June 14, 2009
– Opening video. Love the fed acronym, by the way. WTF are three of my favorite letters, and I’ve been using them a lot this week.
– Your hosts are Adam Effler and Jesse Kingery. They hype up the show (and Kingery uses the term “suckfest” about one of his fed’s own matches…so, I guess I can’t get into too much trouble, right?) and away we go.
1 – Jordan “The Executioner” Keyser vs. “Majikal Mayhem” Vance Bonesteel (Insane Asylum Match)
This is a barbed wire match inside a 20-foot cage also wrapped in barbed wire. After a test of strength, Bonesteel sends Keyser into the cage, shredding his back…and we’re less than 30 seconds in. But a drop toe hold sends Bonesteel throat first into the barbed wire. After sending Keyser into the wire, Bonesteel with a school boy for two. As Keyser locks in a chinlock, Effler says he’s “slowing down the pace.” There’s a pace to this human mutilation? The gorefest continues before Keyser smacks Bonesteel with a kendo stick. Keyser looks for a piledriver through a table, but Bonesteel nut shots Keyser and hits a fallaway slam into the barbed wire, then hits a shining wizard for two.
And here comes a staple gun. Keyser uses it on Bonesteel’s shoulder, back, arm, and face. But Bonesteel has his revenge by stapling the hell out of Keyser’s groin. WTF indeed. Kingery vomits. Not extreme enough for ya? How about a flaming table spot. But wait? Keyser with a powerbomb reversal into a rana, and then he spinebusters Bonesteel into the table. For TWO. Bonesteel connects with a running shooting star press to the floor then finds some cuffs. As somebody named Jack Daniels runs down with bolt cutters to help Keyser, I’m left to wonder where MY bottle of J.D. is. Need some to get through this match. Back inside, Bonesteel hits an implant DDT onto a chair for TWO! Eventually after some more hardcore gore, Bonesteel hits the World’s Toughest Finisher (brainbuster) onto a chair for the win.
WINNER: “Majikal Mayhem” Vance Bonesteel via pinfall. That was a tough match to watch due to how gory it was. The wrestling wasn’t very hot, nor was the pacing. Too much MURDERDEATHKILL. (*)
– Backstage, Brad Bronson says he’s a terrible father and worse husband, so he has to show his wife and kid what it takes to be a man. So, you prove you’re a loving husband and attentive father by no doubt having yourself a gory hardcore match? How about, oh, say reading to the kid and taking the wife to dinner, guy?
– Elsewhere, Andrew O’Reilly vows to win the Xtreme Rumble.
2 – “The All Star” Shawn Anderson vs. Viking (WTF Canadian Title vs. WTF World Title)
Viking is your 7-footer and he dominates early with the power moves until he charges into a ring post. Anderson targets the leg, busting out the ringpost aided figure-four. Viking reverses a top rope rana into a top rope sitout powerbomb for two. Viking then backdrops Anderson into the front row from the ring. Anderson gets bloody from their brawl on the floor, courtesy of some thrown ring steps. Viking tosses in the plunder. Back inside, Viking hits a chair-and-bucklebomb for two. Later, Anderson hits High Heat (superkick) for two, so he grabs a thumbtack bat and goes to work, shredding Viking’s forehead. Anderson takes a gorilla press slam onto some steel steps in the ring for two, then later hits Viking with a split-legged moonsault DDT onto the ring steps for two. Viking then catches Anderson with Thor’s Hammer (chickenwing piledriver) for two. Anderson comes right back with the Haggis Stretch (sharpshooter) on Viking. As a sledgehammer comes into play, Kingery uses the word “boring” to describe the match. Nice way to put over your wrestlers. Viking keeps up the back work, locking in a Boston crab now. That doesn’t do the job, so Viking hits a gorilla press backbreaker, which hurts both guys weakened spots (Viking’s leg and Anderson’s back), and both guys do a double cover for the finish.
RESULT: Draw (though both are announced as winners for some reason). This match had its good and bad. They both targeted body parts nicely, though some of the bumps were pretty dangerous and unnecessary. As far as hardcore matches go, it wasn’t too crazy, and it told a decent story. (**1/2)
– Post-match, the ref refuses to restart the match, so Viking decides to put himself into the Xtreme Rumble main event and put the title on the line. The first man to pull the belt down wins the World Title and eliminates himself from the Rumble. Anderson and Viking shake hands.
– Backstage, Eric Dillinger promises to fight smarter, not harder.
– Elsewhere backstage, two women chat over business stuff in a pointless PPV segment.
3 – Xtreme Rumble OK, here’s how this one works. The Canadian Title goes to the first person to score a submission. The U.S. Title goes to the person with the most eliminations. First WTF Tag Title goes to the first person to draw blood. Second Tag Title goes to the first person to score a 10 count. Last man standing is the number one contender for the World Title. It’s possible to win more than one title as well as the World Title shot. The World Title goes to the person who can pull it from above the Xtreme Vision 3000, which will also eliminate that man from the match. I’ll mainly recap the eliminations, and provide any extra thoughts near the end. The competitors are: Minuteman; Peacekeeper; Kow; “Real Deal” Brad Bronson; Stalker; Haggis; Julian York; “The Emerald Hero” Andrew O’Reilly: “Majikal Mayhem” Vance Bonesteel; Viking; Shawn Anderson; Biff; Jordan “The Executioner” Keyser; Jack Daniels; and Eric Dillinger. Mike Kidd enters later.
Order of elimination:
– Julian York by Shawn Anderson (via pinfall after neckbreaker)
– Stalker by Eric Dillinger (via pinfall after a spinning northern lights driver)
– Kow by Brad Bronson (via submission, from a half-standing figure four leglock)
– Minuteman by Andrew O’Reilly (via pin fall after Emerald cutter on ring steps)
– Haggis by Jordan Keyser (via pinfall after sidewalk slam on the stage)
– Peacekeeper by Eric Dillinger (via pinfall after slingshot leg drop)
– Jack Daniels by Shawn Anderson (via pinfall after superkick that knocked JD off the stage)
– Vance Bonesteel by Jordan Keyser (via pinfall after Bonesteels gets dumped off the XV3000 by Aramis
– Jordan Keyser by Viking (via pinfall after powerbomb through door backstage)
– Biff by Brad Bronson (via submission from a half-standing figure four leglock)
– Mike Kidd by Eric Dillinger (via pinfall after a spinning northern lights driver)
– Brad Bronson by Andrew O’Reilly (via pinfall after piledriver)
– Andrew O’Reilly by Eric Dillinger (via pinfall after full nelson slam)
– Shawn Anderson (via retrieving World Title)
– Eric Dillinger by Viking (via submission from bow and arrow lock)
Pretty good opening portion as far as nonstop action goes, with fighting in the ring, on the floor, and around the giant screen/scaffolding area. Love the chaos feel, though it’s hard to keep track of everybody. Bronson wins the Canadian Title by making Kow tap out. Weapon of the match comes in the form of Dillinger’s SpongeBob SquarePants (with sheet metal attachment). Keyser takes Anderson down with a tornado DDT from the stage to the floor. Bonesteel makes his way up top to the XV3000, but somebody named Aramis is up there and tosses Bonesteel way down, into an obviously rigged tarp, or else he’d be dead. Aramis escapes, and Bonesteel’s family and medics tend to him, and the announcers put on their serious voices as he does a stretcher job. Meanwhile, Aramis is chased by Dillinger, Viking and Mike Kidd out of the building into a waiting car. Kingery lets us know “this is for real.” Yeah. And now Kidd joins the match? OK. Bizarre moment: somehow, Dillinger finds an 8×10 picture frame in the BATHROOM and hits Kidd with it. Inside the stall is some guy who’s featured in the broken frame. Must need to watch WTF to “get it.”
O’Reilly takes out everybody with a springboard moonsault at one point. Now Dillinger uses an artificial leg (Legsy McDillinger?) on Kidd. Final four: Eric Dillinger, Andrew O’Reilly, Shawn Anderson, and Viking. Still no World Champ, U.S., or Tag Champs decided. Viking wins the first Tag Title by busting Dillinger open with a piece of broken table. Andrew O’Reilly wins the other Tag Title by hitting a top rope inverted death valley driver on Anderson for the KO, but Anderson isn’t eliminated from the match here, although he pretends he is, which allows him to easily head up and grab the World Title. Smart booking of Anderson there, though I’m not sure why a knock out doesn’t eliminate somebody from a match. Meanwhile, Dillinger’s elimination of O’Reilly wins him the U.S. Title. After a chair duel between, Dillinger looks for his Dirty Broken Glass (northern lights driver), but Viking counters with a brainbuster. ONE, TWO, THRE-NO! Viking bucklebombs Dillinger for two. Dillinger comes back with a Punk N Disorderly (full nelson slam) for two. But Viking knocks a chair into Dillinger’s face and puts in a bow and arrow lock for the submission.
WINNER: Viking via survival, becomes number one contender for World Title. Pretty entertaining match that was well booked (mostly) and kept the weapon violence to a minimum. Some glaring weak spots, but a decent main event. (***)
Final thoughts: A stare down between Viking (in the ring) and Anderson (on the XV3000) to close the show would’ve been cool, but not a big deal. Pretty much your typical hardcore PPV: some good, some bad, some ridiculous WTF (pardon the pun) moments. Unless you’re a vampire, this one gets an Xtreme thumbs down.