some help out here!
Vinegar: ROBERTS IS UP!!!!
Dennis: Here is your winner, and the NEW World Heavyweight Champion, TRRRAVVISSSS ROBBBERRRTTTSSSS!!!!
Vinegar: Travis Roberts did it! He climbed the mountain, and fell from it as it were, but he is the new World Heavyweight Champion!
Lieberjosch: Roberts is collapsed on the stage, it was all he could do to get back to his feet for a moment, and as Glenn Burke presents him with the title belt, he has barely the strength to take it!
Vinegar: But here come Forewell Boding and the Natural Born Killer, they lift Roberts to his feet, each man taking a shoulder as Victoria Jensen latches the belt around his waist!
Covert Jay: They help him towards the back of the stage, and now Hastings stands before them!
Vinegar: Roberts can’t stand under his own power, he locks eyes with Hastings, and Hastings grins and claps his hands!
Lieberjosch: This is disgusting.
Vinegar: The journey for Travis Roberts is complete! He has come to Infinity to win the World Heavyweight Champion, and he leaves with the title and surrounded by his friends!
Covert Jay: We’ll see you in two weeks!
Travis Roberts – 8.89
Alan Wallace – 8.36
Global Challenge Qualifier
Jazz Funeral Casket Match
Global Challenge Semi-Final
Global Challenge Semi-Final
Global Challenge Final
Last Man Standing