– We’re going to the mailbag today, as somebody has sent me a free DVD to review, which always bumps you to the head of my reviewing line. Today’s DVD comes to us from Valiant Championship Wrestling, which recently held their first TV show. As always, if you want a TV show, pay-per-view, or even a “Best Of” DVD from your company reviewed, send it to me! Please! I can never get enough wrestling.
– Two other quick pieces of business. First, I’m about to head out to Intercourse, Pennsylvania, tomorrow to attend Brawlers On a Budget’s Gluttons for Punishment 2 On-Demand, so don’t expect too many updates over the weekend. I plan to review FWO ReAction while on the road, assuming I can find a decent WiFi connection. Not too long after that, the Caldweller family will be going on vacation to Florida for a couple of weeks with no Internet access. Huzzuh!
– Second, once I return from my May trip, I plan to expand E-Wrestling Torch a little bit, by incorporating results from as many feds as possible. If you run a fed and want to get more people aware of your latest events, you can either e-mail me a link to your latest show, or (even better) write up a quick rundown of what happened (i.e., Wrestler X def. Wrestler Y via pinfall after a spear). Or, if you’re just a fan and attend an event, let us know if anything newsworthy happened at shows, and give us feedback on the event. I can’t review EVERY show, but at the least, the EWTorch wants to get the word out about what great stuff you’ve got going on.
April 24, 2009
The Fallout Shelter
– Your hosts are (eventually) Cody Jones and Johnny Knesko.
– Show opens with death metal playing. This is a smaller promotion, with a couple thousand fans attending. Quite the unique ringside area: glowing neon green guardrails and armed guards. Now see. This is what ECW on Sci-Fi should’ve looked like on the first episode if they REALLY wanted to fit in on that channel.
– A suited Johnny Knesko and four armed guards head to the ring to cheers. Well, I guess back in the day, Hitler was considered a face in his country, too. Tonight we’ll see who’s hype, who deserves gold, and who dezervez to be put in ze gaz chambah! Sieg heil! No, not really. That’s just the cold meds talking. Knesko joins Cody Jones at ringside. Knesko didn’t trust Jones to run the show alone and basically tells him he sucks. Nice guy!
1 – Aydyn Storm vs. Gabriel Cervantes
Knesko even handles the ring announcing. Wow. You know what this show needs? More Knesko. Or a bigger budget. I’m guessing the latter. Cervantes gets in the NHL playoff spirit by tripping Storm, then connects with a standing moonsault. Cervantes follows that up with a standing shooting star press. Out of a tie-up, Cervantes gains the advantage with punches, but Storm recovers by snapmaring Cervantes off the top rope. Meanwhile, a mystery man in a trench coat and executioner’s mask watches the match. Cervantes regains control, but the executioner’s mere presence distracts him. Storm pops up and hits a top rope backbreaker for three.
Post-match, Storm gives chase, presumably to thank the man for causing the clichéd match ending, but instead he gets beaten bloody by the executioner’s steel chair. Who is that masked man?
WINNER: Aydyn Storm via pinfall. Couple decent spots to get the crowd pumped, but nothing memorable or in the way of storytelling. The distraction ending must be a tribute to green month, because recycling these sorts of endings is good for the earth, right? (3/4*)
– Announcers get some face time before Knesko must deal with a situation backstage.
– Thanks to some odd editing, the show returns with Knesko emerging from backstage only to have a bloody ThumbTack Jack thrown into him by David GS. Knesko makes the guards stand down, leading to…
2 – ThumbTack Jack vs. David GS
DGS punches away on Jack for the win. This pleases Knesko.
WINNER: David GS via pinfall. (NA)
3 – Ethan Cavanaugh vs. James Knight
Apparently, Knight got beat up sometime earlier tonight, as he’s limping and sporting a black eye. Jones wonders what happened to him. Knesko: “He wouldn’t shut up.” I hear Knesko’s last marriage ended in a similar way. Reportedly at the trial, he was asked, “What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?” Knesko replied, “Nothing the bitch has already been told twice.” Cavanaugh gains the advantage and locks in an Indian deathlock (extended edition) before Knight eventually escapes. After Cavanaugh targets Knight’s injured ribs, he locks in a figure four, as we enter Resthold City once again. Knight grabs the ropes, but Cavanaugh won’t break, so Knesko inserts himself into the action by yelling at the referee. Knight pulls himself and Cavanaugh to the floor for the break. Knight hurls Knesko into the guardrail, heads back inside and belly-to-belly suplexes Cavanaugh into the corner buckles. Knight Falls gets a three.
WINNER: James Knight via pinfall. Very slow and amateurish main event. (1/2*)
– Post-match, Johnny Knesko bashes Knight with the VCW World Championship. He does this a second time with a little help from Cavanaugh, and Knight blades. Knesko lets Knight know that that’s the only contact he’ll ever have with the championship belt. Ironic quote of the evening: “No one pushes Johnny Knesko on his own God damn show!” Apparently, Knesko hasn’t been watching his own show. Crowd boos as Cavanaugh and Knesko celebrate to end the show.
Final thoughts: Well, that was worth every penny I didn’t spend on it. The matches were amateurish at best, and we had total Kneskoverkill. This fed needs a lot of work if it’s going to make it. The first step? De-push Knesko and focus on either A. good wrestling, B. good stories/angles, or C. the wrestlers. Shows like this one won’t bring back the fans week after week.